00:00:00 - Jenny GK
It's Tuesday! And it was Tuesday last week. We just didn't come. But it still happened.

00:00:06 - Caitlin Kindred
Sometimes, guys, y'all know this better than anybody, but life just gets in the way. And it wasn't going to happen. It just wasn't going to happen.

00:00:14 - Jenny GK
So the reason we did not record, if you are a woman married to a man, you can empathize. My husband had a business trip and he was not out of town the day we were supposed to record. No, he was unpacked, or not yet packed, we should say.

00:00:33 - Caitlin Kindred
Right?

00:00:34 - Jenny GK
So I spent the whole day ironing.

00:00:39 - Caitlin Kindred
Wife than me because I'm not packing my husband. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it.

00:00:45 - Jenny GK
And then I responded, well, he makes x times my salary and only dresses for work once a quarter.

00:00:51 - Caitlin Kindred
The least I could do is iron his shirt for this three month cycle. And that was true and fair because.

00:00:59 - Jenny GK
He works from home the rest of the time when he's not traveling. So it's a t shirt and basketball shorts every other day. So I was like, yeah, I'll iron your slacks. A week's worth of slacks. Yes. Welcome back. That's not important to the show at all.

00:01:15 - Caitlin Kindred
Nope. This is the podcast for adults who need a grown up. Last week, it was Jenny's husband who.

00:01:22 - Jenny GK
Needed a grown up.

00:01:24 - Caitlin Kindred
We're talking about, well, this week we're just offering you guys unsolicited parenting advice because everybody needs that, right? And this is how you can help your child or children become a better or just better problem solver. Trying to pluralize for families who have multiple children. There you go.

00:01:47 - Jenny GK
But before we do that, yeah. Let me introduce my co host, Caitlin. She's so irish, she celebrates St. Patrick's Day all month long.

00:01:56 - Caitlin Kindred
I really do. I almost did green nails this time because I love it. And I was like, if I do green nails, though, then I'm like, being really festive and I don't really need to be. I'm not going to be that chick, right?

00:02:11 - Jenny GK
I mean, that is funny, though. I could, like, get little shamrocks on them.

00:02:14 - Caitlin Kindred
Oh, my gosh. I saw super.

00:02:15 - Jenny GK
Or pots of gold. Like a rainbow. Like a rainbow.

00:02:20 - Caitlin Kindred
Every finger gets a different color. The last one gets white. And then a little pot of gold on the thumb. Yes, right? Or a pinky. It should be on the pinky if it's going to go all the way across. But I did see a very cute set that were like, nude nails, very clean, and they had little green shamrocks on every nail. And I thought that was precious. Okay, it's cute, but I'm not doing it because as soon as over, it's dated, and I can't do that. Right.

00:02:45 - Jenny GK
I have little hearts on my piggies. Yeah, and because I only get a pedicure so often, they are staying on even through the shamrock season.

00:02:59 - Caitlin Kindred
Well, it is what it is. I mean, listen, we can't all be getting mannies and petties all the time. Speaking of things in the sky, like rainbows. This is a really bad segue. That's Jenny, my elusive runaway hot air balloon. Oh, my gosh.

00:03:16 - Jenny GK
Like wizard of Oz.

00:03:18 - Caitlin Kindred
Yeah, exactly. It was a weird one, but I liked it.

00:03:22 - Jenny GK
No, it's good.

00:03:23 - Caitlin Kindred
Yeah. Okay, so now let's dig in. Yeah. Now that we've got the ridiculousness of our lives figured out here ish. No.

00:03:32 - Jenny GK
Oh, figured out.

00:03:33 - Caitlin Kindred
No. Just out there in the street. We are talking about some ways to help your child become a better problem solver. The reference for today is an article called simple Ways to help your child become a better problem solver.

00:03:50 - Jenny GK
Thanks.

00:03:50 - Caitlin Kindred
Yeah, thank you for that. It was on PBS kids. I'll link to it in the show notes. They're referencing a counselor named Claire Lerner, and she's got some great tips here.

00:04:03 - Jenny GK
Got telling Caitlin right before we started that we are actually studying this. At my job. I do educational research in addition to teaching kids and teaching teachers.

00:04:12 - Caitlin Kindred
Right.

00:04:13 - Jenny GK
And one of the things we're studying is creativity through the lens of problem solving. Like, can you measure creativity with how a child solves a problem?

00:04:22 - Caitlin Kindred
Yes, I'm answering the question. Yes, you can. Yes.

