Caitlin Kindred: 0:28

Hey friends, this episode had some mild to moderate sound issues and we apologize in advance for the sound quality. We'll be back to our regular good stuff next week. Thanks for hanging in and we appreciate you. Hello and welcome. And I'm not Jenny, so you're not going to hear me sing because, nope, that's just not. It's just not my thing. Just don't do it. Um, we're so glad you're here. Welcome to how to be a grown-up. This is the show that teaches you how to do things like how to get crayons off the wall, because we just googled it before we started recording and, by the way, the answer is you spray WD-40 on the wall and it'll cover it up.

Caitlin Kindred: 1:15

Yes, I'm Caitlin, and with me today again is my friend, debra Dolinar, who is the Austin head of marketing and growth for Tula Life Balanced. We met a few years ago, when our kids were in kindergarten together, and she's just an absolute joy. She is our Zen Master of Strategy and Glow Giving Guru for our self-care talk today. Last week you were here and you shared steps for and tips for how to manage our energy. Things like deep breathing, things like prioritizing different parts of your routine for when you know your energy is at its peak or at its lowest. Today, you're here to talk about managing time and a better work-life balance, so this is something I need help with. Just give me all the information, because I struggle here. Yeah, I mean, first of all, I have to say that managing our time don't be so hard on yourself, because I think that managing our time is a lot like home organization, that it's not just done and then it's perfect all the time. It's. The word management is there for a reason so we can like revisit it, you know, yeah, so we're revisiting it today.

Caitlin Kindred: 2:34

So, managing our time, the one top rule that I can say is to sit down and really write down what does your ideal day look like? And I know our weekends look a lot different than our week days. So sit down and write down that you're like what would I like my ideal day to look like? Okay, so I'm curious, like if you were to I'm putting you on the spot but if you're like, okay, what would my ideal day look like? That's a good question. I'd probably start with sleep, like sleeping until my body naturally wakes me up yeah, and sometimes my body will naturally wake me up, you know, around four because anxiety. But also, if I could go back to sleep, I'd probably enjoy doing that.

Caitlin Kindred: 3:21

And then, you know, um, breakfast tacos and coffee, and spending some time with good friends and laughing, maybe crossing something off of my to-do list finally making that phone call that I've been putting off for three months but it takes five minutes, and then spending the rest of my time with my husband and my son, watching movies, playing games, stuff like that. Yeah, that's pretty similar to mine. Yeah, I am impressed that you all eat breakfast tacos during the week, because that is something that yeah, that's pretty similar to mine. Yeah, I am impressed that you all eat breakfast tacos during the week, because that is something that we do like as a treat to us. So, I know it's. It's not an everyday, it is a. If it's ideal day, yeah, we love good breakfast tacos, so so what you want to do is really look at your ideal day and see you need to figure out how to make that happen. And, granted, I know you're going to say, like, our ideal day doesn't involve doing laundry, yeah, but obviously we have to squeeze that in. But really look at what you want your day to look like and then figure out how to get as close to that as possible. So it's a matter of adding in what's missing. So, for us as a family, I realized that I really enjoy doing game nights with our family and after dinner, sitting around the table playing cards. So fitting in what you want, adding in what will bring more meaning to each day and then subtracting what's not working.

Caitlin Kindred: 4:48

We have made ourselves so busy and we commit ourselves to so many things that aren't necessarily ideal or not moving us towards our goals that we sign up because we feel obligated or for various reasons. And I am voting for us to slow down our life. And I know that some people are like, but I'm a parent and I have all my kids things, and I'm a firm believer in also showing our children that we don't have, that their schedules also don't have to be so crazy. And and talk me off the ledge Do you think that this is crazy? Or do you think that this is, that this is possible? That if we started subtracting the things that we don't have to do in life, you think this is possible? I do, and I you made it just sound so simple.

Caitlin Kindred: 5:35

My brain always goes back to teaching it's backwards design. Right, if this is if this is the end goal, then what do I need to do to accomplish the end goal? If I need to take out this thing that sucks because I it sucks and it doesn't fit my ideal day and I need to add this piece in, that seems pretty simple and manageable to do, I think, also knowing and being realistic, that like that's, that's a, that's a target. It's not going to happen every day, yeah, but even if it just means sort of taking out one thing that sucks to get you out of you know what I mean or adding in one thing that makes you happy, I think could get you, but that seems pretty manageable to me. Yeah, it does. And I think for us, even I our dog, luckily, is not one of those dogs that has to be walked absolutely every day. She's not a high energy dog, but I realized I was happier when I did walk her twice a day, if possible, and even if it's for five, we're on the block and she's, you know, she doesn't complain, but she's, of course, happier when she does get a walk. Um, I hope no one's judging me.

