Caitlin Kindred: 0:29

Hello everyone. Hi, we're so glad you're here today. Welcome to how to Be a Grown-Up. This is the how-to show, with at least one host who wishes that she had listened to her mother a little bit more when she was younger. Hi, Mom, Hi Mom. I'm Caitlin and with me today.

Caitlin Kindred: 1:05

co-hosting for Jenny is Ariella Monti, who is the author of Roots in Ink and a sophisticated newborn baby with a PhD in awesome.

Caitlin Kindred: 1:11

Yes, I'm so glad you acknowledged that PhD it took so long for me to get you worked hard for that one. I worked hard for that one. It wasn't as easy as my degree in underwater basket weaving that one was just simple. I actually had to work for the one in awesome.

Caitlin Kindred: 1:26

I used to say stuff like that to my students. I'd be like you know, one day you'll be as awesome as me. Well, maybe close, you won't get this awesome, but that's part of my job as your teacher is to help you get some of this awesomeness into you. So just a fun little tidbit about the way that I used to roast my kids. Anyway, just a little warning. We're talking about moms today, and if that's a painful topic for you, we completely understand and we encourage you to take the emotional space that you need around this episode, and with that, mother's Day is nearly here when we're recording this. Mother's Day is upcoming, so I thought it would be fun to honor the moms in our lives by sharing the stuff that mom was right about, because, oh man, there's so much, and 40 year old me just needs to just go back and smack 16-year-old me in the face and be like okay, mom, I got it. I got it, so you get it, yeah, yeah. So this, a lot of this, comes from you and I obviously Right, right. But there's also.

Caitlin Kindred: 2:47

I reached out for some support on Reddit because it is the birthplace of the internet or whatever. That's not what the line is, it doesn't matter. Home, the heart of the internet, or something like that is what they call it. I don't know, but it's the Ask Women thread and I have linked it here in the show notes, but I've also linked it on the blog post and you can actually read the entire thread on the blog post if you go there. I've embedded it there, so take a look at that if you want to get all of the advice. But these were just some of the favorites that we had, and they're kind of broken up into groups, so let's start with a couple of things that she was right about. Around your house. Oh man, okay, this is from Only Texts. Clean a little every day so you don't have to spend the entire day cleaning at the end of the week.

Ariella Monti: 3:44

Yes, yeah, yeah. And let's be clear just because we know our moms were right does not mean we take this advice and do it ourselves. Right does not mean we take this advice and do it ourselves. That is absolutely true.

Caitlin Kindred: 3:57

oh my god, I just I just we can ignore, yeah, like we can acknowledge we're not doing it ourselves, right?

Ariella Monti: 4:00

like she's right, right, this is absolutely correct.

Caitlin Kindred: 4:02

That doesn't mean I do it. And also I just got into it with my child about folding up a blanket and he was like I just can't fold this blanket right now. I was like dude, I get it, don't like I understand right now. I was like dude, I get it, I understand.

Ariella Monti: 4:14

Right, yeah, we just want to throw this out there. That just because we agree that they are right does not mean that we put any of this stuff into practice ourselves.

Caitlin Kindred: 4:25

Okay, all right, so I'm not cleaning a little bit every day, but I do acknowledge that that's the way to do it. That said, I do do a load of laundry every day, but I do acknowledge that that's the way to do it. That said, I do right, do a load of laundry every day because it does help. Yeah, yeah, that's true all right.

Ariella Monti: 4:40

Um, the only way to get a clean kitchen floor is to get on your hands and knees. I effing hate that. She was right about that.

Caitlin Kindred: 4:49

Thank you, mbw rose do you know how true that is for me? Oh my god it is. It is true, it is a real clean floor like a steam mop is great like, but I have wood look tile and what I've learned about wood look tile is all of wood.

Caitlin Kindred: 5:13

Look also means a little bit of that texture and all of the dirt settles in the texture and the only way to get it up is to get on your hands and knees and scrub and it is right, do not recommend yeah, zero out of five stars okay uh, this one I thought was really good and I actually kind of have this, but not the exact right way, okay, okay, so this one is my mom was right about one very important thing Get a vertical file box and put your important ish in it Insurance papers in a folder, healthcare records in another, birth certificate and social security cards, passport, et cetera, tax forms, all that important stuff you don't need until you need it and you can't find it. And that's from. I've seen herbivore one on Reddit. That is the coolest name ever. I love that one. That's a really good one. Have you done that before? Have you taken all your stuff and put it in one place?

Ariella Monti: 6:08

Yes, because you know, as the ADHD people we are, you know it'll be like three o'clock in the morning I'll be like where's my Social Security card?

Caitlin Kindred: 6:19

I like sleep too much to do that. But I will panic when other people don't give me all of their documents and I put them in one place. So like we get home from a trip and I'm like husband, where is your passport? I need it right now. And he's like it's right here, I have it. I'll go put it in the folder. Nope, you give it to me and I will put it in the folder.

