Caitlin Kindred: 0:29

we're here and I think it's Tuesday. I don't know what day it is for you. Again, jenny is the one who does the it's Tuesday shout. I have no idea what day you're listening to this. It might not be Tuesday. Either way, hi, it's a day, it's a day, it's a day and you're alive and great. Okay, so welcome to how to Be a Grown-up. This is the show. That is the kick-butt auntie who gets it that you need in your life. Uh, with me today is pod friend and published author. You guys, her book is out. You can buy it now. Oh my gosh, yes. Published author ariela monti. She is my wise, goofy goldfish.

Ariella Monti: 1:13

Oh, because I forget things very easily.

Caitlin Kindred: 1:18

But you're so wise For the three minutes that I remember Well the wisdom-ess-ness is strong with you, thank you.

Caitlin Kindred: 1:24

She's back with me today while Jenny is preparing for knee surgery. We are at T-minus a week before this woman gets the help that her knee so desperately needs. But side note, by the way, if you would like to support Jenny and her recovery I know a lot of her friends and family are listening. At least they better be Please reach out to us using the contact us on our website, or you can send me a text through the show notes and I will let you know how you can support Jenny if you'd like to do that Now. Speaking of recovery, oh Lord, okay, I don't know about you guys, but it's March now and my self-care routine has suffered greatly since the start of the year, and I think a lot of that is because the world is ending.

Caitlin Kindred: 2:14

It's basically on fire so yeah, this is fine, everything's fine. The dumpster fire meme with the little dog, okay, but today it's March and we are almost to spring, so we're going to spring back into self-care. What, oh my gosh.

Ariella Monti: 2:32

Yes.

Caitlin Kindred: 2:32

Springing into self-care when spring time starts, okay. So I have two disclaimers here. One I am very well aware that we have talked about this topic before. Okay, very well aware, but it matters, especially if you're a mom, it matters, okay. So I'm going to put that out there. Some of this is going to be reminder information. There is new stuff here and we have way more ways of exploring self-care coming this month. But that's the first one. The second disclaimer I have for you is that I am not a doctor.

Ariella Monti: 3:03

No, shocking.

Caitlin Kindred: 3:04

Right.

Ariella Monti: 3:04

I am not a doctor.

Caitlin Kindred: 3:06

No, neither one of us is a doctor, so we are not mental health professionals. While we do have mental health disorders, we are not professionals. So because of that, I just need to say if you feel burned out or you feel like you're needing or activating your emergency response techniques very often, please seek help from a licensed professional who is not me or Ariella.

Ariella Monti: 3:34

No.

Caitlin Kindred: 3:35

We can talk to you about what pharmaceuticals work best for us Can offer support and solidarity.

Caitlin Kindred: 3:43

Right Support solidarity. I can tell you what side effects come with Lexapro, things like that, but I really can't give you any mental health advice. So my sources for today, I have two or three that I actually really reached out to that I thought were really effective. One of them is called Reach Out Australia. Reach Out Australia is a safe place where young people can openly express themselves, get a deeper understanding and perspective on what's happening in their lives and connect with people for judgment-free support. I have several links to their website and things that I've used on their website in the show notes. Another source I used is Heather Moulter, who's got some good mental health resources. She's a I would say, a life coach in a broad term, and then an article from Child Savers. So all of those are linked in the show notes.

Caitlin Kindred: 4:33

Okay, I'm stretching. Here we go, here we go, here we go. I have personally I love hate relationship with the term self-care. I think it's overused. I think it's often thrown around in the context of toxic positivity. I feel like it was popularized during the pandemic like, oh, baking bread is my self-care. Okay, fine, but a lot of it was directed at women who were burning out at incredibly high rates during the pandemic, and a lot of it was directed at people whose entire livelihood is dependent on serving other people.

Ariella Monti: 5:10

Absolutely.

Caitlin Kindred: 5:11

Think like doctors, nurses, teachers, moms, right. So when you're throwing around the term self-care at people who spend all of their life taking care of other people, it feels a little condescending and toxic, personally, in my opinion, and I was a teacher during the pandemic, so I understand that.

