Caitlin K: 0:29

All right, I'm Caitlin and welcome to how to Be a Grown-Up. This is the show that is a how-to show that gives you advice on being a grown-up, and today it's going to be all the insights into the ADHD mind. Regarding hobbies, with me today filling in for Jenny as she has a robot move. Her knee is pod friend and author of Roots and Ink, ariella Monti. She is my glitter covered library wizard. If you don't know what I'm talking about, go back to the library episode.

Ariella Monti: 1:04

You'll know what I mean.

Caitlin K: 1:05

Anyway, jen, we love you. We're so glad you're healing now. The robot thing is weird. Not weird, not gonna lie. There's a robot moving your knee and that's very strange. But it's cool. It's just weird. Did you know that was a thing? I did not. It like bear, like it. It like moves her knee so that it bends like an inch and then goes. She sent me a video. It does not look like it's fun, especially for someone who just said knee surgery. But it is what it is. It's cool, but it's a little weird. I didn't know it was a thing. Yeah, anyway, if you want to support jenny and her recovery, feel free to send me a text using the link in the show notes, um, or you can send me a message through our website, on the contact us page. Today we're continuing our spring into self-care series with a discussion about hobbies. This is dangerous territory for us ADHD years, but that's okay because hobbies are self-care and it's a way for ADHD years to get.

Ariella Monti: 2:08

Absolutely. This is like. This is like our bread and butter, right here.

Caitlin K: 2:15

Oh, a hundred percent, give me all the random hobbies. Let me buy all the stuff for them. No, let me not. Let me go to the library and see what I can borrow, or go to a buy nothing group and do it that way and then see if I actually am really into it. Anyway, I really did get into crocheting. I really do like it. Um, it feels like more than just the usual three-day ADHD hyperfixation where I spend all the money and then don't do it. So I'm glad we're talking about this, because this is something I need to be intentional about making time for for myself. So, anyway, let's talk about hobbies for self-care and why you need to either get a hobby or do more than just say I'll get to it when I can. You need to actually make it be a part of your self-care routine and make it a habit.

Ariella Monti: 2:59

So this is going to be more of me just sort of gently poking your listeners to get a hobby and commit to it. To get a hobby and commit to it, and it doesn't have to be perfect and it doesn't have to be, you know, a big, long commitment or anything like that, but this is just my little gentle poking. So, if we want to look at the scientific reasons why we all need some kind of hobbies, there was a 2023 observational study published in Nature Medicine and this study included 93,000 people across 16 countries. They were all 65 years and older and here's the important thing they all had long-standing mental or physical health conditions. These, these are like our people, you know these are like our people.

Ariella Monti: 4:02

Okay, these, these are not like neurotypical, super healthy people like these are. You know, these are, these are average.

Ariella Monti: 4:10

Joes, that's what they are, and they were followed for between four and eight years and the people who had hobbies reported better health, more happiness, fewer symptoms of depression and higher life satisfaction. Oh, wow, that's awesome. I love that. Okay, that we already know are linked to good mental health and well-being, which is creativity, sensory engagement, self-expression, relaxation, cognitive stimulation. And then, on top of that, if you are doing these hobbies with other people, it keeps you socially connected and that helps reduce loneliness and isolation.

Caitlin K: 5:11

Okay.

Ariella Monti: 5:12

Yeah, so these, the, these, the hobbies themselves, it's. It has all the things kind of baked into it that we already know have these benefits, like long term sure, so that's for your health is why what's the word to get through the dumpster fire that is life in 2025? Make time for a little bit of hobbies for some hobbies.

Caitlin K: 5:43

I think this is a really important aspect of this, because when we talked about self-care, we were talking about the, the benefit to your, to your mental health, the benefit to the reset, the benefit to the ability to stay calm in moments of crisis. Right, and for a lot of people, the hobby is like the, the time to kind of disassociate from everything else. Right, it's like it's a, it's a mental clarity piece which is so important to that mental health happiness space. It's a mental clarity piece which is so important to that, um, mental health happiness space. It's really, it's really interesting to think of this angle as as a piece of self-care, because it does provide that activity without the thinking, without the, or you know the thinking about something completely different.

Caitlin K: 6:30

And for the people who are, I don't know what my self-care is you know it's like it's going back to that reframing of, like, well, what you know, what are the things that you love that make you feel happy? Well, if you know, doing puzzles is one of the things that you love, makes you feel happy, then that should be you should, and it's a hobby of yours, and consider it self-care and then use that as you know. It's just a really interesting idea and the idea that it's so beneficial to your overall health is kind of amazing. Absolutely, because it really is so simple.