Caitlin Kindred: 6:42

No, yeah, putting those things bring more meaning to your life, and especially for our weekends, because I am guilty of this, of spending way too much time on our phones, spending way too much time on social media, when we know if we replace something else that would bring a lot more meaning into our day, we can move ourselves towards a happier life. So I know, while that doesn't look like managing time, I think it's a really good. Starting point Is how I'm spending my day moving me further towards my goal or moving me further away from my goals and my ideal life? Yeah, and use as like a daily target. We're so quick to be so hard on ourselves about getting on our phone and scrolling.

Caitlin Kindred: 7:24

But I read something recently and it completely changed the way I think about habits and time management. Change the way I think about habits and time management and I reflect back on it time and time again and that is our brains are, for the most part, pattern seekers. That is, our brain's job is to search for patterns, and so if we've created that pattern of at this time of day, I pick up my phone and I scroll. That's what our brain is going to go to and it's what it's going to seek out, and so I think working hard to get to find that new pattern will be helpful, but not beating ourselves up about it, because that's all our brain is doing, and so we were so used to getting that dopamine hit that way that we can find another way to get that dopamine hit. That is something that I've been working on for myself lately is kind of separating my thinking about myself from my brain's job. There is something very valuable about that metacognitive piece of thinking, about your thinking, but there's also something very valuable about separating out your emotions from what's actually being processed by your brain. So that's a really nice point. How is my brain thinking versus just like being taken over by the thoughts?

Caitlin Kindred: 8:41

But like so, going back to time management and all of that, I, you know, I know, we all know this to like plan your day, plan your year, plan your day, plan your week, plan your month, plan your year, but make sure, when you're planning it, to include your life there. Because, like in the work-life balance, when we look at our work-life balance, so I would bet no one is like, oh, you know what I need to do, I need to put more work, I need to put more work in this. Yeah, no, put your life in that schedule and protect that time. And I know we talked about, we touched on the phones a little bit and I'll go back to it in a little bit, but I have to admit that my phone addiction is so bad that I have a lockbox. There are many that you can order Mine's on Amazon, it's called the YSky Portable, and you set the time and it literally will lock your phone. And my addiction is that bad and so I just put it in the lockbox and I'm a lot more productive and it really does show you how attached we are to picking up our devices. So, as far as time management goes, that is definitely a good tool for those of us that just can't stop or are very distracted by our computer. No, I'm thinking about it for myself. Wow, good for you. As far as managing our phones, they're such great devices, but we have to make sure they don't rule our lives. Yeah, absolutely yeah. And with that I have to share a quote that I can't stop thinking about from Dolly Parton. And it's don't get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life. Oh, all of us just need to follow the church of Dolly, like she's just so amazing, amazing, yeah, she is. So, with time management.

Caitlin Kindred: 10:39

The other really important aspect is to prioritize and delegate, and I want to start with putting fewer things on our to-do list so you can put a brain dump at the beginning of the week of all the stuff that you need to get done that week or that month. But if you actually put just three items on your to-do list that day, you're more likely to accomplish those things. Because if we put too much, you know, sometimes we just put what we hope to get done. Oh yeah, it's overwhelming. So just like, just put down where you're, like, I have to get these three things done and I guess if you finish those three things and you have extra time, you can go back to the other list and say, okay, let me pull one more of those things, cause it's the overwhelm. Sometimes it stops us from getting more done. Oh, I absolutely have overwhelmed paralysis a hundred percent, which is why I have to start with something small and then build in momentum for myself. Um, and other people I know don't function that way, but oh, that overrun paralysis. That was a really good tip to just put three things. Okay, that's what I'm going to try tomorrow.

Caitlin Kindred: 11:39

Well, and I know you said I like to do a lot of little things. I actually call that power hour. I kind of get a kick out of doing this, where I do mine like more like afternoon, like not my one to three slump, but my afternoon, where I'll put down like all these little tasks and then I'll set the timer for an hour and I'm like how much can I get done? It's my little challenge of like, okay, let's see, I call it my power hour and I'm like how much can I of these little tasks can I knock out? Oh my gosh, that is brilliant, especially with people who have ADHD. The competitive piece, the turning it into a game yeah, oh my gosh, I already do that with. I do like a 10 minute tidy where it's like, okay, I don't want to do anything, let me set a timer for 10 minutes. What can I pick up in those 10 minutes? Why don't I do that with tasks? That's really smart. Okay, thank you. Another tip I'm going to you Got it, yeah, and it feels great when you get all done, yeah, yeah. So I briefly went over prioritize and delegate, but I want to dive more into it. Please do, please do the brilliant.