Ariella Monti: 5:33

You can't self-care yourself out of burnout.

Caitlin Kindred: 5:36

Burnout no, you can't, absolutely not.

Ariella Monti: 5:39

The world is on fire.

Caitlin Kindred: 5:41

We can't self-care ourselves out of the world being on fire. Right, self-care is not a fire, exactly.

Ariella Monti: 5:48

But it's like, I don't know what it is, but it's helpful.

Caitlin Kindred: 5:58

Not professionals, okay, so here's why I love self-care. It is literally sanctioned selfishness. Yes, selfishness, yes. Finally, it is okay to say this is all about me and what I need. Here's why I hate it. Again, it's not a fire hose. It does not fix you when you are on the edge of burnout or when you're already there. So blah, all right, but again, sanctioned selfishness. What I came up with that term by myself, by the way.

Ariella Monti: 6:33

I love it. I'm very proud of it. You should trademark it.

Caitlin Kindred: 6:35

I think I'm going to. That will be the way this podcast finally makes money, okay. So what is self-care? Here's my definition. I've given this definition before. I'm going to say it again. My definition of self-care is the things that you do for yourself that help you feel like yourself, and the purpose of self-care. This is my new add-on to this episode. The purpose of self-care is to help you be able to give your best to tasks and others when it counts, like, for example, you have a huge work project, maybe you're writing a book I don't know, or your kiddo is up sick all night, right, yep? Those are the times when you are like, if one more thing gets added to my plate, you're going to lose it. That's what self-care is for is to keep you from losing it, right, okay? For example, I go for a solo walk every weekday morning and I listen to podcasts Usually true crime, first news, then true crime, okay.

Ariella Monti: 7:37

Sorry, I'm laughing at the idea of you listening to a true crime podcast while walking alone through your neighborhood.

Caitlin Kindred: 7:45

Okay, so I have my. I have pepper spray in my hand. You should know like I, I keep it with me and I'm like constantly my head is on a swivel.

Ariella Monti: 7:53

You're like why am I so anxious on this walk?

Caitlin Kindred: 7:57

My first few times doing it. I was legit like really freaked out. And there was one podcast I was listening to oh gosh, I can't remember the name of it. I think I've mentioned it on the show. It's a show about Jack the Ripper and it's a British host. It and it's a British host. It's an amazing show. I'll try and find it and if I figured out I'll put in the show notes. There's like a sound effects in the background. So she's talking about the time when, you know, jack the Ripper comes up on someone and you'll hear footsteps. And I was listening to this in the morning and freaking myself out and I told my husband about it and he was like nope, nope, nope, nope. You can't do that to yourself. So I stopped listening to that one, that one I only listen to in the house.

Ariella Monti: 8:34

it is a weird thing to do, but it makes you like but it makes me calm, it makes you happy, though it fills your cup and it fills my cup. That would not make me happy, that would make me panic, but it makes you happy and that is what?

Caitlin Kindred: 8:50

yes, that's what matters, right, and, to be fair, I am listening to like cnn in the morning and then I listen to true crime, in which case, like it's not as horrifying as what's happening on the scene. Anyway, okay, sorry. So no, it's okay. This is the kind of stuff that makes this show gold. All right. So back to my solo walk. I do it alone for a reason, right? It's not that I don't enjoy walking with other people and catching up and having a conversation. It's that I just feel better after I walk alone because I get to think or not think and enjoy my shows and listen to mandy matney on true sunlight. I just feel better after that.

Caitlin Kindred: 9:28

Another one of my self-care examples is laughing with my friends, which is why this podcast is so important to my self-care. I do consider this self-care, and you might not know what self-care looks like for you, and that's completely okay. If you don't know, that's a sign that you're constantly putting yourself on the back burner. You're always putting other people before yourself. You know motherhood. So just something to think about. I do have a quiz linked in the show notes, that is, what kind of self-care is right for you? You should consider taking that quiz. I've quizzed Jenny on it before. It is a good one. I would find it very helpful if you're someone who needs a place to start. Okay, so let's get into how we know what kind of self-care is right for you.