Ariella Monti: 7:02

In a lot of ways, you know, I think we've overcomplicated even hobbies. You know, especially us ADHDers, we feel like we have to do our hobbies like 100% perfect, we have to do it just the right way, and that is not at all the case. Like you're still going to get all of these benefits by just taking it in little bits and chunks.

Caitlin K: 7:29

You're right about the perfectionism piece. Jenny and I were on the phone the other night and she goes. So I hate to tell you this, but you might be a little of a perfectionist and I was like, okay, pot, meat, kettle shut up. But also, she's not wrong. Right, and that's especially for people who do have some perfectionist tendencies in them. If it's not easy right away, they tend to think that it's something they shouldn't keep doing right away. They tend to think that it's something they shouldn't keep doing. But if it's not easy right away and you enjoy it anyway, then why not? Or you know you're never going to get good at it, then why not? You know, keep it going.

Caitlin K: 8:02

I think that that's part of why ADHDers also don't necessarily stick with hobbies. Oh, totally. I don't know about you, but I think we tend to be a little bit of a jack of all trades, master of none sort of thing, where I can pretty much do a little bit of everything decent, if not above average, but then I can't escalate it past that because I don't keep practicing, and so then I get frustrated with myself. So there is this moment of me needing to take a step back and going. Okay, but this is something that I did because I thought it was fun. It gave me a dopamine hit when I first started doing it. Why am I needing, why am I putting this much pressure on myself to get better at it? This is literally just for fun. This is literally just for mental clarity.

Ariella Monti: 8:44

I don't need to sell it which I'm sure we're going to get to Totally, totally, but anyway.

Caitlin K: 8:48

So I love hobby groups too.

Ariella Monti: 8:52

This is cool, right, so keep it going. I'm excited. You know there's a big joke that, like, once you get into your 30s, you start picking up all these like grandma hobbies like crocheting and cross this 100 like bird watching and all the puzzles you know, when we're in, we're 20s, we're like oh why? Does my grandmother like to do puzzles? And then we turn like 32 and it's like oh, look, look at this new puzzle I got, you know I can make bread Like.

Caitlin K: 9:14

it's just the most rare and that happened a lot during the pandemic too. Right Like people were like I picked up crocheting and now I'm so happy and you're like well. I obviously need to do something because, ooh, yes, I love the old lady. Hobbies, give them all to me here for it.

Ariella Monti: 9:29

And the thing with hobbies and this kind of goes back to what we were saying about the perfectionism is that how involved you are into these hobbies or these interests are just they're going to be dependent on your season of life and what you have going on. It is a lot easier to have a hobby when your kids are 12 than when they are 12 weeks Reach. You know, our boys are the same age and so they're about eight and a half and it's a lot easier to have hobbies now than when they were. You know, toddling around trying to off themselves.

Caitlin K: 10:01

You know, in one way or another I was gonna say like I was gonna finish that sentence the exact same way you did, like trying to find ways to electrocute themselves and or find random pills on the front.

Ariella Monti: 10:13

So don't get sucked into this perfectionist mindset that you have to dedicate hours a week to do this hobby. It's better to do it infrequently and imperfectly than to not do it at all. One of my examples from my personal life is how I got back into reading when I was nap-trapped, because my kid would only nap for longer than 20 minutes if he was on my chest. So for one to two hours I was stuck in a chair. To two hours I was stuck in a chair. And the day that I decided, instead of scrolling TikTok no, tiktok didn't exist back then Instead of scrolling Facebook.

Caitlin K: 11:00

I could read on my Kindle.

Ariella Monti: 11:14

And that is how I started reading again. And you know, with time you start to have those pockets of time become bigger and bigger. So don't kind of get stuck in that, well, I can't have a hobby because I don't have any free time, and it's like, yeah, you're, you might not have any free time. Like you might not, but it's not always going to be like that. So if, like, that's the way your life is right now, it's okay. The people in this this study were 65 right, they had time.

Caitlin K: 11:41

Yeah, they're all retired. They don't have kids to monitor.

Ariella Monti: 11:46

Yeah, exactly so if the only time you can read or crochet or color is when you're nap trapped or stuck in the car or on your lunch break and it takes you three months to finish a book or a project, that's okay, do that?

Caitlin K: 12:06

yeah, I agree, and I also I'm gonna go back to a couple of things we mentioned in the episode about self-care we introduced. This is one. I'm hopeful that you back to a couple of things we mentioned in the episode about self-care we introduced. This is one I'm hopeful that you have a partner in your life, regardless of the season of your life that you're in, whether it's the 12 week olds or the 12 year olds, I hope that you have a partner in your life who sees the value of that hobby for you and provides you with the escape time that you need in order to do it. So that's the first thing.