Ariella Monti: 6:38

Right, right, exactly. So I don't use a file box anymore. I used to, but I actually got these fire and waterproof like envelopes oh yeah, I've and waterproof like envelopes oh yeah, I've heard that that's what I use. Yeah, I use those instead because, um, dealing we used to have a safe for all that stuff, and dealing with getting in and out of a safe that was shoved in the corners of our closet was just, I mean, mean, nobody was going to steal it because they would have to, like, get over all of the crap in front of it and like for what To get the title of our, you know at the time, like 15 year old car?

Ariella Monti: 7:23

Sure, have at it Right, go for it, but but but yeah, I actually found the those like waterproof, fireproof, like folders um folders. They're like envelopes, they've got like a zipper on them and everything like, though, I found those to be great. They're easy to store and you know, they're easy to pull out when you need them, and all that.

Caitlin Kindred: 7:47

If you have the link, you should, you should give it to me and I'll put it on our favorite things page.

Ariella Monti: 7:50

That's a good one.

Caitlin Kindred: 7:51

Okay, all right, on random stuff. Mom was right about Completely random stuff. This one is spoke to my heart Silence. As a teenager it was so irritating and unthinkable to me as to why my mom never had her radio on when she was driving. Now, I mean not never. Okay, to me that was the time to crank it up. And now guess who drives around in silence, because it's the only gosh dang time I have to hear my own thoughts that and I can't see, when the radio's too loud, that one's mint julep on.

Ariella Monti: 8:26

Reddit.

Caitlin Kindred: 8:29

I can't see. I have a friend who did that in high school we were like 17 and he's like I can't see, and then he would turn the radio down and I was like hold on a second, I can't see those things, don't make any sense.

Ariella Monti: 8:47

It's so true. But it is true. Yeah, yeah. No, I still have to have music on in the car, but I can totally understand the need for some. That was me yesterday. Yeah, I think that was me yesterday. I just need to hear nothing but the buzzing in my ears because Right.

Caitlin Kindred: 9:10

The voices in my head are all I need most of each other right, exactly, it's exactly.

Ariella Monti: 9:16

Yeah, all right, oh my god, um, so atomic attorney 274. I always used to pick on my mom for changing into her pajamas right after dinner, why it's still laid out. Dad, are you really, are you? Oh, I'm so bad at reading. This is why I don't narrate books. I'll do it for you. I got it. I will do, I'll get it. I'll get it. Uh, okay, restart no we're leaving all that, okay? Oh, I never said you could take it out, I'm just saying I'm restarting okay, all right, restart.

Ariella Monti: 9:54

Atomic attorney 274 says it says I always used to pick on my mom for changing into her pajamas right after dinner why it's still light out, dead, and you were really not gonna go out for the rest of the night. I wouldn't change until right before bed, just in case something fun came up. But now I change into comfy clothes as soon as I get home, no matter what time of day it is, and even if I know I'm going out later and I prefer staying in now, even on the weekend. Preach, yes, yes, get in those jammies Right.

Ariella Monti: 10:30

So now I have daytime pajamas and nighttime pajamas oh seriously oh yeah, I'm a yoga teacher who works at home, so basically I live in some kind of pajamas, but I've got my day pajamas and my night pajamas, so I, I definitely do this.

Caitlin Kindred: 10:50

Um, the one thing I don't do I don't know what it is about me and being without shoes on. If I don't have shoes on, apparently, I just sit all day long. But if I put, my shoes on like, or even just flip flops, just something on the bottom of my feet. I will actually get up and like do something productive.

Ariella Monti: 11:10

So I don't know, I've heard people do that.

Caitlin Kindred: 11:13

Yeah, but so I'll like wear like the comfiest possible clothes you know at home and then put on shoes because slippers aren't it like I can't do slippers right, it's not enough of it anyway, but yes, this is absolutely right okay, no I get it.

Caitlin Kindred: 11:29

This one had me cracking up when I read this Stress and screaming says how dare my mom tell me my shyness would wear off as an adult and I'd be shaking my butt in the club with reckless abandon. Because when I got to 21, I froze my vicious twerking in the club as I was hit with the memory of her saying that to me and I thought she was right. You're in the club and you're dancing and you're like oh, mom told me I wouldn't be this shy anymore. That's hilarious.

Ariella Monti: 12:02

I mean, just wait until you're in your late 30s, early 40s, and then, like I have to say that you're never shy again. But all those insecurities are gone.

Caitlin Kindred: 12:14

Well, I think, especially for those of us who have birthed a child, there is no shame anymore, like you get to a point where you can't have shame because if you do right, right, all of that will come. You'll relive it every day Once you have that child. Okay On's awful. Okay On beauty tips. My mom said your coat should hang below your skirt hem. I thought that was stupid and it made you look like a flasher. So I always wanted my coat to end a couple of inches above my skirt hem. No, she was right. It looks classier her way. And that's from a little night musing I love that one.