Caitlin Kindred: 12:45

Stephen Covey said not to prioritize what's on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities, so really going to the ideal life and your goals. One thing that we all do, though, I think, is we work outside of our work hours, and that is what's going to immediately tip that work-life balance. What we really need to do is just schedule our work hours and stick to it and just say nope. That other time is either my second shift, where I'm cooking dinner and doing laundry, or and or being with my family, and I'm reminding myself of that because I've really started creeping into doing work outside of work hours.

Caitlin Kindred: 13:25

And, um, checking email. Oh my God, the time management. How many times do we check our? How many times do we check our? How many times do you check your email a day? Um, so I'm really bad about email, and now that there's that new priority inbox on my phone app, I check it. I only see, like the ones that they kind of highlight. Yeah, but more than I'd like to admit. It's probably like 10 times a day. Yeah, for my personal, my personal inboxes, and I'd like to admit it's probably like 10 times a day. Yeah, for my personal, my personal inboxes, and I have like four to manage because I've got personal, and then the podcast one and then there's a couple other. Yeah, it's a lot, so a lot, yeah, yeah.

Caitlin Kindred: 14:03

So I think also, with that sticking to, I'm checking my email twice a day, oh yeah, but it's on my phone and so sometimes I'm just like it's that boredom thing or that pattern thing where I just pick it up and check it. So checking our email less, and we talked about avoiding distractions and phones a little bit just that general idea of how addicted we are to our phones. I know you've touched on it in previous podcasts, but here's what I found interesting is that studies show they did a study where they had people who were told to use their phone more when they were I think it was like a museum or something with their family and ones that were told to put their phone away, and we showed we could probably predict this, but studies showed that people who use their phones more found the event less meaningful and they were more lonely. Even if they were with their family, they were more lonely and they found it less meaningful. So you know, if we're going to prioritize our time and manage our time to really just be mindful when we're using our phones, and then the constant interruptions they show with work. It comes at a cost, so it takes away our productivity, our mental wellbeing and so really eliminating any distractions. So that's interesting because I do a couple of things with work.

Caitlin Kindred: 15:26

I will one. I have an app that kind of schedules my tasks for me, like it auto-populates my calendar with this is your priority right now. It's due, you know, in two days, whatever, but I have it set so that I only check work emails at the beginning of the day and at the end of the day. Nice, because the constant interruptions get to be a lot right and because when people send emails a lot of time, you know there's a fire under their rear end to get something done, but their emergency does not constitute an emergency for me. I have other deliverables that I have to work on, and so that's really been a big protector of my productivity. Is beginning of day work email check. End of day work email check and then, like at the end of the day, after that I'll write down like these are things I was asked to do in my emails during the day or whatever.

Caitlin Kindred: 16:19

The interruptions are huge and they definitely, definitely can impact the amount of time you have for a task, absolutely yeah, and distract us and it's harder to get back on. Yeah, absolutely true, yeah. So I'm going to go back to prioritizing and delegating, because I think I've rushed over and it's it's so, so important that I, especially when we look at work, we need to and personal life, look at work, we need to and personal life again, re-evaluate our goals, our ideal day, and prioritize what will move us towards that, towards our goals or towards our ideal day. And the other part of it is delegating, and we have filled ourselves with so many obligations. I think it's time to start delegating those or getting rid of them altogether.

Caitlin Kindred: 17:06

Let me give you an example. So, tula, we are a on-demand personal assistant and personal chef company. We have an app where clients can go on our app and request, within 48 hours, anything that needs to be done off of their to-do list. And I think it's important to whether it's with Tula or a friend or a neighbor to learn to delegate our tasks that we don't have time for or that we really, really don't want to do, or that have been on our to-do list for several months. So I'm sure you have.

Caitlin Kindred: 17:36

Can you think of anything that's been on your to-do list for like several months that you just like don't want to do, yes, okay, that you just like don't want to do, yes, okay. So one of them was making an appointment for my cats to go to the vet. They're just fine. They just haven't been to the vet in a while, they're fine, so finally did that. And then the other one is I have a bunch of things that need to be put away that are from the last trip we took, and they're just sitting here in a basket and it's right next to a basket of things that need to go to a donation facility. Yeah, I just haven't taken them, they're just sitting on my floor and it'll look so much better when they go away.

Caitlin Kindred: 18:14

I just haven't done it yet and there's no judgment whatsoever, because if you came to my house, I have, I have the same thing, and I think that it's a matter of letting ourselves ask for help and accept it. So, whether that's delegating it to our husband or a friend, so we can get rid of those tasks and offload those off of our to do list. Because, like you said earlier, you said, oh, I had that, that phone call to make that took me five minutes. That has been on my to do list for a long time. Call to make that took me five minutes. That has been on my to-do list for a long time and sometimes it weighs more on us mentally than it does just to like delegate it and let it go.