00:04:27 - Jenny GK
Now, to what degree? That's really what we're looking at. But still, it's cool, right?

00:04:31 - Caitlin Kindred
Okay, so I've got about five ish things that I'm going to mention here, and we're going to start real simple. Okay? Number one, we're going to acknowledge that problems are a part of life. This is not the favorite line of the boomer generation. And I'm going to call my mom out here, she'll be like, I know, life's not fair or right. I know, man, this sucks. You're right. It does suck. Not in that tone. You can say that if you want, but there's something about that tone that was like, gee, thanks. Right? But saying something like just acknowledging the fact that in a neutral tone, yes, problems exist, and you do so in a neutral tone. And we think of them as negative all the time that we need to avoid them. Or there's something that's scary, but we need to not step in we need to not prevent our children from feeling negative feelings that are around problems because problems are an expected part of everyday life. And as we've already gone over a couple of times in this episode, no adult is a stranger to problems, right? So maybe the problem is it's raining and you can't go to the playground, so you have to find an indoor activity that's a problem for everyone. You're out of peanut butter, so you have to find something else to eat for lunch. Depending on your child, that could be a serious problem for everybody as well, right? You're broke, so you have to pay for your own podcast. These are problems.

00:06:11 - Jenny GK
I'm so glad I did not read the notes. That is an authentic laugh. That is great.

00:06:19 - Caitlin Kindred
These are problems that are all solvable if you'd like to be our sponsor. So thinking about every day, the best.

00:06:26 - Jenny GK
Thing that's happened to me today, that's so good.

00:06:29 - Caitlin Kindred
Thinking about everyday obstacles in the mindset of all of these problems are solvable. Yes, it's raining, but we can go to the playground when it stops raining and the whole playground isn't wet. And for now, let's find something really fun to do inside that we haven't done in a while. Right. So if you do that, you are setting up your child to approach challenging moments with a growth mindset, which is something that is all the rage in schools right now. I promise.

00:06:56 - Jenny GK
Thanks, Carol Dweck.

00:06:57 - Caitlin Kindred
Yep. I promise that your child's school is discussing growth mindset with your kids every day. So you are supporting that conversation. When you mention and talk about problems, like know that they're all solvable, we just have to figure out what that solution is. So the message that you want your child to receive is not. Yeah, I know, it sucks. It's more like challenges happen, problems occur. Right. But I am confident that you can deal with them as they arise. That's the growth mindset piece, right? Yeah. And then you're also setting them up so that the more times they encounter a situation in which there is a problem, the more confident they'll be that they can solve it and less overwhelmed they'll be by the problem in the first place. Right. So that's a good thing.

00:07:49 - Jenny GK
Yes.

00:07:50 - Caitlin Kindred
The second thing, after you acknowledge that problems are a part of life, is validate your child's emotions. I think we've probably said this line on every single episode of anytime we talk about that, we talk about feelings, our feelings, kids feelings, anything. Validate their emotions. You help them calm down when you validate their emotions. So that's the first thing, right? Get them out of that lizard brain where they're completely panicking and screaming at everything. When you do that, they're calming down, they're seen, they're heard. And FYI, this works on the cranky adults in your life, too. So validating emotions works with everyone. And there's a difference. Right.

00:08:31 - Jenny GK
You are validating the feelings.

00:08:33 - Caitlin Kindred
Right. Not the behavior that comes.

00:08:35 - Jenny GK
This is not the behavior.

00:08:37 - Caitlin Kindred
Right. Right.

00:08:37 - Jenny GK
You can say, oh, my goodness, I bet you're really upset about this now. That's not the way that we show that we're upset. It's not okay for you to throw something. You're not justifying the behavior. And you can say that this is not how I want you to show me that you're angry.

00:08:52 - Caitlin Kindred
Right. The way that you're going to validate those emotions is you're going to say something like, you are working so hard on this picture and it's really frustrating that the drawing doesn't look the way you want it to, which is a common thing in my house, or it stinks that your block tower fell down. I would feel so XYZ, too. Right. I would feel so frustrated. I would feel so upset. I would feel so angry if my tower fell down instead of the screaming or in our house, the whining that comes with that frustration, you're going to encourage them to find some sort of physical release. This is where some of the shows on PBS, which is where I got the article from, are really helpful because they do say things like, when you're upset, you wiggle, right. Or Daniel Tiger coming up with a song. These are things that are helpful for kids to do. So maybe they need to flop around, right?

00:09:42 - Jenny GK
Maybe they squeeze nice and slow, take a deep breath and let it go.