Ariella Monti: 10:13

I'm ready.

Caitlin Kindred: 10:14

When someone tells me to focus on my self-care now, full disclosure. I have that written out in like the SpongeBob, like focus on me, don't care font because because it feels that way, right. I personally immediately freeze up. It's like when someone says to you what can I do to help? And you literally have no idea, even though there's a thousand projects around that need to be done. Right, you're like I don't know nothing. There's dirty dishes over here, the trash is overflowing, and they're like how can I help you? And you're just like I don't know. I don't know, right. So if you're not sure what you need, ask yourself what activities make me feel good. If sure what you need, ask yourself what activities make me feel good. If you don't know, you're probably already burning out, just saying Okay. Or if you're a parent, what did I do before I had kids that helps me feel good and helps me feel like myself, right? Yep, self-care is not one size fits all. So me listening to true crime in the morning is not going to work for Ariella.

Ariella Monti: 11:11

It's not going to work for me on like a random Tuesday in the afternoon in my house.

Caitlin Kindred: 11:16

Oh, there's something great about listening to my Favorite Murder while you're folding laundry.

Ariella Monti: 11:19

I'm just saying Fair, but as we learned in an episode a few years ago. Captain America Winter Soldier is my comfort movie because it's the personification of my anxiety and that makes me feel good. Yes.

Caitlin Kindred: 11:34

Yes, that episode still does really well. If you haven't listened to that, go, go listen to it. Yeah, I'm going to. Uh, I'll link it in the in the show notes.

Ariella Monti: 11:40

I have to update. We should update that because we can do.

Caitlin Kindred: 11:43

There's a lot of stuff that that needs to change.

Ariella Monti: 11:46

Yeah, yeah.

Caitlin Kindred: 11:46

Yeah, okay, all right. Either way, self-care is not one size fits all right. It's very individualized. It's going to. It depends on who you are and what you did before you had kids, right? So do you know what other kinds of self-care are good for you? Do you have it in your head besides watching Winter Soldier? Which, to be clear, that's self-care for my eyeballs.

Ariella Monti: 12:08

I'm trying to keep it PG here. We're all moms, we get it. I'm trying to keep it PG here, we're all moms, we get it. So one of the big things that I like to do, especially now that the weather is getting a little bit nicer, is just go outside. Not go outside and do anything necessarily. Like sure, hiking and like all that stuff is really awesome, but I will just go outside and sit on my deck or sit on my porch. I refill my thousand bird feeders, I throw peanuts out for the squirrels and the crows and who, by the way, I think think have, like really started recognizing me, because when I go outside I hear them cawing and they start flying to like the.

Caitlin Kindred: 13:00

I love the trees frozen ravens are so cool. They're so smart.

Ariella Monti: 13:04

I love them yes, so that type of stuff I find, or doing that really just being outside and focusing on the nature stuff around me, it really just I hate that I use the term fill my cup as often as I do, but it's really like the. It really is a refilling sort of feeling, you know.

Caitlin Kindred: 13:30

Yeah, I get that sense from you. I bet that if you take that quiz, it'll be like nature focused kinds of things for you. Yeah, definitely, I'm going to get into this in a later episode. But one of the big things I think that is a hurdle for a lot of moms in the self-care realm is that they feel guilty about it. I have, in this series of self-care episodes we're going to be doing throughout this month and probably even into April, because there's so many cool things to talk about here. I have a how do I stop feeling guilty about self-care thing planned, because this is a big one.

Caitlin Kindred: 14:08

You are probably listening to this and going, yeah, okay, I get it, I know I need to focus on self-care. Please stop talking to me about it Because, again, it feels focus on my self-care. It just feels you know awful, but you just can't. I'm going to say something that's going to sound a little bit mean, it's going to sound harsh, but I think you'd probably need to hear it. Think you probably need to hear it. You not focusing on self-care is probably rooted in guilt, which means you probably feel guilty about taking time for yourself, and you need to fix that. And this is where the Heather Mulder source comes into play. But she says and I agree with her on these three things that ditching self-care guilt requires three things One, a good definition of self-care, which I've already given you. Two, knowing how to start prioritizing it. And three, a good support system that you can go to for help, guidance and accountability.