Caitlin Kindred: 18:57

Oh yeah, when I finally do it, I'm like everybody clap for me. Yeah, I made a phone call. Yeah, not even an important one, I just made the call Congratulate me, I need, I need a hug, I need a cookie, I'm gonna buy myself a little treat. Like it's so hard to do those things sometimes, but yeah, it does weigh on you quite a bit. And then and then you this is the part where that I really need to work on that, you mentioned it earlier is and I beat myself up with myself, talk about it where I'm like, seriously, took you five minutes to make that phone call and you sat on it for three months. What are you doing, you stupid head? You should have finished that a long time ago. And that's not, that's not healthy, right, and it's unrealistic to do that, but that is the way I. Or if I don't get it done, then I'm like really, yeah, you sat on your phone and you scrolled. You found how many memes today and you didn't make that five minute phone call. What is wrong with you? And that's not, you know. Neither one of those are healthy. So, yeah, no, we have to be be gracious to ourselves, cause I think sometimes we just don't want to do something and that's okay.

Caitlin Kindred: 19:55

I had a similar situation where we had taken our dog to the amazing dog sitter, but we brought the crate with us and the crate was sitting in the back of my car for like three months. I'm not kidding, uh-huh, there's a box in the back of my car. It's empty box, yeah, yeah. And I was reminded of it like every time we did grocery. I do grocery store pick up, because every time I was reminded, because they would be like do you want us to put this on top of the crate? And I was like sure, it's fine, not a big deal, you can put it in there if you want. It doesn't matter, it's all good. Yep, yeah, and it would kind of like make the little sound. You know that the crates make when you're like in the back. I got it. Yeah, I gotta get that out of there. Yep, I get it. Yeah, so what I should have done is just said to my wonderful husband hey, can you get that crate out of the car for me? So just delegate it. But let me. I curious.

Caitlin Kindred: 20:45

I want to ask a conversation around our culture of delegating and what would make it easier for people to ask for and accept help and delegate. So I think a lot of this is is tied back to the American culture of this. I do myself this bootstrap idea right, and a lot of it is the evolution of what women have done to further their own social station, with feminist movements and things like that. We went from being people who worked full-time inside the home getting all these things done, and no, stay-at-home moms do not have it easier. What I'm saying is the time was spent differently and you weren't expected to do things outside the home and inside the home. Right now there's this expectation that women parent as if they are stay at home parents but work as if they are not parents, and those two things you can be both a an employee and a parent, but those two things can't coexist in perfect harmony all the time. It just doesn't work, yeah, yeah. So I don't want to say we've done this to ourselves, because that's not it at all.

Caitlin Kindred: 22:01

I think, culturally, there was a time when people helped each other more. We had different expectations around what it was to work outside the home. This work from home life was not the same as it is now, where sometimes you don't have any separation between the end of your workday and then your second shift that picks up right after that. So, in terms of asking for help, there was a time where we didn't really have to ask because people would pick it up for you or because you weren't so stretched, yeah Right.

Caitlin Kindred: 22:38

I think now it's hard for women to ask for help because, one, we don't want to for a couple of reasons. Uh, one is that we're supposed to, supposed to, is an air quotes supposed to be able to do everything, um? Two, ideally we have a partner who gets it, who we don't have to ask. We can just clearly be struggling and they'll say oh look, the laundry needs to be done, let me go ahead and do it. Be struggling and they'll say, oh look, the laundry needs to be done, let me go ahead and do it. Yeah, um. But mostly I think it's just that shame of I'm supposed to be able to do this. Why can't I do this? I don't want to ask, and so it.

Caitlin Kindred: 23:15

I think it's easier when there's a menu of options to choose from. Right, like here are the four standard things that everybody needs help with all the time Laundry, getting crap done outside the house, dropping off stuff, errands and a couple other things, and you can just choose. If you could pick up my groceries and fold my laundry for me, that'd be amazing. Right, those are things that would. It's already there.

Caitlin Kindred: 23:38

And also, taking away the fear of asking someone face to face for help. Yeah, right, isn't that like? So that's so hard to look at someone and say I need help. You know, um, especially asking people that we know, who know us to, to support whatever it is that we're we're struggling with, that's, that's a hard thing. Yeah, and I think it's also probably because we already know that we're busy and we're afraid to add something to someone else's plate. Absolutely true, yeah, that's why I do think that Tula is amazing, because you can go on the app, you don't have to talk to anyone. You type it in, you ask for the help. But I do understand that. You know, I wish everyone would have Tula in their lap. I know that's not always feasible, so that's where I'm like well, what else can you delegate?