00:09:51 - Caitlin Kindred
Love it. See, maybe they need to wiggle. Maybe you have a pillow that they're allowed to go punch. I don't know how you do that.

00:09:58 - Jenny GK
Room in my brain that's stored there.

00:10:02 - Caitlin Kindred
Yeah, you've saved it. Mine is all like, lyrics and rap lyrics.

00:10:07 - Jenny GK
Yeah. There's things that I don't remember because I know Daniel Tiger's frustrated song.

00:10:12 - Caitlin Kindred
Right.

00:10:12 - Jenny GK
When you're feeling frustrated, take a step back and ask for help.

00:10:17 - Caitlin Kindred
We're going to get to that ask for help part in just a second because I like that one.

00:10:20 - Jenny GK
Okay.

00:10:22 - Caitlin Kindred
The next thing you're going to do is remind your child how they already have calmed themselves down in another challenge and persevered through another challenge.

00:10:32 - Jenny GK
I know you can because I've seen you do it.

00:10:35 - Caitlin Kindred
We talked about this when we were talking to Kimball Lewis from empowered parents about how it's authentic. When you say something like, I've seen you do this before, you calmed yourself down when you felt upset about the last block tower that fell down, and then you solved it with a different solution. I know you can do this. You're not just inflating the emotions or inflating the self esteem. You're just saying, I've seen you. There's evidence to prove that you have done this. They already have problem solving skills. They just don't realize that they have them. They're just not aware of those skills. So you're going to remind your child about a time when they rebuilt a tower of blocks that fell down or when they worked really hard to figure out how to balance on a scooter, or when they learned to love school after that first really rocky month, or a certain type of math problem makes them crazy. Right? You're going to remind them about a time when they persevere through the challenge, and then you're going to have a kid who says, it's not the same thing, but that's not what you're going for. So I would say if you can try to find a similar one, that's a good idea, but also just saying, right. It's not the same.

00:11:45 - Jenny GK
Of course it's not.

00:11:45 - Caitlin Kindred
If it was the same, it would be presenting you a wouldn't be a problem. Exactly. It's something that I know you can do because this was a problem for you at that time, and you solved it and you were able to calm yourself down enough to think about a solution. Right.

00:11:58 - Jenny GK
When Abby was like four or five, I'm not sure exactly, but young, like.

00:12:04 - Caitlin Kindred
Kindergarten or younger, we went to Hawai.

00:12:09 - Jenny GK
And we knew that at some point during the trip, we were going to be swimming with dolphins in the open ocean.

00:12:15 - Caitlin Kindred
Ooh, very cool.

00:12:17 - Jenny GK
The open ocean.

00:12:18 - Caitlin Kindred
The open ocean. That was scary for Sam, the first time he saw open ocean.

00:12:21 - Jenny GK
Yeah, open ocean. And Abby had to know how to snorkel in order to enjoy this.

00:12:26 - Caitlin Kindred
Right?

00:12:27 - Jenny GK
So we went to Hana Uma Bay to practice snorkeling. And she struggled. It was hard.

00:12:35 - Caitlin Kindred
Tears. Oh, yeah.

00:12:37 - Jenny GK
She couldn't figure it out. But when she finally did, dude, she had this moment, right? Like, she was so excited, so happy that she had figured it out. We must have banked on that for like 20, maybe 30 months.

00:12:50 - Caitlin Kindred
Oh, yeah.

00:12:51 - Jenny GK
Remember when you learned to snorkel? Didn't it feel so good when you learned to do something hard.

00:12:56 - Caitlin Kindred
Right. Weren't you so proud of yourself?

00:12:57 - Jenny GK
It wore it off. Yeah. But for a long time we were like, remember snorkeling?

00:13:01 - Caitlin Kindred
Yeah.

00:13:01 - Jenny GK
And you got to swim with dolphins in the open ocean.

00:13:04 - Caitlin Kindred
Yes. You have to do that. You have to point out that there's progress that they've already made. You have to point out that they can solve or deal with problems and maybe even demonstrate to them that they can apply those skills to other situations. Right. Snorkeling, it's not going to relate to math most of the time. Right. But if there is a way to make that connection, you should do that for your child because then they know. Okay. Yes. I have solved a problem before. I have persevered. I can do this. Okay. And similarly, this is not from the PBS article, so I'm going to give a shout out to this other parent in just a moment. But she talks about spotlight the right. And I loved this statement. This is a family therapist who uses this tip to diffuse frustrated toddlers. I assure you it will work on every other person in your life. This was in a motherly article by Katrina Natras. But the family therapist's name is Dina Margolin and her Instagram account is linked in the show notes. And I believe it's named big little feelings.