Ariella Monti: 15:04

Yeah, I agree with that. I co-sign that.

Caitlin Kindred: 15:08

Yeah, so we're going to get into this again in a later episode, because this is just too important to say like, oh, stop feeling guilty and then walk away, cause that's you need help to not feel guilty, right.

Ariella Monti: 15:20

I mean, if it was that easy, I wouldn't have. I wouldn't have been going to therapy for as long as you know, I have been like, seriously, you need to get back into therapy.

Caitlin Kindred: 15:31

Have I told you the story about the last time that, not the last time? One of the last times I had a therapy session and my therapist was, like, you need to have a self-care evening where you don't do anything, you guys order food, you put on a movie and you just chill. Do you know what happened that night? We put on home alone and it was the one where he goes to New York. So they're running to the airport and what does my child do? He's got socks on and he's running through my house and he fell and he split his chair open and I spent the evening in the hospital. This is what happens to me.

Caitlin Kindred: 16:00

When someone, when my therapist, says focus on self-care, okay, now here are three things I'm going to sit make you sit with here. One redefine your self-care. Just like I said, my definition from before, my definition of self-care is the things that you do for yourself that make you feel like yourself. Okay, remember its purpose. Its purpose is to help you be able to give your best to tasks when it matters, and then you're going to reprioritize your self-care. It's not an item on a to-do list. You don't go laundry, wash the car, get groceries. Self-care no, it's not a to-do list item. It is a regular part of your daily routine, which I will get to in just a minute.

Caitlin Kindred: 16:42

Finding time, finding the time. We all know that this is. This is why you can't put it on a to-do list, right? Right, because the laundry, the getting the gas, the washing the car and then the picking up the groceries mean you don't have time for the self-care, especially if your life is like mine, where, um, your child will fall and split his chin open and then take the remaining time that you had for the day and and crap on it. So once you know what kind is good for you, and once you've kind of redefined your definition, you need to actually do them, and that requires finding that time, and I know that's easier said than done. So I'm going to drop a little quote here, which I don't necessarily agree with everything that this man says, but I feel like the quote is helpful. This is Stephen Covey, who's the author of Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. He says the key is not to prioritize what's on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.

Ariella Monti: 17:34

Yeah, yeah, I will Right, I will agree with that.

Caitlin Kindred: 17:38

Yeah. So here's what Heather Mulder is saying. This is probably your equation for your life Okay, work plus family, plus chores plus other, which other includes your self-care. And you've got self-care at the bottom of that equation, which means that when the other things get in the way, self-care is the first thing that gets pushed off. But the truth of the matter is you have to put self-care first before the equation. Right, you can't even include it in the equation. It has to be the thing you do first, right, prioritized above everything else, even your to-do list.

Ariella Monti: 18:14

It's the air mask that drops from the plane ceiling Right. Like we have to help ourselves before we can help everyone else.

Caitlin Kindred: 18:24

Yes, and why is that? Why do you need yourself your mask first? You need your mask first because then you can think clearly enough to help the people around you. Right, put your own mask on, and then you can help your child, because you'll be able to like take a breath and step back and go. Okay, now this is what needs to happen next. The purpose is to help you be able to give your best to the tasks and people who need it the most. So, when you think about it this is me playing fast and loose here, but I think Heather Mulder would agree Neglecting your self-care is actually being selfish.

Caitlin Kindred: 19:01

Oh yeah, because you can't give the best of yourself when you haven't taken care of yourself, right, yeah, it shouldn't always be about finding the time for self-care. It should be about making the time for self-care. If you're always trying to find the time, you'll never find it, because there's literally always something else that needs to be done, right? So instead, add it to your calendar, make it a priority, make it a part of your daily routine. We know that's how it works best. It's like when you're forming habits. You chunk these tasks together with things that you've already are doing Every day. If you need to floss, you also brush your teeth. You're already, hopefully, brushing your teeth every day, so then add the floss pick in right before that and start doing that, and that's how you build habits. So you need to make self-care into a habit. We know that it works best when it's done as a routine, as a habit, because you're going to say this with me now self-care is not an indulgence.