Caitlin Kindred: 24:32

And I think one of the hidden, best hidden gems that parents have neglected are our babysitters, and here's what I'm talking about. So my husband and I go on date night at least twice a month, sometimes more. Good for you, yeah, I know it's great. Well, because we were like it is one thing that we prioritize and we, we love it, we need it. We find that when we don't do it, we're just not you're not yourselves. It's yeah, exactly, it's better for us to have that.

Caitlin Kindred: 24:53

And yeah, I think you know date nights aren't for every couple, but if they are, we hire our babysitters for an ungodly amount of money and we pay them to watch our children. Our children go go to bed at like 8, 8.39. And then the babysitter sits there and enjoys your Netflix, which is great. But we looked at each other and we're like why have we not been asking them to fold our laundry, or at least our son's laundry? If you don't want to outsource your own laundry, then I'm like use your babysitter's time when they're sitting there at night. Utilize them to help out that to do list. Like make it a two for you're going on date night.

Caitlin Kindred: 25:28

You guys are relaxing your babysitters taking care of your child and, after your child or children are in bed, have them offload some of those tasks for you. You're paying them there and often we're like we're just paying for a warm body to sit there and watch Netflix, like no, some of the other things like you mentioned, like oh, I need to take this to Goodwill or Salvation Army. You know, if you're friends with your neighbors say like hey, is anyone doing a Goodwill run? Or the best thing is when we get together and we sort of work as a community to help delegate some of those tasks, if that makes sense. So, like one of our neighbors, absolutely Bringing, absolutely Bringing stuff to the recycling down in Austin already had an appointment. He's like you need stuff. So I think, looking for those options to delegate, I think if we slowly work towards shifting that culture of asking for and accepting help, those things can fall into place easier.

Caitlin Kindred: 26:16

I like that I hadn't thought about the people who are already doing something. They're not going out of their way, they're already going to do it. Why not see if they'll take your thing too? Yeah, good one. And that's the one thing I keep trying to think of a way that we could make a I haven't thought of it yet, but a way that we could kind of create a group thing for Tula, for that idea. Like we're all running the same errands, we're all going to the post office and picking up on the reason, so what's a way that we can just do it together and be smarter about our time? Yeah, yeah, I like that. Yeah, oh, I almost fell out of my chair. Yay, alrighty, so well.

Caitlin Kindred: 27:03

Let me say the last few things, because I know, when it comes to time management, I am not a huge fan of meetings and I'm a board member of an organization. So if the other board members are listening, I love, love being on the board and their meetings are very productive. That being said, I hate nothing more than going to a meeting that is pointless. That could have been put in an email. So, time management, stop going to pointless meetings. Stop signing yourself up for pointless things that are just a waste of your time. Also, if you have one of those notoriously wasteful meetings, I saw some meme or tweet or something that was like if no agenda me, no attenda, just make sure that there's a reason that you're going, tell the team. Can someone please tell me what the agenda for this meeting is so that I can determine what value I can bring to the meeting, because if I can't contribute anything valuable, I'm not going. There's a way to say it so that you don't sound like a jerk. But yes, absolutely, that's a time suck that you don't need to be a part of. If you can help it, yeah, absolutely, absolutely. So in moving towards that time management and kind of giving yourself better work-life balance, because no one wants to go to pointless meetings and waste their time. So I know we've touched on this earlier of to have better work-life balance.

Caitlin Kindred: 28:27

It's about adding things and subtracting things and letting go of things. But I know we all know this. So I wanted to ask you what makes it hard? Do you think in our culture, what makes it so hard to let go of things, even if they're not serving our goals or ambitions or our ideal life? I think it kind of comes back to what you feel obligated to do. Yeah, I should be able to do this, I should be able to, and shooting all over yourself is really unhealthy. Um, I think that's a big part of it. I think some of it is habit. I think some of it is um, it worked for someone else, it should work for me too. I think that's a tough question, but I feel like those three kind of come to mind right off the bat.

Caitlin Kindred: 29:18

There's some things, too, that I'm like. I mean, I talked about this in one of the episodes earlier. You know, does my walk count if my watch doesn't track it? And there there is a sense of obligation that comes from those sorts of things. So you feel like you kind of have to, because if I don't do this, then I don't get my steps. Or if I don't do this, then you know, I lose my streak of whatever. The stupid streak may be right, there's some of those too.