00:14:13 - Jenny GK
Oh, I love.

00:14:15 - Caitlin Kindred
And our, she says, this is her quote, if you catch them in situations where they've had to try something 2345 times to achieve their goal, I want you to spotlight that, to shout it out with them and celebrate. Say, hey, you had to try that four different times before you got it and you did not give up. Way to go. Like, holy process over progress. Yes. Amazing.

00:14:41 - Jenny GK
Making the process really important.

00:14:46 - Caitlin Kindred
What we're doing is building this strong inner narrative that can stick with them about how sometimes you're going to have to try multiple times before you get it and you didn't give up, which not only makes them feel proud, but becomes the key strategy. That's then top of mind for next time they're in a tough or tricky situation. I love that.

00:15:06 - Jenny GK
Talk to your child becomes their inner voice. Yes.

00:15:12 - Caitlin Kindred
She also says that it might help to reframe the story in your mind to help you focus on what your child is already doing. Right. So not that you're telling them like, I've seen you do this, I've seen you do this. But it also goes, wait, I don't have to intervene because I've seen them do this. And it just changes the parent's mindset as well. Right. Because what's your superpower as a parent, your calmness. Right. Staying calm is my superpower. No, I'm not pointing to you. I'm talking to our audience. Right. The superpower in a frustrating moment for your child is the ability to stay calm. If you can do that by thinking about, I might need, like some kind.

00:15:54 - Jenny GK
Of magic crystal or like I believe they have via radioactive spider or.

00:16:02 - Caitlin Kindred
Rogers, can he bite you? No.

00:16:04 - Jenny GK
Yeah, that's what I need. Mr. Rogers or Rogers bite.

00:16:08 - Caitlin Kindred
That sounds so wrong. I apologize to the Fred Rogers foundation family and all of PBS. Okay.

00:16:14 - Jenny GK
I wrote a paper on him in college.

00:16:16 - Caitlin Kindred
I know you did. I love. Okay, okay.

00:16:18 - Jenny GK
Sorry. So continue on.

00:16:20 - Caitlin Kindred
This is another part of that same motherly article. And again, Dina Margolin says this answer. So the question was, what about toddlers, aka seven year olds and above, who immediately say, I 40 year olds, no big deal, right. About things they've already mastered and they can do on the first try, once you plead with them for 5 minutes. So let me rephrase. Let me resate that question. What about toddlers who immediately say, I can't about things they've already mastered and can do on the first try, once you plead with them to do it, 5 minutes. Right. So this is like, I don't know how, but it's like, no, you do know how. I've watched you do it and you can do it on the first try. This is garbage. Don't do that. And Dina says that can happen. And you're not alone here. It can be super helpful to model this yourself and show them what it looks like to feel frustrated. Keep trying and handle this feeling in a healthy way. You can also incorporate doing this during play and role play with dolls or toys. Now, obviously, for your ten year old, role play with dolls and toys might not work, but just modeling that, like, I know, I feel like I can't right now, but I'm going to have a woo star moment and I'm just going to calm myself down and I'm going to spotlight the right, and I'm going to just show you what it looks like to handle my frustration in a healthy manner. Because even though you want to scream and throw things probably at your kid in that moment, you're going to stay calm because that's your superpower and you're just going to model it because ultimately it will sink in. Might not be right now, but it will sink in. Okay. Okay. So so far, our ways to help your kid become a better problem solver are one. Acknowledge that problems are part of life. Two, validate the emotions. Three, remind them how they've calmed themselves down and persevered through another challenge in the past. Spotlight the right is. Four. The last thing you're going to do is help your child think through creative solutions. Don't worry, dear caregiver. There will be times when your child does need help to find a solution. But don't immediately jump in with your solution.

00:18:34 - Jenny GK
Caitlin. No. You got to do that Jedi magic where you make them think it's their idea.

00:18:41 - Caitlin Kindred
Yeah, but you're better at the Jedi magic than I am. I'm just like, oh, my God, let me do it, and I lose my mind. But what I need to get better at is start by asking my child for his ideas. So what we're going to do is we're going to not immediately jump in with a solution, and we're going to ask the child, the small person who has finally calmed down a no longer in lizard brain, for their ideas. This will not work if they are not calm. So don't bother with this right away. Okay.