Caitlin Kindred: 20:02

Repeat it to yourself. I'm going to pause. Good girl, you said it. It is a part of my everyday routine. Self-care is not an indulgence. It is a part of my everyday routine. It is a part of my everyday life.

Caitlin Kindred: 20:16

My walking example. That's something I do almost every weekday morning. Rain or shine, yes, I do go out. If it's raining, I will put up my umbrella, my arm will get tired, I'll switch arms, but I will go out if it's raining because it still feels good to go out. I get up, I brush my teeth, I take my medications the many medications that I take I go pee and I go for a walk. It's just what I do. I wake up early in the morning to do that, and that part sucks, because I love sleep. Do I want more sleep? Yeah, of course I do. Do I hate how I feel if I sleep in and skip my walk? Yeah, I really do, right? Yeah, it's just how it is. That's how I know it's part of my self-care, because I hate how I feel when I don't do it.

Caitlin Kindred: 21:05

So if you're not sure what feels good to you or what your self-care is, think about the parts of your daily routine that you hate to skip. You can start thinking of those as your tiny moments of self-care. Just reframe the mindset around those things. If you know you hate waking up to a dirty kitchen, then consider your nighttime routine of putting the kitchen back together as part of your self-care. Just reframe it. Yes, it's a chore, I get it. Okay. But also you feel better in the morning when you wake up and the kitchen doesn't look like a bomb went off, okay. So just reframe it like that and then you can start to add in one or two quote unquote indulgent things to make you feel more comfortable, prioritizing yourself. Maybe, instead of just grumbling while you clean the kitchen, you put on your favorite playlist and you listen to some of the songs that make you feel good from high school. Little Nelly hot in here feels good to everybody, right.

Ariella Monti: 22:06

Exactly.

Caitlin Kindred: 22:07

Put on your favorite playlist and then clean the kitchen. Now, all of a sudden, not only do you feel good listening to some of your favorite songs, but in the morning you know you're going to feel better about how the kitchen is. You'll start to feel more comfortable prioritizing yourself If you kind of reframe some of the things that you know make you feel better as self-care. Okay, how else can you find time for self-care aside from just like? This is my chore and now I feel better doing it, cause that's kind of lame too, right? Also, I have to say this before I move on have you noticed that I did not at any time say going to a spa is self-care?

Ariella Monti: 22:43

Oh yeah, of course, because it's not for everyone, it's not for both people, honestly.

Caitlin Kindred: 22:51

It's expensive. If you have a lifestyle yeah, exactly, if you have a lifestyle where it's a habit for you. Right, let's be friends, let's hang out more. Those are like treats, right, those are the indulgences, right.

Ariella Monti: 23:07

Great.

Caitlin Kindred: 23:08

Yes, they make you feel good, but it's not a habitual thing. And again, who has time to do that and money to do that all the time? So there you go. Okay, anyway, finding time for self-care, find dead time. Dead time is when you have five to 10 minutes here and there, or sometimes it's more than that. For example, you have two appointments that are quote back to back, but you end up with an hour in between. That's dead time, cause you're like I don't want to go home, cause then I'm going to have to go home and then 10 minutes later I'm going to come right back around, like that's the kind of stuff I'm talking about.

Caitlin Kindred: 23:40

So I have a friend who intentionally leaves for school pickup more than 30 minutes every day she does. She does it for two reasons. One, she gets the parking spot Right, cause we all know the car line is everyone's nightmare. Two, she uses that time in the car line while she's sitting and waiting at the parking spot to make phone calls, set appointments and scroll social media Like what that's genius, it's so smart.