Caitlin Kindred: 12:59

I always felt like I see what that person means by like looking like a flasher. But I do think it looks better to have the hem lower than the skirt line.

Ariella Monti: 13:12

Yeah, I agree. It actually bothers me, even with like regular jackets, like when I wear like my puffy vest or something in the fall and I'll wear like a long cardigan underneath it, and I like hate that the cardigan is longer. Yeah, yeah, like depending on the length, I'll like tuck it in yeah, yeah.

Caitlin Kindred: 13:37

That's why I don't understand cropped jackets. You have to wear a cropped jacket with a cropped shirt?

Ariella Monti: 13:51

I don't guess. Don't over pluck your eyebrows, gosh, I'm, I know. No, I never, I never did this. You're Italian? I don't think, I don't. I don't think there's a way that I could over pluck my eyebrows as an Italian. Like that, my eyebrow, my facial hair is going to come back regardless of what I do with it, but as a child, as an elder millennial, oh, we know, we know we know, just don't, don't do it.

Caitlin Kindred: 14:22

The number of women that I can like pinpoint ages because of the current thinness of their eyebrows, because I know what we all did to ourselves back then. I never overdid it either, Cause I've never had, like the giant caterpillars that like became very popular several years ago, Right, Um, I've always just had to clean them up, but I I mean there are still days where I'm like man, I I should have left that part, Cause now it's still a little thinner than I want but, anyway.

Caitlin Kindred: 14:51

Okay, this one. I'm saying the word at the end of this because I have to. This is from a deleted user. I don't know who you are, but this is so true. Blend your foundation down your neck, damn it, yes. And if you are, if you're putting bronzer on your jawline like, blend that and then just make sure like there's no hard line on your neck.

Ariella Monti: 15:17

We're not going for that look anymore.

Caitlin Kindred: 15:20

It's just not a thing, right? No?

Ariella Monti: 15:23

So I'm actually going to New York and my cousin is a makeup artist is a makeup artist and I texted her this morning and I was like I need you to help me find a foundation that works, because I feel like this happens unintentionally, where I get those like hard lines and it looks fine, like until you see yourself from the side or whatever, and you're like right I brushes are your friend, like I, I mean I will.

Caitlin Kindred: 15:56

I end up brushing it like into my hair almost, because I'm just like get blend, blend, blend anyway, but yep yep, yeah, um, so pm me.

Ariella Monti: 16:07

Your cat's feet, says. Catsfeet says I love Reddit so much. People are so funny. This is why I'm not on Reddit. I am not this witty to come up with such a funny username.

Caitlin Kindred: 16:21

Mine is just whatever the platform gave to me, but that's a good one.

Ariella Monti: 16:25

All right.

Caitlin Kindred: 16:25

PM me your catsfeet.

Ariella Monti: 16:27

So PM me your catsfe feet says absolutely 100% sunscreen.

Caitlin Kindred: 16:33

Oh, oh, my gosh. Yes, mom, I'm so. You were so right. The number of times I would intentionally go out. I have red hair and freckles. What was I thinking? I would go and cook myself and I would be in so much. There were some times where I burnt myself so bad I would throw up because I was like, no, don't need sunscreen, let me put on some oil and see what happens. Literally cooking myself like Kramer in that Seinfeld episode insane yeah, I wear sunscreen every day now.

Ariella Monti: 17:03

Oh yeah, definitely, and not even that. For us, it was more like the beach umbrella or like getting under the shade like my mom was big about the shade, like, get in the shade, bring the umbrella. And I'm always like, why? Why do we gotta do that? Why do we gotta break now? Forget it now.

Caitlin Kindred: 17:24

I'm like give me a tree yeah, if I don't have shade, I'm not going, like I or I, I will wear hat, like I hate. I hate hats Like cause I hate how I look in them. But I will wear a hat and I, I mean, I use sunscreen every day. I have retinol all over my face because your girl's got to keep something on point here, and if everything else has gone to hell, then I've got to have something. Looking okay, I retina all the time and like, if there's no shade, I'm not going. I'm not going, I I right, it's just not.

Ariella Monti: 17:57

yeah, and it's texas yeah, absolutely not, absolutely okay, exactly. Yeah, being in north carolina, forget it like I, I will find the shade every. I love the sun. I love my lizard time where I just like bask in a sun puddle, but I like, especially now. Yeah, like a cat like I, I gotta be in the shade at the beach everywhere. We have two umbrellas now yeah, and.

Caitlin Kindred: 18:23

I get it. It's not even about the heat. It's about the sun cover. Like I in Texas, you're gonna be hot, no matter where you stand. It's's not about that. It's about cooking myself.

Ariella Monti: 18:35

Yeah.