Caitlin Kindred: 29:46

We're just putting so so much pressure on ourselves for everything too. We're just putting so, so much pressure on ourselves for everything, right. Why do I have to maintain a streak of 17 days for Wordle? Why does that need to be a thing? Who cares For the record? Yes, I do have a Wordle streak going because I still do them, but 19 days I think it's 19 right now. Nice, right, yeah, but it shouldn't be. Why am I putting pressure on myself to get that done? That's supposed to be an elective thing. Why does it have to be a thing? Yeah, yeah and I think about that with your hobbies a little bit of like it needs to be something enjoyable. We don't need to put so much pressure on ourselves.

Caitlin Kindred: 30:25

But when you're mentioning you're mentioning laundry and you're like, well, I should be able to do this. There's something that I used to tell myself. This actually was related to like I was in a friendship that just wasn't healthy for me and was looking at things in my life, too, that weren't healthy for me, and like meaning, like my schedule was so jam-packed that it was impacting my stress load, like I was just stressed all the time. This was pre-pandemic, and I started asking myself, like I can do it. Yes, is it good for me? Because we can always keep pushing ourself more, but at what expense to ourselves? Right, family, right, mental health. So I think it's really important.

Caitlin Kindred: 31:08

As far as like self-care and time management and all of that, ask yourself, like, is it good for me? Yeah, yeah, of course I can fold the laundry. Of course I can fold the kids' laundry, but if I can, you know, go on a date night and have our babysitter do it. This is so much better for me. Or maybe laundry is not the best example because it's not very stressful and we all listen to your podcast while we're holding our life. Yes, we do, um, you know, because there are days where we have all the energy and we have, we can give ourselves 100. But really, just being being honest with yourself and knowing yourself, and we're so, so hard on ourselves and we've signed ourselves up for so much, you know, I, I know you talked a little bit.

Caitlin Kindred: 31:51

You kind of were referencing like the 50s and 60s of how our culture was back then. Not only have we shifted to where we're doing more, we're asking our kids to do more, we're asking our spouses to do more, but yet we've often moved away from our family units. So we don't have that help Right. Because I was so jealous we had a few friends whose both parents were in town and their grandparents were in town and they're helping out with the kids and the laundry and I was like that's really nice, but most of us don't have that, yeah.

Caitlin Kindred: 32:21

So I think really kind of going back and seeing the reality of what, not like what have we done to ourselves, but like what's realistic right, all, but like what's what's realistic right, all these women who, like, do it all a lot of them have help and this culture of like taking care of yourself. Not only do you do things yourself financially with your job, but you also do things yourself in the home, and that's just not how we were meant to do things. Yeah, at all. And even, too, I was thinking earlier that I think it. It goes even further than what we, than what we give ourselves credit for. So I didn't live in the 50s, so I don't know 100%, but I do know like a lot of it was like tv dinners right, the tv dinners kind of it was a thing.

Caitlin Kindred: 33:09

Yeah, where now we shame ourselves for something that's like even close to a tv dinner. We keep like raising the bar for these expectations for ourselves, but we're not, we're not delegating anything. You know, of course we're gonna get burned out and not have time to take care of ourselves. Yeah, um, and I actually saw someone another thing on Instagram or TikTok or something that was like maybe it feels like it's getting harder because you keep changing the expectation and in this case it might not even be you. To me it's external forces, it's society changing expectations, right, like there was a whole Pinterest birthday party thing that started happening, where it was like, why did parties have to become this big deal? Like why can't I just order pizza and take all the kids to a pool? Like what's wrong with doing that Little things like that, where we're all putting so much pressure on ourselves to do things that are for lack of a better word extra don't need to be done that way.

Caitlin Kindred: 34:06

Well, and I'll put it, and I agree with you because that that I was fortunately or unfortunately, I don't know which one did not get the pinterest I like. I like pinterest, but I don't have that in me where I can create a party like that. That's photo worthy. No, but if that is important to you, if you're like I really want the cute party with the cute decorations, you can outsource that. Yeah, there you go, yeah, and Tula does that. Tula does the party planning. You want to do the party planning. You want the, the aesthetically designed, gorgeous party? Then ask someone else to come in and do it exactly the balloon. You're gonna spend the money on it anyway. You might as well have someone who knows what they're doing. Do it. Yeah, exactly gosh.

Caitlin Kindred: 34:50

So I think you mentioned this in a previous episode and when you said, I was like yes, I say that too. People are going to keep asking you to do things, and if it's not a hell yes, I hope I can say that you can absolutely say hell yeah. If it's not a hell yes, then it's a no yeah exactly. Or another way of framing it is I had a very wise mentor once tell me, if you're debating about something, the answer is no. And what I've always said is unless it's double stuffed Oreo cookies, because then the answer is always yes, always yes.