Caitlin Kindred: 24:11

She's like that's when I make all my appointments, like I just call and make appointments, or I get the kids set up for this, or I pay bills online, like that's what she's doing with that time. But she I mentioned to her like hey, the school bus picks up my child and drops him off, like across the street. So like, if you just don't want to do that, like tell me and I'll make sure my son will sit with your son and make him feel good about being on the bus. And she was like, oh, like I love the idea of having more time, but like that's my time. And I knew exactly what she meant by like that's my time. I was like, okay, I'm not going to push the issue because for her it feels good to leave at that time of day and use that time to do the things that make her feel better. And it's dead time.

Ariella Monti: 24:58

I like to pair things because, as you know, people with ADHD we have a hard time forming habits, but we're better with routine. So I like to pair stuff with things that are already established in my routine. So I have an established routine that I spend some time outside every day when the weather is nice, and what I started doing is pairing that with this practice called morning pages. So it's basically an opportunity to write. You don't have to do it in the morning. So what I started doing is taking my notebook outside and doing these morning pages when I'm outside. So when I'm outside, then I do my morning pages and I'll set a timer for like 20 minutes. I have my notebook in my hand, I write kind of whatever random crap comes to my head, but that is 20 minutes, that I am not doom scrolling and it's a self care activity that is being tacked on to something that I'm already doing and just makes that thing that I'm doing more enjoyable, as opposed to something like doom scrolling threads, which does not make me feel better.

Caitlin Kindred: 26:23

Right. So, while scrolling threads during your outside time does not make you feel better, doing your morning pages during your outside time does make you feel better, and it's you forming a self-care habit by adding on an activity to something you're already doing, something you're already doing. Getting back to the concept of dead time, if you have dead time and you intend to use it for a self-care thing, just remember that you might need more time than you think you have. Like, I'm terrible with object permanence and time. Yes, so for me, I'll say, oh, this will only take me 30 minutes, and it ends up taking 45 or 50. And I just am terrible at that. So just keep that in mind, okay.

Caitlin Kindred: 27:12

Another way to help yourself find time for self-care is to delegate and outsource tasks when you can. Now, I said when you can for a reason If you can afford this, outsource tasks that someone else can do, meaning someone else can do them and you don't have to teach them how to do it. Okay, if you like your clothes folded a certain way, you can't delegate that task to someone else and expect them to do it, because then you're just going to go back and refold the clothes the way that you want, all right, so it has to be a task that you feel completely comfortable giving to someone else. Consider swapping chores with someone else in the house to get your needs met. This will be especially easier for you as your kids get older. I would. I'm just going to put this side note out here. You should make self-care a family affair. If you have kids in the home, you need to teach them about the importance of self-care early, and you need to start doing that by modeling. We talk about modeling on this show all the time, and you will need to be explicit and say this is mommy's 20 minutes to go outside and do my morning pages. This is what makes mommy a nicer person later in the day. You need to let mommy do this and it is okay to say that, and as they get older, they'll understand exactly what you mean and they'll be more willing to provide support. When that person says I need to do this for myself, I need to take 30 minutes for myself, but in the meantime, you need to be explicit and communicative about your needs, and it's really hard to do that, especially for moms.

Caitlin Kindred: 28:54

Actually, I'm going to applaud Jenny here at the moment. She just said to me the other day. This is hard for me, but I'm about to ask for help. Good job, jenny. I know right, like what an amazing thing to say. This is hard for me, but I'm going to ask for help, and she did ask for help and I provided her with what I could Be. Like her, be willing to say this is hard for me, but I need help. Can you please take on XYZ tasks so that I can have 30 minutes to myself Now?

Caitlin Kindred: 29:25

I am really hopeful that you have a partner who sees and understands what that 30 minutes, or however long you need, will actually do for you, and when your kids are old enough, you can tag them in too. I need to think about how to provide advice for someone who has a partner who is not willing to offer that help, because you are the ones who need this the most. You are the ones who are on the edge of burnout the most, and I understand that. I'm really hopeful that there is at least someone in your life who you can lean on for this, because otherwise this particular way of finding self-care is not going to work for you, because you don't have someone in your life who you can delegate and outsource tasks to. If you're in Austin, let me know, I'll try and come by and help.