00:19:11 - Jenny GK
And if you haven't read whole brain child yet, go ahead and put that on your to be read list, because it talks about getting out of the lizard brain.

00:19:19 - Caitlin Kindred
Lizard brain.

00:19:20 - Jenny GK
They call it your downstairs and your upstairs.

00:19:22 - Caitlin Kindred
Yes.

00:19:22 - Jenny GK
And it's about relating to your kid once they get upstairs.

00:19:25 - Caitlin Kindred
Yeah, exactly. Okay. So ask your child for their ideas, and then before offering your input, ask your child if they would like to hear your ideas for solving the problem. Let me say that again. Ask your child if they would like to hear your ideas, because they might not want your ideas for solving the problem. When you ask for permission, you are demonstrating respect for their boundaries and their problem solving skills. And who knows? Maybe they'll actually listen to your suggestions. Or, dude, this is so important. If your kid's age is two digits, right?

00:20:09 - Jenny GK
I have an idea. Do you want to hear it? Otherwise, whatever you say is what they're not going to do.

00:20:15 - Caitlin Kindred
Exactly. Because if they want to hear it, they might actually do it. But if they don't want to hear it, then you're going to get frustrated because they're not following your advice, so just don't.

00:20:25 - Jenny GK
And now you are giving them the keys to the kingdom, and they are flushing them down the toilet because, mom.

00:20:31 - Caitlin Kindred
Very plucky go down the hole, right? Everyone just had a moment in their brain, right? Plucky go down the hole. Every millennial did that. But the other thing is, maybe your idea isn't the best one. Maybe they have a different solution.

00:20:46 - Jenny GK
That's true.

00:20:49 - Caitlin Kindred
Kids are smart. Yeah. I always tell my math students, I'm going to give you three different ways to solve this problem because the state made me. But I'm going to let you choose the one that you want, because if it solves the problem and you get the right answer, I don't see an issue with it. As long as the math is sound. Sure.

00:21:07 - Jenny GK
Why not reason through it in a way that makes sense in your brain.

00:21:10 - Caitlin Kindred
Exactly. And use the one that helps you, that makes you understand it the best. I don't care. It's not how you solve the problem.

00:21:17 - Jenny GK
It's that creativity makes a strong math.

00:21:20 - Caitlin Kindred
What?

00:21:21 - Jenny GK
No.

00:21:21 - Caitlin Kindred
Or just a resilient human anyway. Right? Right. Okay. So I also need to stress this because I saw, and I can't give credit to the person I saw this from. I thought it was like a scary mommy Instagram post or a motherly Instagram post, but I searched high and low for this particular post for about an hour and a half and I could not find it. So I am giving credit to this person.

00:21:48 - Jenny GK
That's too long.

00:21:48 - Caitlin Kindred
Who they are.

00:21:50 - Jenny GK
That was nice of you, but I.

00:21:52 - Caitlin Kindred
Work in social media. I'm allowed to do that, and I didn't do it all at once. Okay. Yeah. Okay. This is something that every parent needs to hear. I need help is not an ask. It is a demand coming from a place of frustration. I need help is not an ask. It is a demand. When your child needs help, you need to not jump up and answer it. I believe that the mother was talking about how, like, I need juice is not an ask for juice. Right, right. But still, parents are getting up and getting the juice. Right. I need a snack. No, you don't. You can ask for a snack, and I'm happy to support you as you get that snack. Right. But I need is not a request, so don't answer it. So when they say, I need help, don't answer that.

00:22:55 - Jenny GK
We used to sing this song, help, what help you need.

00:22:58 - Caitlin Kindred
Help.

00:22:59 - Jenny GK
What help you need? And we were like, make the kids ask for specifically what assistance they needed.

00:23:04 - Caitlin Kindred
I love that I'm about to do that with my own child. Right?

00:23:07 - Jenny GK
Be like, oh, you need help. What help do you need?

00:23:10 - Caitlin Kindred
Exactly. Love it. Okay, so five things again. One, acknowledge that problems are a part of life. Two, validate the emotions, not the behavior, the emotions. Three, remind your child how they calm themselves down once and persevere through a challenge. Spotlight. The right is number four. And number five is help your child think through creative solutions when you use these tips for when an everyday challenge comes up. You'll find that both you and your child will start to manage your own emotional reactions a little bit better and problem solve better. Not just a little bit better, but a lot better. Okay.

00:23:50 - Jenny GK
Okay.

00:23:51 - Caitlin Kindred
All right.