Caitlin Kindred: 18:36

Okay, so true. Sorry, mom, you're right. Okay, uh, on life lessons. This is, this is where it's going to get a little deep sometimes. Okay, uh, my mom complained about how quickly time passed. Oh, my mom always says the days are long, but the years are short. It seemed like she was always telling me that time just flew by and it was already almost Christmas, or time for school to start up again, or the weekend already. To me, time dried like a snail through molasses, and now that I'm much older, I cannot believe the speed at which time passes. I'm complaining about it being Monday and in no time at all I'm sitting at Thursday, then the weekend is here and gone Back around. Then again, mom was right, that's from monkeycatdog. Yeah, so true, right, like ugh. Days are long, I agree, years are short.

Ariella Monti: 19:27

Yes, that's true, that's very very true, all right.

Ariella Monti: 19:30

Yes, that's true. That's very, very true, all right. Bell0516 says I thought my mom was just trying to make me feel better and not hurt my self-esteem even more when she'd tell me that people at my middle school and high school were just shallow and immature. She told me that I wasn't the problem. I just went to school with kids who were too mean or stupid to appreciate what I had to offer. Now, as an adult and a teacher myself, I realized that my mom was right. I was a little quirky, gifted, identified only child who had braces, acne, freckles, frizzy hair, and I was fat Girl. I get you, I feel that, but I had a good heart and I was true to myself. There are a lot of shallow and clicky people out there who don't care if they bring other people down oh, that one like man breaks my middle school and high school stuff yeah, yeah, that one hurts.

Caitlin Kindred: 20:26

She's right. I mean, it's so hard to see it when you're in it, like that's part of why I taught middle school because it's like middle school is the worst part of my life.

Caitlin Kindred: 20:34

I can't. I've been through a lot of stuff as an adult and middle school was by far the worst and where most of my trauma comes from. And I told, oh, this poor thing. But her mom was right, this one, the patriarchy, lol. I used to roll my eyes when my mom would point out problematic patterns in our society, like when I was watching the Little Mermaid. She would remark that it's not the best message to send to little girls, amen, that the main character gambles away her family that loves her for the chance of being with an older man when she's only 16 years old. At the time I insisted it was romantic. Now I'm like wtf, what's that?

Caitlin Kindred: 21:16

kool-aid girl 40, it's so true, it's so problematic it's so, probably, and and like there were shows that would be you know that are popular shows that my mom was like, no, you can't watch that. Like the Simpsons I was not allowed to watch when I was a kid because, like the messaging, while it as an adult, it's it's meant for adults. It's not a kid's show, right, it's. It's supposed to be a cartoon for adults. And as an adult now I understand and see the humor and the nuance and how valuable that show actually is. But as a child, like, just because it's a cartoon does not mean it's meant for kids. And my mom was very aware of that and I have to say she's definitely right about some of those patriarchy things for sure too, oh, definitely, definitely definitely, um.

Ariella Monti: 22:08

Be careful who you choose to spend your time with. She was right. I invested too much time and emotions into a scummy and abusive ex-boyfriend and sketchy so-called friends all who hurt me in the long run and I'm still recovering from the scars. I just wish she was still alive, so I could thank her and hug her Ritz to fly.

Caitlin Kindred: 22:28

Oh baby, sweet girl Oof.

Ariella Monti: 22:33

Yep, yeah, she's right, definitely.

Caitlin Kindred: 22:37

Be careful who you choose to spend time with, Very true Okay. Yeah, my mom is from the Caribbean and she had this weird saying when I was a teenager your friends will bring you out, but they won't bring you back. She had this weird saying when I was a teenager your friends will bring you out, but they won't bring you back. It means people or friends will help you get into sticky situations, but they won't necessarily help you get out of them. And that was Ash Tea Time.

Ariella Monti: 22:58

Seriously, though, yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That kind of like that relates to the one before it, because, like your ride or dies will be the people that will get you into trouble, but then they're going to get you out of trouble. Or at least take accountability with you Like right, exactly Right, right, right, right yeah.

Caitlin Kindred: 23:25

This is why you and I text each other with a shovel on a regular basis. If you know, you know the shovel what it means. Am I wrong? Like no. Oh no, no, no, no, like there's a reason we text you and I and our two girlfriends, joey and Brenna, we love you. They're also moms. The first thing that comes out when it's like can I vent or I'm angry, can I share?

Ariella Monti: 23:50

One of us will show the shovel like we know what's coming right before we even like before the story is even shared, right? It's just like yeah, all right, I got it, I'll meet you there those are the people you should be spending your time with right, right, absolutely. You cannot change someone. Accept them for who they are or leave them alone. Individual cry zero.

Caitlin Kindred: 24:14

You cannot fix him.

Ariella Monti: 24:15

Nope, you cannot fix him, but he loves me, nope. Nope, no, he don't, you cannot fix that. No, you can't fix him?

Caitlin Kindred: 24:22

No, yeah, I'm just thinking like, what about? Well, you know he doesn't want kids, but I do. Maybe he'll change. No, like no, don't invest your time in someone who no, no, no, yeah, definitely, definitely not.

Ariella Monti: 24:37

Save those ones for your books. Like save the, I Can Fix Him for your fictional characters, you know. Like save it for that. And then come on this show and I'll write a promo for you. Okay, similarly, when someone shows you who they are, believe them. Minute fade, amen. You said that.