Caitlin K: 12:33

The second thing is should you be fortunate enough to have that partner which, by the way, you deserve to have that partner? This should be a non-negotiable. But should you have that partner in your life or that person in your life it could even be a mom friend who acts as a body? Double hint, hint, ariella. Ask them for that time. Right, you know, say I miss reading. Can I swap you this activity for me to read 30 minutes and see what happens? You know, there's a really good chance that that person who you've expressed this to will understand why you need it and give it to you. I do like the idea for the people who are nap-trapped and or up in the middle of the night nursing. Use that time to find the mental escape that you need, because that's important, and if you're not a person who gets nap-trapped and you're incredibly busy, again advocate for that time.

Ariella Monti: 13:27

Absolutely Definitely.

Caitlin K: 13:31

So what if you're not sure what your hobbies are?

Ariella Monti: 13:34

So if you're not sure what your hobbies are, I would like it to be hobby curious.

Caitlin K: 13:40

Ooh, that's a very fancy word. It feels borrowed from a genre of something. I like that Hobby curious.

Ariella Monti: 13:49

Yes, be hobby curious. So if there are things that you're interested in, you can, as we said in previous episodes, check your library for introductory classes. These are usually free or very low cost and some will happen on a consistent basis, so every couple of months. There might be like an intro to crocheting class, there might be an intro to something else, there might be a book club. All of these are opportunities to kind of test out a hobby without going like full commitment on it, and you're going to be with people who are experienced and really and already really enjoy it so they can give you, you know, all the little tips and all the little tricks.

Caitlin K: 14:40

And that is also where that social aspect comes in uh, if you are someone who does not have the ability to get to the library and or access these free classes and you have an internet connection, youtube is a fabulous resource for teaching you just about anything. And, uh, if you want to be like the kids these days, the gen zers and the gen alphas uh, they are increasingly turning to tiktok to learn new things. Yes, there is so much you can learn online, so if the library is not an option, you can't get access to it. You literally don't have the time to drive 10 minutes to the library, because then you have to turn right back around and come back. Please use the internet to provide this introductory lesson for trying.

Ariella Monti: 15:31

Absolutely. And YouTube TikTokiktok, those are all. They're all real. Especially if you're a visual person, it's a really great way to kind of learn these things yeah for supplies.

Ariella Monti: 15:46

You can again check your library, see if they have a library of things and if they might have those things that you can borrow or you can thrift it. You can check your local buy nothing group. You can see if you can buy them used on facebook marketplace or something. You can borrow them from a friend, you know, if you want to try crocheting like, I've got a ton of yarn that I can pass on to somebody who wants to learn how to crochet.

Caitlin K: 16:16

Right. And for those of you who are, uh, nap trapped or new moms or something like for can't get out of the house for whatever reason, I have seen it's not common, but I have seen on by nothing groups, people who say like this is something I really need, but I literally cannot leave my house, I'm bedridden or I'm whatever, and there are people who are kind enough who will bring you these things. It is amazing to see. So I'm not saying you don't have, I'm not saying there's no excuses. I'm saying that there are ways around some of these difficulties that you might be experiencing. So definitely agree with the supply angle. For sure, definitely. The supply angle for sure, definitely.

Ariella Monti: 16:53

One way to get into a new hobby is doing it with your kids. So doing these things with your kids through like a parent and me class allows you to explore the hobby in a super introductory way, Like literally like they're talking to you like a five-year-old and you can learn these little basics before you commit to something on a more adult level.

Caitlin K: 17:22

I love that. That was not something I had even thought of. I'm about to go see what I can do with my son, because that does so many things. One you're providing a new skill, right. Another outlet. We are big into encouraging our child to do sports, because we want him to listen to other people and learn to work with others. Some kids are just not into that, so this is a great way to address that we talked about in the last episode. You're also doing that, bringing your kids in on the concept of self-care, right, like you're teaching them.

Caitlin K: 17:57

This is something that we do to enjoy ourselves. It's for pure enjoyment, it's for nothing else, and it makes me feel better. Does it make you feel better? Here's why it makes you feel better because you're just finding time to enjoy yourself and like, think about the, the value of the connection of that time. Right?