Caitlin Kindred: 30:09

The other thing I was going to say is in terms of finding time again, you probably have that equation of like work plus family, plus whatever, plus other self-care in your head and I think you might need to reassess the urgency of your to-dos. Okay, if you can't swap, you can't outsource, you can't delegate. You need to think about what actually has to be done right now. What can wait until tomorrow, what can wait until next week. Take care of the right now things, because that will make you feel better. You won't feel so anxious. Push off the rest in favor of yourself. Make a plan to come back to those other tasks later on, or maybe you, you know, later in the week, those become your right now things. Maybe the trip to the store can wait until tomorrow. Maybe it can't all right, but those baseboards can wait I've been waiting for like 15 might have been waiting since I moved into this I'm gonna be

Caitlin Kindred: 31:06

real clear, but rethinking the the urgency of some of your tasks might make you feel a little less pressure. So just to wrap this up in as messy a bow as I possibly can Self-care is not about indulging yourself. Self-care is about self-respect, meaning you need to give yourself the respect you deserve by treating yourself with the same level of respect that you treat the other more important people in your life and, by the way, they're not more important than you, they're just not. You are more than likely a very dedicated and devoted mother, but your kids need the best version of yourself, yep, so you need to promise yourself that you're not going to use your regular self-care things as an emergency response when you're losing it. Okay, cleaning the kitchen with your music on does not help you when you've already completely gone off the deep end.

Ariella Monti: 32:13

That's what it's yeah, a fire extinguisher is not going to help when your entire house is on fire, but the fire extinguisher will help when it's just a small little fire on your stove yeah, oh that was a good one right, that's a good way to think of it.

Caitlin Kindred: 32:31

Okay, so again, I'm not a doctor. I think my rambling in this episode proves that If you are on the edge of complete burnout, I would highly recommend going to Psychology Today. It's a great website to find a local resource for yourself. It tells you what kind of insurance these psychiatrists and therapists are taking if they're accepting new clients, what their specialties are. Please go seek help if you are really losing it. That might be a good place to start. Okay, we'll be right back after this break For links to resources mentioned in this episode. Head on over to ckandgkpodcastcom slash blog to find everything you need, and be sure to follow us on social media. Head over to your favorite social media network and find us at CK and GK podcast. And now back to the show. Okay, I'm wiping my nose because it's austin and it's allergy season is starting, yay, okay, we're back, though. Speaking of self-care, I have an obsession oh yeah, I want to hear about it, of course.

Caitlin Kindred: 33:37

Okay, for valentine's day, my husband got me a, an eye mask. Now, this is not just like a, it's not like one of those things which, by the way, those like gold foils that I I totally had those collagen eye bag things on before we got on this morning. But, um, this is a. It wraps around your head, it's like a whole big thing and it's like electronic and it has pressure and heat and vibration and music. This thing is wild.

Ariella Monti: 34:09

I I'm almost positive that my husband has something similar, because he loves like that kind of stuff, and I'm, oh my god, almost positive he's got something like that your husband gives me.

Caitlin Kindred: 34:26

Did you ever see as good as it gets that movie with um greg kameer and uh helen hunt and jack nicholson?

Ariella Monti: 34:34

I'm sure I did, but it's been a long, long, long, long time there's a scene where jack nicholson takes like this epic shower.

Caitlin Kindred: 34:40

It takes him like two hours and he comes out and then the as he comes out, he's backlit, so he's this just dark shadow and all the steam comes out behind. That's the vibe that I am getting from your husband. I can totally see him being into this mask, but it's. It's amazing Like it. I put it on and it's like close your eyes and enjoy and it starts like heating up and pumping air into itself and like giving me pressurized massage around on my temples and on my cheekbone. It's amazing. I love this thing. That sounds pretty amazing. Yeah, yeah, if I can't sleep, I'll put this thing on and I'm out Like right after. So it's like, okay, you're done, leave it on for a minute and then you just it kind of cools off and then you take it off and I'm out like a light.