Caitlin Kindred: 35:25

After weekends, make sure you're giving yourself a break. Oh, yeah, yeah, I don't know about you, but I actually really love looking at my weekend plans and like, yeah, my son will have black football and his music lessons. I really like having nothing else planned. Yeah, isn't that weird to other people? No, we've talked about the joy of missing out before. I'm sort of a one thing a day kind of person, and then I love looking at my calendar and going, oh, I don't have anything planned. Yeah, that feels nice. Yeah, it was really nice. Yeah, and I think we should do that more.

Caitlin Kindred: 35:59

And I wanted to leave a little bit of time to talk about hobbies. I knew you talked about it in. Was it your last episode or two episodes ago? It was, it was a couple episodes ago, yeah, so I loved that. I loved it. I loved hearing about your hobbies. I loved hearing about your crocheting hobby. Yes, so fun. I haven't started my next project yet, but I need to. Yeah, what's your next project? It's probably going to be a Woodstock. If I made a Snoopy, I got to make a Woodstock, right, aw? So, yeah, I've got one I stock, right, oh, yeah, I've got one. I've got one. He's right, he's. He's sitting in a bag waiting to be started, but he's next. I'm not as successful on the crocheting aspect as you are. Your crocheting was lovely.

Caitlin Kindred: 36:38

I really wanted to learn how to crochet. This was when, when our sons were in kindergarten together, and so I was learning. I was watching YouTube videos and I even took like a one-on-one class. But I saw that video where, if you learned anything about crocheting, there's this video where they say Stop it, stringlet, scoop out its guts, throw it over a cliff. And so my son had seen me watching this video and he had kind of memorized it. And we were in the middle of the grocery store, everyone's around and he starts saying stop it, scooby, throw it over a cliff. And I looked at him like maybe that's not the best thing to be whispering in a scary voice in public. So, oh, and they were in kinder so they would have been, like, probably masked. So can you just imagine like you're standing at the grocery store next to this little kid in his mask and he's like stab it. It makes it even creepier, really, I know. Oh my gosh, oh, so good, so sweet. So it was really really innocent.

Caitlin Kindred: 37:49

Yeah, that was a lot of information about managing your time better. We talked about being mindful of your time with your phone, being mindful of spending the time on the things that make you feel like it's worth it to spend your time on and removing the things that don't feel worth it, and about delegating and leaning on others and how it's okay to do those things. Let's take a quick break. We'll be right back to talk about other obsessions and silliness in just a minute. For links to resources mentioned in this episode, head on over to ckandgkpodcastcom slash blog to find everything you need, and be sure to follow us on social media. Slash blog to find everything you need, and be sure to follow us on social media. Head over to your favorite social media network and find us at CK and GK podcast.

Caitlin Kindred: 38:45

And now back to the show. Okay, we're back, and do you have any obsessions that you feel like you have to share with us right now? Yes, yes, okay, they're not like fun obsessions. They don't have to be, they don't have to be. No, they don't ever like. Okay, my, sometimes my obsession is like almonds, like don't. There's no pressure here. This is, this is a safe space for anything that you're obsessed with or like is ridiculous, like don't, even, it doesn't matter. Yeah, it's super useful.

Caitlin Kindred: 39:12

So I'm obsessed with the finisher's journal. It comes quarterly, I'm telling you, for I know you've mentioned, for someone like me that's easily distracted. You know I come up with a new idea at least all the time, all the time. Yeah, I tried to look at the number to make myself feel better, but it's the finish. I've had so many different planners and they need to start paying me because, as much as I've been like talking about this journal, it's amazing.

Caitlin Kindred: 39:39

I'm on my second one and it really does help you focus on your goals and accomplish them and has stuff like gratitude, it just it has all the things you want, but it's also not too time consuming to do it every day the things you want, but it's also not too time consuming to do it every day. I love this. I'm about to go look this thing up. I'm, I have like all these little notes. Yeah, you're giving me all these great ideas. I'm. I'm really excited to look at this and it's now on. It's now on Amazon. And then, okay, my other obsession it's been for a while. Have you heard of the Daily Stoic obsession? It's been for a while. Have you heard of the daily stoic? No, so it's the.

Caitlin Kindred: 40:15

It's a podcast, youtube channel, um, and a guy named ryan holiday. He's written several books too, so it's going to sound super dry, but there's two videos I'm not kidding you on a youtube channel that I've probably each listened to at least 100 times, so I'll give you those specific videos to post your blog. Yeah, but one of like one of the 10 lessons we need to tell ourselves every day, and one is like eight questions we should ask ourselves. I know I'm not getting the title exactly, but they're so helpful to like recentering myself when I feel like monkey mind or I feel whatever is weighing on me too much. It really does help me recenter and it helps me focus on what's important and the cool thing is is that Ryan Holiday lives in Bastrop and apparently is oh no worries In Austin. He owns a bookshop in Bastrop called the Painted Porch. Okay, and I'm just like I'm his greatest fan, so I'm obsessed with the Daily Stoic and go check it out. I will definitely take a look at that.