Caitlin K: 18:16

I'm very intentional about any time that I spend one-on-one with my son. I label it and I will say this is mommy and Sam special time. That's all it's called. It's not called anything fancy, it's just this is mommy and Sam special time. It could be us going to the grocery store together, but it's something that he and I do together, just us. And it's for whatever reason, and it's not. I'm sure that there's science behind it and I'm sure every child psychologist and parenting coach in the world is going to. If they hear this they're going to scream at me like duh. But it makes the relationship better to the point where I don't have the same difficulties with it, the relationship better to the point where I don't have the same difficulties with him. We don't get into as many fights because we've had the mommy and Sammy special time right. It's a really interesting idea.

Ariella Monti: 19:07

I love this idea of getting into a hobby with your kids. Oh my gosh, what a great idea. Yeah, this is how I got into pottery, because my son wanted to take a pottery class, and the community center that I work at has an amazing pottery program for adults and children, and I also know the pottery teacher because I work there and she does these extremely popular family clay time classes on Saturday mornings.

Ariella Monti: 19:36

So it's a child and they're adults and there's a project that they work on and they work on it together and you learn the basics of pottery and initially my son was going with my husband. Because I am not an artist I suck at art.

Caitlin K: 19:56

I'm going to stop you right there. One, don't talk about my friend like that. Two, your form of art is different from what you're defining art, as you are a writer.

Ariella Monti: 20:05

That is art, that is true.

Caitlin K: 20:06

I'm going to bring you back Now, you might not feel as though you are gifted in a traditional sense of art.

Ariella Monti: 20:13

That's that is true, yes, yes all right so he started going with my husband and he, he loved it, really enjoyed it, and then at some point he was like I want you to take a class with me. And I did, kind of anticipating that it was gonna be a disaster, going to be a disaster, but it wasn't and and so I had a lot of fun and I started going to more classes with him and then finally I decided to just do it on my own and take the adult classes. And now pottery is a hobby that I do. I do frequently. Now it's easier for me because I work at a place that has an accessible pottery program, because pottery is an expensive hobby, so it's accessible to me in a way that it might not be accessible to other people. But the point is that, like my son still takes pottery, he still goes to pottery once a week. Now he's doing it on his own, if you're doing it as a class.

Caitlin K: 21:16

think about what that means. Yes, you have to get there. You could view it as a burden, but again, this is scheduled self-care. You put it into your calendar and you are going. There is not, especially if you paid for the class. If you paid for the class, that's when you really are like, okay, I need to go. There's value in getting the return on what you did. So that's a really interesting piece. It's again, it's not just finding the time, it's that you've made the time. It's part of your calendar. It's something that you do every Saturday morning or whatever it may be. That's another valuable piece of using an outside resource to develop these hobbies. It forces you to put it on your calendar and do it. Yeah.

Ariella Monti: 22:04

And then there's the accountability piece of it. You start to make friends in these classes and then it's like, oh well, where's Ariella? How come she hasn't been in class, or what's going on with her. This is the only place that you might talk to a person and you know, when you left class they were telling you all about, like the drama with your, with their neighbor, and like you want to find out what happened with the neighbor you know, like I live for those conversations.

Caitlin K: 22:31

so the social aspect of that. So you may get all the tea and I'm someone who, again, I live for those conversations. So the social aspect of that. So you may get all the tea and I'm someone who, again, I live for those conversations. They're my favorite. There's no such thing as TMI and there is no such thing as gossip for me, because I want to hear all of it. So if that's a reason to go back to class, I'm going, oh yeah absolutely.

Caitlin K: 22:51

I am a chismosa to the max. Tell me everything. I love it. Okay, all right, so you can use your kids to be social, to start a hobby? Uh, you can use the, the time, the scheduled block time, to be a chismosa and have scheduled self-care. What else can you do to learn more about these hobbies and get yourself started?

Ariella Monti: 23:17

So Facebook and Discord, just if there's a thing that you want to learn about, just join these groups or these servers and just lurk for a while, look at the conversations, what people are talking about and then eventually start, you know, asking questions.

Ariella Monti: 23:36

Sometimes these groups have outings or meetups and you can learn more about it. I signed up. I ended up not going, I think because I was sick or my son was sick. A it was a birding meetup through the Audubon Society, like in Raleigh, and now I can't tell you how many emails I get from meetup about birding opportunities. So yeah, these are other ways that you can learn without committing to it and then, once you are ready to really dive into the hobby or the interest, you can start asking questions or you can meet up with these people if they have, if they have these kinds of outings, and even if you're not ready to kind of dive into the hobby, like you could still hang out with these people, people and talk to these people and get to know these people, especially if they're in your community and you just have a common interest.