Caitlin Kindred: 24:58

Oof Yep. Well, the truths are hitting a little hard right now. Okay, my mom used to tell me that a relationship wasn't over while I was sad. It was over when I was angry. And here's why, when you're sad, you're reminiscing about the good times and you're vulnerable to going back, despite the problems that caused you to break up in the first place. Oh my gosh. So true. But when you're angry, you're actually looking at the things that went wrong and you are mad at yourself for dealing with that for so long. Oh my gosh. I hated when she would say just wait a few weeks after a breakup, because in my teens and twenties a breakup was world ending, lol. But she would also tell me get angry when I wallowed for too long. Now in my thirties, I know she didn't mean to actually be an angry, bitter ex. She meant to shift the focus from sorrow of what was lost to a determination of what I deserve.

Ariella Monti: 25:52

That's pink fire, 10, 10, oh my gosh yeah, man, that's like five years worth of therapy.

Caitlin Kindred: 25:59

Right, a couple of paragraphs this is why reddit is the heart of the internet. This and trolls, right, yeah, oh man, that's a good one, that is a good one I feel like I need to yeah like, just carry that with me yeah although in my house the line in our house is no divorce, only murder. But that's how we, that's how we do things. Life insurance anyway. Okay, uh, we got another.

Ariella Monti: 26:32

We got a couple more quebec mafia woman says when you're in a fight with someone and you want to text or phone, call them, write out a text or script and then sleep on it and decide the next day whether or not you want to send it. I I always thought she was acting like a doormat or was afraid of confrontation. I'm definitely afraid of confrontation.

Ariella Monti: 26:54

I'll tell you right now, but I realized that as I got older how much easier relationships are when you take some time to mull over your reaction and see if the feeling passes. I agree with that too, because often by the time I am done writing that text, I have gotten over whatever it was uh, I?

Caitlin Kindred: 27:21

yes, this is true. I just tend to hold on to it for a little bit longer. Yes, this is. This is why I still don't shop at Best Buy. That's a different story. Okay, as much as I hate to admit it and still get annoyed when I hear this phrase, sometimes it just is what it is. My mom used to say that during certain situations and it would put me into a blind fury. But as I've raged well, not as I've raged as I've aged I realized that this is true. Sometimes we just have to deal with whatever it is. That's from Rajessa. I think that that phrase is used incorrectly more often than not. I don't think it means like, it is what it is and you can't do anything about it. I think that's the part that makes people angry. I think that phrase is meant to mean you have to accept that as a reality and then before you can do anything about it, right, right.

Caitlin Kindred: 28:19

So I think, if you, look at it from that point of view and again, that phrase is maddening to me too, because it's like, well, it shouldn't be that way, right, but that's not the point. The point is to just take a step back and go okay, yes, that is the reality. I have to accept that as the circumstance. Now I can work with that to take the next step.

Ariella Monti: 28:40

Right, exactly, yeah, it's accepting the present so that you can, like you said, take the next step move on from there. It's like okay, like well, yes, it is what it is. This is where I'm at right now. No, I cannot change what is happening right now. But what is? How am I going to respond to it? Right, yeah, she was right, I do need a coat and I will be cold. Yes, thank you. Dems, dems, dems.

Caitlin Kindred: 29:10

I don't know how to Dems D-F-T-B-A. Dems Cool, but how true is that? One the number of times I'd be like it's okay, I'm just going to go out in my sweatshirt, or do you have that fight with your son? It's freezing cold out. Put on a jacket, no, I'm fine, yeah, and now and now.

Ariella Monti: 29:34

We like we'll take it and we just like shove it in his backpack yeah I don't even do that, I'm like here's the jacket.

Caitlin Kindred: 29:41

You can wear a sweatshirt and a jacket. You can wear a hat, like wear what you want, but I'm not going to take responsibility if you're cold later, because you do have recess outside, so deal with it. Yeah, exactly, okay, so those are the ones that we crowdsource. But everyone has momisms, not everyone. If you have momisms, we want to hear them, so that's one thing, but I wanted to hear Ariella's mom's momisms, and then I'll share mine.

Ariella Monti: 30:09

Yeah, so she doesn't have momisms per se. But aside from you know, I'm not yelling, I'm talking loudly which pretty much every Italian family can relate to. I like that one, yeah, so there's a lot of like and I talked to my brother and my sister about this.

Ariella Monti: 30:32

There's a lot of oh, I get it now yeah, moments like so, not necessarily like you, she was right, because there's nuance and everything right but like, oh, get it now. And some of these are prioritizing work-life balance. So when my mom was at work and I worked with my mom for a year, so I saw this when she was at work, she was focused only on her job.

Caitlin Kindred: 31:01

She didn't gossip with her coworkers.