Ariella Monti: 35:39

It, and then you just it kind of cools off, and then you take it off and I'm out like a light. It's amazing, it's good, that sounds cool. Yeah, I am having one of those adhd brain fart moments where I cannot think of anything that I'm even remotely obsessed with, though I know it exists.

Caitlin Kindred: 35:47

That's okay. You don't have to have an obsession. I can tell you my gem, if you want I'd love to hear your gem uh, sam was using my self care eye mask. Oh no, because I was like I was so excited about it. I went out after I had been using it in our bedroom and I went out to bryce and I was like you need to try this, like overly excited, like yeah, and he does.

Caitlin Kindred: 36:11

And of course Sam is like I, I need to try it too, like I have to. So then my husband snaps a picture and he sends it to our like family chat and my sweet mother-in-law goes that's cool, is that VR? Because that's the look.

Ariella Monti: 36:30

It totally looks like you're wearing one of those Quest VR headsets.

Caitlin Kindred: 36:35

It's exactly what it looks like and it's hilarious. And it just made me laugh because I was like she's right, that is why I look like I'm doing VR. Except I'm my VR is that I'm lying on my bed Doing nothing. But yeah, he looked really funny and it's like so it's heavy, right. So he's like trying to hold his head up.

Ariella Monti: 36:56

He looked like a bobblehead, that's adorable. I did think of my obsession.

Caitlin Kindred: 37:06

Yes, let's hear it.

Ariella Monti: 37:07

The freaking weather that we're having right now in North Carolina Now, at the time of our recording a week ago, there was literal ice and snow on the ground.

Caitlin Kindred: 37:22

We all got that right, I think so. It was freezing everywhere.

Ariella Monti: 37:26

Yeah, it was like the whole. It was the week that President's Day happened. On Monday my kid went to school for one day and then they had three days off because of ice and snow and everything. But this week has been delightful and like I've got the windows open. Delightful, and like I've got the windows open, it's that time of the year in north carolina, where it's before the pollining takes place, so you can open up your windows without having the pine pollen all over stuff I'm I'm excited for good weather too.

Caitlin Kindred: 38:03

We have some of that right now. I'm glad that that's your and it's good for you because you get to go outside in that and, like, enjoy it. I think that's what we have for today.

Ariella Monti: 38:13

I didn't give my gem. I want to give the gem.

Caitlin Kindred: 38:15

Oh, I tell me your gem.

Ariella Monti: 38:16

My gem is that my book is out today.

Caitlin Kindred: 38:20

I okay, If you've missed it, I have a section of the show notes for the past two weeks that are all about author Ariella Monti. Now I'm going to do the same thing for this one. I'll put her links in the show notes. You can also go to our blog post for the episode and get all of her stuff there, but her book is out officially like officially out, like four years of of working on this book and it's finally, finally out in the world the cover. But you guys, the cover is so beautiful I.

Ariella Monti: 38:53

That's an obsession that I should. It is so beautiful I am obsessed with it. Amanda hawkins of eternal geekery did that cover and I sent her, you know, some thoughts and inspiration and stuff and it was like she came into my head and pulled out like exactly what I was looking for it is absolutely gorgeous it is like more than I ever it's dark and beautiful and like mysterious looking.

Caitlin Kindred: 39:31

It's got the plant vibe that you are, that you give off like it is. Oh, it's in the color choices. It's a beautiful cover. If you haven't seen it, go look at the the blog post for this episode. You'll see a picture of the cover. I'm super excited for you. This is so great. This is absolutely a gem. Congratulations, I'm thrilled for you. So your self-care you have to promise is that you are going to revel in your accomplishment. You're going to be proud of yourself because, regardless of how well the book will do which, by the way, I have complete faith that it will do well, but you accomplished something. You worked really hard on it. It turned out beautifully, like. You need to enjoy that. That's what you have to do. That's your homework.

Ariella Monti: 40:16

I will I promise.

Caitlin Kindred: 40:17

Okay, jenny would tell you to make good choices. I'm just going to tell you to take care of yourself. Bye, bye.