Caitlin K: 24:43

Right, you might not be doing the activity, but you're at least interested enough in the activity to go and engage Right, like maybe you don't have time in your life to grow a vegetable garden but you are interested in gardening.

Ariella Monti: 24:55

If it's a group that's going to kick you out because you don't have a physical garden like they're a bunch of jerks and you shouldn't be hanging out with them anyway. You know like yeah yeah, it doesn't matter what your involvement is. It's just a way that you can kind of start to expand on the interest and maybe socialize a little bit.

Caitlin K: 25:13

Yeah, I've found that people who don't get an ADHD or started talking about a hobby that they love because you'll never hear the end of it. But I find that people who are interested in a hobby and are actually participating love to share why they like it and would love to show you more about it, even if you're not necessarily engaging with it. I also don't want to rule out Reddit as a great option for this. Reddit has infinite amount of information and an infinite amount of questions and answers on Reddit that are about an infinite amount of hobbies, so that's a great place to learn and ask questions. People will absolutely engage with you on reddit.

Caitlin K: 25:56

I mean, I love reddit. I I tend to go down rabbit holes. It's kind of like tiktok for me, where, like I'll, I'll go in spurts because I really love it and I'll spend too much time there instead of crocheting on reddit. Can reddit be a hobby? I think it can't. Anyway, I'm reading, so I think that's tough, but that's a great place to go to. So, yes, if you hate Facebook and you don't have Discord and you don't if you're like me and you're like if there's one more social channel that I have to keep up with, I will lose my ever loving mind. Reddit might be the place to go, because you can really go in and out without getting too involved in too many notifications.

Ariella Monti: 26:31

Totally Like. 90% of the time, if I have a question and I ask the internet, like my answer is going to be in Reddit?

Caitlin K: 26:37

Yeah, definitely. There's a really good chance that if you're trying a new hobby and you have a question about something, the answer will exist there, so that's a great place to go. Okay, what about? We talked about time, like. We talked about making sure you have dedicated space in your life to set aside every week, every day, every two weeks, put it on your calendar, sign up for a class if you must, because if you don't block off the time, you'll blow it off. And we talked about the accountability piece of that. What about space for your?

Ariella Monti: 27:14

hobby and your house. If you have the space and now I am I am very understanding to the lack of space. I have a very, very small house and it has no garage. It has really crappy closets and our shed is my husband's office and our shed is my husband's office. So I on it, like we were talking about mindfulness, and being able to focus on your hobby sometimes also means that you have to be in a place where your hobby is the focus, and that doesn't mean it has to be a whole room Like we. The dining room in our house is. It's like a catch-all room. We used to call it the room of requirement because that's our guest room. It is like that is where, where that's our drop zone for all of our bags and backpacks. It's where everything lives. But now I have a small square table like one of those plastic folding tables in there and that is my dedicated space. It's where I do my sewing, it's where I do any hobby where I need a little bit of space.

Caitlin K: 29:01

This kind of reminds me of when people tell you to work on your sleep habits. What do they tell you to do? They say that the bed is only for sleeping right, so that you train your body to understand that this is the space where I sleep. I don't do things that keep me awake because I've told my body now it's okay to be awake in this space.

Caitlin K: 29:25

It's kind of like that where you have this dedicated space where you do your hobby, and so your body knows. When I'm in this space, my brain is going to shut off on all the other things and I'm going to fixate on this one thing that's in front of me for my enjoyment. Yes, this is the sanctioned space of the hobby self-care area. That was a dumb way to say that, but what I'm saying is and I'm going to edit that part out Now that when you have that dedicated space, not only does everyone in the house know that's your space for your hobby so when you're sitting there, leave me alone, I'm doing my hobby but also your body, your brain subconsciously understands this is where I do the thing that I enjoy.

Ariella Monti: 30:10

Yes, definitely.

Caitlin K: 30:13

Okay, so I'm going to. I think I'm going to be able to summarize this pretty well here. One science says you need a hobby. It's good for your mental health.

Ariella Monti: 30:23

Yep.

Caitlin K: 30:25

Two, if you're not sure what they are, again, I'm going to go back to my definition of self-care, which is find the things that make you happy and make you feel like yourself. Those are your hobbies. There's a really good chance Otherwise. Be hobby curious. Consider old lady hobbies. Look into something that you can do with your children. Do a search online and see what Reddit gives you in terms of options for that hobby and other free resources that you can look into. Make space for your hobby, both in terms of the physical area around you and on your calendar, in order to use hobbies as your self-care. Yeah, okay, what other thoughts do you have about this?