Ariella Monti: 31:02

She didn't waste time. She wasn't like me who would be like I need to go find some dopamine and like wander off and whatever. If I called, had to call her at the office, she got me off the phone so fast, but as soon as her shift ended, like as soon as she clocked out, you don't like if you were her, you know, if you were a co-worker you don't call her at home, you don't email her at home. She does not exist outside of the office and she would tell you that. Wow happened.

Caitlin Kindred: 31:37

We did force that boundary. That's pretty impressive.

Ariella Monti: 31:39

Oh yeah, yeah yeah, and I like I should say my mom is from italy, so they have a completely different idea of work-life balance and she was like no, I leave the office, this is not my risk, this is your responsibility, this is a new problem.

Caitlin Kindred: 31:59

Oh, she needs to just come over here and slap my hand sometimes.

Ariella Monti: 32:03

I know, I know, no, I get it. I mean, it's a different time now. Yeah, it's a different time, but it's also like, yeah, a different time now. Yeah, it's a different time, but it's also like it's a different world.

Caitlin Kindred: 32:09

Yeah, but it's also still really necessary to draw that line. It's a good one, Absolutely yeah.

Ariella Monti: 32:15

One thing we always did growing up is we we had dinner as a family whenever we could. But if we could not have dinner as a whole family, my mom was really good about making sure she sat with us while we ate, so you weren't eating alone and it was no, like, no, granted, like there are times when you're just like I just want to eat, in peace and and everything.

Ariella Monti: 32:37

But she always took that time to sit with you and take it as a time to like catch up and see how things were going, and just so like you weren't just you know you weren't eating alone, yeah, yeah, um, movement and getting outside every day, that yeah, yes, I do that a lot now I mean not the movement part, but the getting outside every day.

Caitlin Kindred: 33:07

Sometimes I just crack the window, it's fine.

Ariella Monti: 33:10

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Oh, that's another one Window Like opening the window is definitely better. Fresh air is good, but I live in North Carolina so I am not giving up my central air at any point in time Absolutely not, but I do use the windows whenever I can. She definitely what she was right about was never being like too old to achieve a goal or switch your paths. So she went back to college when she was in her early 40s I think she was actually 42 when she went back to college, which is my age now to get her associate's degree and just having that family support of making a switch like in midlife, which is what we all tend to do now, because yeah, hi, I'm on my second career, so like exactly yeah, exactly, um and kind of with that, the intergenerational family dynamics, so like my grandmother lived with us for a little while and mostly so like my mom could go back to school, and I don't think that works, for that definitely doesn't work in like this stage of life in our society.

Ariella Monti: 34:30

You know, the intergenerational living not for everything yeah, right, but even having um the help from parents and the helps from mothers and grandmothers, like I, I don't think when I was living, when my grandmother was living with us and chasing me around with a wooden spoon, I don't think I definitely did not appreciate what she was doing for my mother until I had my own kid and was like, oh man, I really could use a grandma around not to chase my kid with a wooden spoon, but you know, but maybe. But maybe, maybe you you know, if it helps, so that's. That's what we came up with I like that.

Caitlin Kindred: 35:17

Um, my mom has a few. I also reached out to my, my siblings for this. Um, I think I I got most of them. Julian has a few that we I mean she has a lot, but there's only a few that we all were like, no, they have to be in this episode. So one of them is make it about whatever they need.

Caitlin Kindred: 35:37

I have sort of twisted this on its head for myself and it's see a need, fill the need right. It's like if there's something that needs to be done, just do it. There's like this whole, there's this kind of thing sweeping the internet of like notice and do right, you see something weird, do something about it. You see something that needs to get done, take three minutes and do it, whatever it is. But hers make it about whatever they need. It's really, you know, especially for like work, like what does your client need? What does the person want? Like, if you're trying to get a job, what do they need out of you? You know, like, that's how then you steer the conversation in that direction.

Caitlin Kindred: 36:14

This one which she said to us all the time. She still says and she's probably going to be annoyed that I don't really know exactly the origin of this, although I have heard it comes from George Carlin and a few others, but it's. You can pick your friends, you can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose. Have you heard that line before? Oh, my father says it constantly. Yeah, he still says it. Yeah. So for a long time I did not understand what that meant, and I still. I feel like there's two meanings to this, but one of them is mind your own business, like stay out of other people's business.

Caitlin Kindred: 36:50

Right, that's probably the main one. But I also thought, like you know, there is a piece of this where you can choose your actions, you can choose who you spend your time with, but you can't choose what they do or how they react to your actions. Right like there's a lot that you can control but there's a lot that's outside of it and just you're gonna have to understand that part of it. But the mind your business is probably the one that makes the most sense.

Ariella Monti: 37:14

Anyway, I think my dad told it to us literally. So you're free to really pick your own nose, but don't do it to anybody else.

Caitlin Kindred: 37:26

Right, Well, and there's, if you look, if you were to search that meaning on the internet, cause I just to see if I was right about what I had assumed it meant. Uh. I searched and people are like I thought it just meant you couldn't pick up people's nose like, or keep your finger. And then the other thing that came up was like why it's dangerous to pick your nose.