Caitlin Kindred: 41:15

Um, my current obsession right now is an Instagram account. Oh, she's called the mom psychologist. I need to just take a look at all of my saved Instagram posts and like do a calculation of how many of them are hers. But it's like I have all these saved Instagram posts and like do a calculation of how many of them are hers. But it's like I have all these saved Instagram posts and some of them are like things I want to talk about on the show or things that I just think this is brilliant, you know, or this is funny and this one is. It just makes its way into, like, my mom folder. But she has things, like you know. These are five questions that are meant to be used before bed that will strengthen your connection between you and your child, or morning rush mistakes that will ruin your entire day, like what these are. This is so smart and it's easy to consume. It's just a swipe, right.

Caitlin Kindred: 42:08

She puts one tip on a slide, but I just really appreciate the message that she's providing and I've implemented some of those things and it's kind of interesting, like what's happening as a result of them. One of them was like the nine most important minutes of your child's day and it's the first three minutes after they wake up, the first three minutes after they get home from school and the last three minutes before they go to bed. Those are times when you, you know, you put your phone down and you give them just three minutes of your time. Yeah, that's not hard to do, right, and I started doing that and it's it's. I'm noticing a difference already with my relationship with my son, so I really like her. I would highly recommend she's. She's my obsession right now.

Caitlin Kindred: 42:51

The mom psychologist on Instagram. I will definitely go. Look at that sounds. Anything that helps the bond with our kids is gold, a hundred percent. Yeah, I feel like you already told me your gem, which was your crochet story, because that was so good.

Caitlin Kindred: 43:12

Well, there's another creator on Instagram. Her name is Tessa Romero and she was talking about how she talks to her children when they get lippy sassy with her and the thing that she does when they start talking to her in a way. That's not okay. She'll, she'll go. Who am I in a very nice way. Who and who am I when the kids are like you're my mom? Okay, and how do you talk to mom? And at her house the answer is kindly, we talk to her mom, kindly.

Caitlin Kindred: 43:47

So I tried it with my kid. Wait, I tried it and I was like okay, so who am I? And he's like mom. And I was like and how do you talk to me? And he's like like this. So I did not do a good job of front loading how we do this. And then, when I sort of front loaded it again, I was like well, here's the thing. Like we talk to our parents in a kind tone, like we love them, right, like like we want to be talked to. Any of those things would have been appropriate responses yeah, um, I did the pre-teaching, which I had forgotten to do.

Caitlin Kindred: 44:19

And then the next time I tried it the question I said you know who am I? And he goes. I really don't want to do this. Oh, it was like okay, let's try it again. Who am I Mom? I really don't want to do this. So that was my parenting fail. Yeah, no, I'm so glad Our sons are very similar in that regard. We had a photo situation today that he didn't want to have his photo taken and it was around a large group of people and it was he refused, and so we had a little talk about it.

Caitlin Kindred: 44:54

After you know what, though? Part of me, I'm glad when kids can be themselves in front of them. Yeah, yeah, and just fully. Yeah, I'm glad he could. He felt comfortable enough with me to be himself. Yeah, but I will say just asking, asking the question. I've noticed stops the, the snippy responses. At least, if I have to ask the question, he gets that like oh, I maybe crossed the line with how I should speak to my mother. Um, again her name, I forget. Uh, tessa romero got it perfect. She's really great.

Caitlin Kindred: 45:31

Yeah, yeah, and I don't know if I have given the discount for your listeners for Tula. Oh, yay, demand personal assistant or personal chef. We also have the personal chef services, which is very high demand right now. Yes, we're really excited. We brought a new personal chef on board recently and she's amazing. So all your listeners get a 20 discount and the discount code is grown up 20.

Caitlin Kindred: 45:58

So if you just go into any of your apps and download tula, life balance is t-u-l-a and plug in the discount code grown up 20 yay, free stuff for listeners. Yes, guys, guys, jenny would tell you to make good choices. So definitely do that. Take care of yourself and use that discount code, because 20% off that's a big deal. All right, awesome. Thank you for being here, of course. So, like I said, jenny would tell you to make good choices. So do that and take good care of yourself. Bye, thank you so much for listening. Just in case you missed it, the promo code for to a life balance on demand personal assistant is grown up 20, as in how to be a grown up 20. Bye.