Ariella Monti: 31:05

before we wrap this up, so my two big things that are kind of related and we talked about this earlier when we talked about perfection but be bad at it. Allow yourself to not be good at this hobby, especially right out the gate. Now, if it's frustrating, the hell out of you. Like it's not for you. This is one of those things where you're bad at it but you're enjoying learning. Of those things where you're bad at it but you're enjoying learning, yeah, and so just be okay and I know this is hard and it has taken, you know, lots of therapy and growth to get to this place but, like, be okay with just not being good at this thing and just enjoy it because you enjoy it.

Ariella Monti: 31:59

That said, if you do get really good at it, do not make this your side hustle. Your hobby does not have to be monetized and your hobby should not become monetized. If it's something that you love enough that you're like, hey, like I think I want to do this for a living, like that is fine, that is totally cool, but then it's no longer your hobby, it's your job, and I can tell you this because writing is my job, it is not my hobby. Pottery is my hobby. Writing is my job and it's a completely different mindset when you take your hobby and start monetizing it. So four the love of everything, the love of that hobby. Yes, Do not make this, I beg of you, do not make this a side hustle.

Caitlin K: 33:04

Yeah, I think if you have a natural talent for something and people are like I would love to buy that from you, and then you can turn it into a job and you want to do that, that is completely different from saying I'm going to become really good at crochet so that I can sell it. That's the mentalities there are very different. So I think that's the argument here.

Ariella Monti: 33:23

Yes, definitely, definitely. And you need a hobby to give you a break from your job, and having that hobby is going to make you allow you to be better at that job. So writing is a creative job. I have creative hobbies that are not related to my writing that work a completely different muscle in my brain, different physical muscles in my hands than writing, because being creative in a completely different way helps me be creative in my writing job.

Caitlin K: 34:03

Yeah, you aren't starting a hobby to make money. You're starting a hobby to give yourself enjoyment. Don't start a hobby with the intent to make it your side hustle. Start a hobby with the intent to make it something that you enjoy as a form of self-care. If you want to monetize your hobby, fine, but understand it's no longer a hobby for you. It is a very enjoyable job, right. But with jobs come pressure, and just keep that in mind as you go about this. Okay, so I love that.

Caitlin K: 34:32

Writing is my job. Pottery is my hobby. For me, it's also writing Very different style of writing. Writing is my job. Podcasting is my hobby, you know. So is crocheting, and so is doing a puzzle and sleep. Those are all my forms of self-care. All right, let's take a quick break. Thank you for that. I love that spin on the idea of self-care and we'll be right back For links to resources mentioned in this episode. Head on over to ckandgkpodcastcom slash blog to find everything you need, and be sure to follow us on social media. Head over to your favorite social media network and find us at CK and GK podcast. And now back to the show. Okay, we are back. So do you have obsessions besides pottery?

Ariella Monti: 35:33

I do so. My obsession lately has been using this website called democracyio to harass my congress, people and senators yes, okay, state reps only or no?

Caitlin K: 35:50

this is like local and all this is.

Ariella Monti: 35:52

So this is it's just federal on like, unfortunately, it's just federal. Like, unfortunately it's just federal. I wish it had like a local, a local bent to it, but it's just federal. So, basically, what it does is it's like the five calls app, but it's for email. So right, so what you do is you put in your address and it brings up your two senators and your representative your two senators and your representative, and you can choose if you want to send an email to one of them, all three of them to whatever, and then it will populate kind of everything for you. So you can just send out like I, just I send it to like all, regardless of what it is, sure, yeah, who cares? Right? And then I write my email and then it gets sent out to all three of my representatives. So I've written one email and it gets sent to three different representatives.

Ariella Monti: 36:56

I could not tell you what the tech behind it is, but I do know from the emails that I have received from these representatives that they are getting them. Good, I would recommend that, if you use this app, maybe put at the bottom that you are using the app to send the email, because the first one I got back, I think my senator one of my senators was going to disregard it because it was a it was a third party engagement app and, um, they weren't going to take it very seriously, um, which is kind of not okay. Um, it would be. If they weren't going to pay attention to those could potentially violate a Supreme court ruling. Um, which I very politely pointed out in my follow-up email.

Ariella Monti: 37:55

Um, but since then at the bottom, after I sign my name, I do say I'm sending this email to my representatives using the democracyio engagement platform.

Caitlin K: 38:08

Okay, that's good to know An easy way to get involved without pressure or anxiety, but still getting your messaging across.

Ariella Monti: 38:19

I like that.