Ariella Monti: 37:42

And I was going for but also don't tell me what to do just kidding.

Caitlin Kindred: 37:50

Sometimes, when you gotta do what you gotta do, if you have a bat in the cave, man, get that out, and if you don't, if you have a bat in the cave and you don't know, I'll tell you and I'll tell you to go get it out anyway. Uh, another momism. This is one of my favorites people are stupid. She's like I know people are stupid and she's not trying to be hurtful at all, she's just trying to like if you're complaining about people who are dumb, she's gonna say I know people are stupid and if you just, I think she means like the masses in general.

Caitlin Kindred: 38:20

You know, it's like the whole not every man, but always a man kind of statement right, it's like I know people are stupid and I think she just wanted us to stop complaining about dumb people. But whatever, this is my favorite one and she'll go. What's the rule? And you already know it's coming and she'll go do not f thyself, it's always with thyself. Also, right, so, like, just don't do something that you're, that later you was gonna hate, right?

Caitlin Kindred: 38:51

like yeah, but but yeah, um, those are good. My mom, my mom's, got some gems, all right. So this is, this is when I've come up for myself and I plan to share it with my son when the time is right. But this is kind of taking all of that stuff together from what my mom has said, and this is my own momism that I use now and it's people are not anti you, they are pro them. So, like I'm just thinking about, like you're on the road, this is this is really when it occurs to me the most.

Caitlin Kindred: 39:21

You're driving and for some reason, you are the car that everyone decides to cut it in front of. I don't know why, but it's you. Happens to me all the time, or it'll be like three or four in a row and I'm like what am I doing? There's no space, because the two other cars just took that space. What are you doing? You're trying to get me killed. It's not that they're anti me as a person. They're not looking at my car and going, oh, you have a bluey magnet on your car. You suck, I'm going to cut you off. It's pro them, and especially in a time that we are in right now, where it feels like the empathy is lacking. Everywhere I look, I'm having to remind myself yes, there are people who are anti you, depending on who you are yeah right, right, and in general, people are not trying to necessarily be super selfish to the point where they neglect other people.

Caitlin Kindred: 40:13

It's that they're looking out for their own best interest. So right, so that's something that I've. That's a good one, thank you. When I feel like life isn't fair and when I feel like my son says stuff like that, I have to go go. They're not anti you, they're pro them. They're being selfish, not because they're trying to be, but because they're looking out for themselves. Yeah, I like it. Thanks. Thanks, mom, love you. Let's take a quick break For links to resources mentioned in this episode. Head on over to ckandgkpodcastcom slash blog to find everything you need, and be sure to follow us on social media. Head over to your favorite social media network and find us at CK and GK podcast. And now back to the show. Okay and back. You have obsessions?

Ariella Monti: 41:03

yes, yeah so I I don't want to say I just discovered it, I finally remember to listen to it, but, um, the podcast wild card with rachel martin, tell me, um, it's an npr produced podcast, I think I'm almost positive and she interviews celebrities using cards. So there'll be three questions on a card or, I'm sorry, there'll be three cards with a question on each card and the celebrity has to pick card one, two or three, and that is how the conversation gets started.

Ariella Monti: 41:44

Yeah, and the questions are about the celebrity's life usually, so the first one that I listened to was with Brett Goldstein. You know Roy Kent. Yes, it was phenomenal. It was such a fun. It was such a fun interview. That particular episode is not family friendly, but I did just listen to the one with Weird Al Yankovic. That one is family friendly, so I will say that that's awesome.

Ariella Monti: 42:19

So it's been. I mean, you know, aside from your podcast, I listened to a lot of like investigative journalism and you know I love those Like deep dives. Yeah, yeah, like deep dive type stuff, so kind of depressing sort of stuff, and I needed something a little bit more lighthearted, yeah.

Caitlin Kindred: 42:44

That was how I got into smart lists for a while. Was I needed needed? I was listening to a lot of true crime and I needed something lighter I do need to listen to I'm going to call her Leslie Knope, but I know it's on her name. Amy Poehler's new podcast looks super cute and just looks like she has a lot of fun on that one. So that's. I've also been listening to Anatomy of Murder a lot more lately. That's a really good one. If you like true crime, all right, I'm gonna add it to my list.

Ariella Monti: 43:08

I'm gonna do it mine, is the traitors I know this, but I don't know this okay, so this is a reality tv show.

Caitlin Kindred: 43:19

I'm sure it started in the uk and the us stole it as we do. Um, it is a reality TV show. I'm sure it started in the UK and the US stole it as we do. It is a group of 20 people who come to a castle in Scotland. The goal is to earn as much money as possible by completing challenges as a group of 20 people.