Caitlin K: 38:20

That's a good obsession to have, I think, uh, mine is a way for me to get out all of the anger that I am feeling these days. Um, when I was teaching, I used to do this workout. It's a. It's a boxing workout and I'm not going to name the workout or the trainer because I don't want to get into that and I'm not sponsored but it does boxing three days a week and then the other two days are lifting days and it's become muscle memory for me. I used to do the workout again, like I said, all the time. It's like a six-week program. It teaches you everything you need to know, from start to finish, like what the punches are, and it's not kickboxing. That's a. It's a different thing. It's like standard, traditional Mike Tyson, muhammad Ali style boxing. Right, it is so fun.

Caitlin K: 39:12

If you are looking to make yourself feel cool, do this workout. You will feel so. I don't. I don't swear on this show, so I'm not gonna say it. You will feel like a as the way my son would put it, a bad A if you do this. Okay, it is the most empowering workout. Like, I am very much a bad A when I'm doing this. It's. It feels so empowering. Uh, highly recommend a boxing workout If you haven't tried it yet. It's really fun. That's my obsession right now. I love that. That's amazing. Okay, what about gems? Oh my God, this is the I'm now.

Caitlin K: 39:48

I'm just now reading what you have on the show notes. I'm dying, oh my goodness.

Ariella Monti: 39:55

Okay, so I will. I will not repeat what I put. I put the. I put that in the show notes just for you, to make you laugh um inappropriate language.

Caitlin K: 40:04

It's not for moms.

Ariella Monti: 40:06

It's a, um, it's an, it's a. It's an accurate word to describe a rooster, but it's an impolite word in other uses, if you have right.

Caitlin K: 40:18

If you are a mom, you know the word, and especially if you have boys, you know the word. Yeah, uh. However, you might be listening to this in the car with your children, in which case we won't say it right. Or if you read a lot of romance, you read it right, often. What sound does? A rooster? Okay, now we know what the word is. Yay, okay, bye. So tell me about this gem.

Ariella Monti: 40:40

I'm this is freaking wild, okay. So background we are a chicken-raisin family. We have had hens.

Caitlin K: 40:57

I'm sorry. I'm such a city girl like the idea that there's like. I know people in this city have chickens like it's. So I grew up in San Francisco like, and then Denver like.

Ariella Monti: 41:13

I grew up in a middle class suburb on Long Island. I mean I can't. But now I live in a middle-class suburb on long island. I mean I right, like, but now I live in a in a rural suburb and you really do. Yeah, north carolina. So we have had chickens, a couple of different flocks of chickens, for maybe like 10 years or so now. Now we have never had roosters. But take it back, we had one rooster and he became lunch for a hawk, so that was very short-lived. So we've always had hens. Now, because I live in North Carolina, when kids are learning the life cycle in elementary school they use chickens as the example. So he asks me for eggs because he wants to. He wants to like go in a dark room and like, hold a flashlight up to it to see if you can.

Ariella Monti: 42:10

Like see the you know the little chicken side and I was like well, we don't have a rooster, so we are not going to have any fertilized eggs. And he was like well, we don't have a rooster, so we are not gonna have any fertilized eggs. And he's like, well, can you get fertilized eggs? And I was like you know, actually I can get fertilized eggs. Um, I got them from a friend of mine and who was thrilled to give them to me. And now these, yes, are fertilized eggs, but she, they were fresh, so they have not been sat on for a while, like they're like. So it was very unlikely that there was going to be a chicken in them. Anyway, but I bring them home and I'm like hey, look, I got your eggs. And then I hear the the rest of his plan, which was to hatch these fertilized eggs.

Caitlin K: 42:58

Oh, I'm shocked. You didn't know that was coming, because I knew exactly where this was going.

Ariella Monti: 43:03

So he and my husband and I were like oh no, we're not going to hatch these, for several reasons. One we need an incubator. We don't have an incubator, or we have to put these under one of our chickens, and then that's a whole thing. Need an incubator? We don't have an incubator, or we have to put these under one of our chickens, and then that's a whole thing. But the main reason is that I had six eggs and we could not risk hatching six roosters. Yeah, because for people who don't know, you can only have one rooster per 10 hens, otherwise it gets. So we had to explain this to my kid and he got a whole lesson in chicken dynamics. But then he was like, well, we should, we should get a rooster. And me and my husband were like, okay, well, we had one and stuff happens and we don't want a rooster because then we have to constantly get the eggs and we have to make sure that we don't end up with more little chicks, because, yes, they're adorable but like, we don't want that sort of responsibility.

Caitlin K: 44:09

Right.

Ariella Monti: 44:10

And he was like, oh okay, and then the next freaking morning there is a rooster in my backyard.

Caitlin K: 44:24

We have no idea this is life.

Ariella Monti: 44:26

Yeah, this is life. My kid asked for a rooster and the universe was like bet and I just won a billion dollars Right right, right, why, like, why couldn't it be something like that?

Caitlin K: 44:47

So this rooster we don't know where it came from.

Ariella Monti: 44:49

He's fairly docile, but he just kind of made himself at home.

Caitlin K: 44:51

Oh no, with our three girls, and now we have a rooster and you're gonna have to, like, do the thing with the eggs that you didn't want to have to do yes.

Ariella Monti: 44:58

Yeah, his name is Steve Rougers.

Caitlin K: 45:05

Because Winter Soldier is your comfort movie.

Ariella Monti: 45:08

No, because my hens are Hennifer Walters, which is She-Hulk, Yelena and Sylvie from Loki.

Caitlin K: 45:16

My previous flock had Wanda and Natasha, so Winter Soldier is your comfort movie, just like I said, right. And Because the Marvel Universe is a thing in Ariel.

Ariella Monti: 45:28

Right right, because the Marvel Universe is one of my hobbies, so I went with Steve Ruggers, because it is too soon for me to use the name Clucky Barnes, which was the name of our previous rooster, who became lunch for a hawk. It would have been hilarious if he was lunch for a falcon, but unfortunately it was a hawk, this is so demented and this all happened.

Ariella Monti: 46:03

This this rooster showed up like after my son and I had left, you know, for work and school, and so when I picked him up, I I was like hey, I've got a surprise for you. And we get home and I bring him out on the on the deck and he's like what, what? And I'm like you asked for a rooster and the universe delivered. Right, he's, I love it, yeah so good.

Caitlin K: 46:37

Yeah, uh, my gem is not nearly as cool as yours. We've talked about this already. I got a new washer and dryer. Yeah, they, they are the future, as my son pointed out. They are beautiful. I love them. Uh, I'm cleaning, not cleaning out, the dryer.

Caitlin K: 46:57

I learned two things. One, um, I, I really need the light on in the dryer. Like there's a light in there, and if I, if the light doesn't isn't on for whatever reason, all of a sudden it becomes really difficult for me to do the laundry, like pull the clothes out. I don't know, it's like it shouldn't be that hard, like I can still see in there, but I just need it. So I learned how to turn the light on and I was very proud of myself. I had one of those I am the smartest man alive moments which I posted on instagram because I really legitimately had that.

Caitlin K: 47:25

The other thing is, I am learning, uh, that I'm very anal about the state of this new appliance in my house. I want it to stay as pristine as possible. Well, that's really difficult when you have a little boy, and the other day I found a little boy Band-Aid stuck to the drum of my dryer and I, just I was. I turned the light on to get the rest of the clothes out. And I'm I. I fold in the laundry room, like I take out a piece of clothing, fold it, put it in the basket, take out another piece. That's why I need the light on right, because I don't. I'm not just, I'm not the person who just like, grabs the whole pile and brings it into the living room, although I have done that and I see a great value in that. It's just not how I do it.

Caitlin K: 48:16

Yeah, um, and when I turned that light on and I saw that band-aid on the bottom of my dryer, I was in the house by myself, thank goodness. I screamed all of the obscenities why is there a old band-aid on the drum of my dryer? I was was so angry. Did it go through the wash? It must have, like, I don't understand Because I, but I don't know where it was because I didn't see it on any of the clothes Right. So either someone was very intentional, opened up the bandaid and stuck it to the inside of my dryer which I highly doubt happened or it somehow was like in the clothing. But it was. It was opened up like a perfect just. It looked like someone had opened up a band-aid and stuck it on the inside.

Ariella Monti: 49:05

It was flat it wasn't like flopping, it was just perfectly there.

Caitlin K: 49:10

Oh, I was so mad like this is disgusting. I knew that at all. So of course I was like now I have to clean it. So I got a Lysol wipe and cleaned that part of the dryer. I probably should have cleaned the whole dryer because I was so angry about it. Only a parent can find that Pokemon Band-Aid on the inside of their dryer. It was so gross. Anyway, we've done it. It we've done another episode. Yeah, yay, it's a. It's a hobbies for self-care episode. So jenny would tell you to make good choices. What are you gonna say? Hi, steve rugers, we're gonna go, you guys make time for your hobbies.

Ariella Monti: 49:55

okay, get a hobby. Go touch some grass there you go Bye.