Caitlin Kindred: 43:38

But in the group there are people who are named traitors. Everyone who's not a traitor is a faithful. Whoever's left at the end of the game wins the money. So if there are only faithfuls left at the end of the game, then all the faithfuls get to split the money. However, if there's even one traitor left among the group, that traitor takes all of it. And there it's like so it's 20 people. One trader left among the group, that trader takes all of it. Wow, and it's like so it's 20 people. They eliminate two people a day. It goes fast. And the level of not backstabbing? Because that's not it. It's the people who think they can read people really, really well. They're like I know, this person's a trader and they are not even close. I was watching one there.

Caitlin Kindred: 44:25

I was watching the British version and everyone at the end raised a glass and the one woman who didn't raise a glass got called out for being a traitor. Well, what you don't know about that woman, or what she then tells you, is you know why I didn't raise a glass? Because I don't have a right hand. I lost it in an accident and the glass was on my right, so it's awkward for me to reach across and raise the glass. And they eliminated her anyway. I was like, oh my god, just because she didn't raise it. Like it is wild. And the people who are like, uh, I worked in government, I was, I was in the police and I know who's lying, and they are who are like, uh, I worked in government, I was in, I was in the police and I know who's lying, and they are dead wrong. Like I cannot stop every time every time they're always wrong.

Caitlin Kindred: 45:11

Uh, and the american version is good too. They like bring on kind of a mix of celebrities and regular people, and by celebrities I mean like reality tv star celebrities, like people who are on big brother and like bravo, yeah, yeah, yeah, but yeah, I cannot stop watching. It's so good. If you like, it's fun, it's fun drama it sounds like murder mystery dinner.

Ariella Monti: 45:36

Yes, yes, it is a little bit like Clue yeah. It is giving.

Caitlin Kindred: 45:41

Clue vibes. It feels very like Clue yeah. Gems Do you have any? It's okay if you don't, because I have a kind of a big one.

Ariella Monti: 45:51

I can't remember like anything that happened this week.

Caitlin Kindred: 45:57

I know I laughed about a lot of things this week, but I can't. I know I'm not smart enough to write them down in the moment.

Ariella Monti: 46:02

So I know a lot of things this week but I can't, I don't, I'm not smart enough to write them down in the moment. So I know it was you know what was was kind of cute. I will say this my kid is obsessed with these minecraft chapter books and the other day after I I got done like doing doing my PT in the morning when I walked by his door, his I think he was still sleeping or something. But by the time I finished doing my PT and I went to go wake him up for school, he was already awake and he was reading his book.

Ariella Monti: 46:35

Oh, Like all in bed and stuff the cutest, and I was just like oh my god, my little reader I know.

Caitlin Kindred: 46:43

I love when you catch them doing that.

Ariella Monti: 46:45

Apparently, like one night, you woke up at like 2 o'clock in the morning and, instead of coming into our bed like he usually does, he read his book for a half hour, oh, and then maybe came into our bed.

Caitlin Kindred: 46:57

Oh. I was like if it keeps him out of doing it, doing it.

Ariella Monti: 47:01

Yeah, no, no, take it back. Then he came and tore it back.

Caitlin Kindred: 47:09

So mine is. If you're listening to this, in May of 2025, I have been nominated for a women podcasters award in the education category, so I would love it, if you're a listener, if you could vote for me. I will put the link in the show notes. It'll be right at the top, uh, and it will also be on our website, and you'll probably get a pop-up every time you show up on the website, which we don't care. Go vote, um. I would love to have your support. That's my gem, and please vote for me yes, really cool.

Ariella Monti: 47:53

I'm glad you mentioned it because you did send us the the link, for yeah, you're required to vote if you haven't already if you've been on my show you and you're not nominated.

Caitlin Kindred: 48:02

You need to go vote for me yeah, yeah valerie deborah go vote yeah, I need to.

Ariella Monti: 48:07

I it was my.

Caitlin Kindred: 48:08

My phone was not happy about it, I think, wherever it's a google form so it's not a hard thing to do, and I'll put the link directly to me, like if you go to it you click on my page and then there's a big old button at the bottom that says vote.

Ariella Monti: 48:21

So all you have to do is I think I saw it at work where, like, the internet sucks at my job, and maybe that's when I was like, oh, let me do this right now.

Caitlin Kindred: 48:28

And then it was like well, you have the link in front of you right now.

Ariella Monti: 48:32

I do, I'm gonna do it, I am gonna do it okay, that's all I have.

Caitlin Kindred: 48:40

Happy Mother's. Day to all of the people who celebrate, whoever in whatever way you. That's all I have. Happy Mother's Day to all of the people who celebrate, whoever in whatever way you celebrate, whether it's kicking your kids out for 24 hours good for you, that's a great way to celebrate. Or it's honoring your mom in some way, or it's giving your doggies a snuggle, whatever it needs to be. However, you feel like you want to honor the mom figure in your life, have a great one, or honor yourself and you're a mom you want to honor yourself.

Caitlin Kindred: 49:07

You should, you really should, especially if you have young kids. Yeah, man, you are in the trenches, my friend, yeah, all right. Yeah, with that, jenny would say make good choices. Love you, mom, bye, bye.