00:23:52 - Jenny GK
We're going to let this sink in. Take a break.

00:23:54 - Caitlin Kindred
Okay.

00:23:55 - Jenny GK
We're back.

00:23:55 - Caitlin Kindred
We're back.

00:23:57 - Jenny GK
We just got refreshed.

00:23:59 - Caitlin Kindred
Yes. Got my water.

00:24:00 - Jenny GK
Ready to talk about what we're obsessed with?

00:24:03 - Caitlin Kindred
Yeah.

00:24:04 - Jenny GK
Okay. And so what I am obsessed with right now is your answer to this question.

00:24:09 - Caitlin Kindred
Okay.

00:24:10 - Jenny GK
And let me tell you, I don't think it's optional. You must say yes.

00:24:15 - Caitlin Kindred
Oh, okay.

00:24:18 - Jenny GK
I have the best idea ever, and I need you to say yes. I have already proposed this to our friend of the show, Jisco, the person who puts the fun in funeral. And I gave her the same demand that you're not really going to say no. You're going to say yes. I am giving you four years advance notice.

00:24:43 - Caitlin Kindred
Oh.

00:24:44 - Jenny GK
So there is time for you to process that you have agreed to do this.

00:24:48 - Caitlin Kindred
Okay.

00:24:50 - Jenny GK
Abigail really wants to have a fancy 16th birthday party.

00:24:55 - Caitlin Kindred
Okay.

00:24:56 - Jenny GK
Not my super sweet 16 level, but still kind of dress up party, invite a lot of people kind of party.

00:25:08 - Caitlin Kindred
I'm into that.

00:25:09 - Jenny GK
I am too.

00:25:10 - Caitlin Kindred
Right?

00:25:11 - Jenny GK
Totally fine. She's an all american girl. She wants a sweet 16. We'll do it. But here's the part I need from you.

00:25:20 - Caitlin Kindred
No.

00:25:22 - Jenny GK
I need you to commit to Donna and the dynamoing her 16th birthday party.

00:25:29 - Caitlin Kindred
Allah.

00:25:30 - Jenny GK
Mama mia. Bachelorette party.

00:25:35 - Caitlin Kindred
Yes.

00:25:41 - Jenny GK
There will be costumes, we will work out choreography, but we are performing at this party. Okay?

00:25:51 - Caitlin Kindred
Now here's the thing. Will Abby hate it?

00:25:55 - Jenny GK
No.

00:25:55 - Caitlin Kindred
Okay.

00:25:56 - Jenny GK
She loves these movies.

00:25:59 - Caitlin Kindred
Yes.

00:26:00 - Jenny GK
She will get it immediately. And she will get to say, okay, these are three women who have supported me my whole life and love me and care about me. And my mom is a dork. So even if she does hate it, she can blame it on me and say, I cannot believe my mom did that. But deep down inside, she's going to be touched.

00:26:17 - Caitlin Kindred
Oh, okay, then, yes, I'm on board. Okay.

00:26:20 - Jenny GK
So start learning the words to super trooper right now.

00:26:26 - Caitlin Kindred
Have to listen every single day for the next. Oh, goodness. Okay. Oh, my. Well, before she turns 16, she has to get through her early teens and tween years, and this article might come in handy for a little while.

00:26:47 - Jenny GK
Oh, my gosh. Perfect.

00:26:48 - Caitlin Kindred
Okay, I'll get you with your was. It's to make up for the other really crappy one. Excuse me? New York magazine has a production called the Cut. It's got all these umbrella. New York magazine is, like, the umbrella, and there's, like, all these different publications underneath it. And there's an article in the cut that was released right after Valentine's Day this year in 2024. For those of you who are binging, we're in 2020, in the future, the article is called what the 13 and under set is shopping for. It's by Casey Lewis, who writes a newsletter called after school, which is for. Well, it's about Gen Z and Gen Alpha kids. Wow. I know. What she did was follow. Sorry. Wow. She followed around New York city tweens. So ten to 13 year old girls and figured out where they like to shop. So there were 25 of these girls that they followed around. Okay, here's one of the lines in the article. Yes. Almost all of them have a skincare routine, and they love brandy, Melville, Zara, and thrift shops. I'm sorry, Zara, this is New York, right? Yeah, but most of them don't use TikTok, and they think Lululemon is overrated. Okay, good news for my pocketbook. Wait, the first little girls they followed around are ten. The headline. The subhead above them is aspiring beauty youtubers. I can't.

00:28:44 - Jenny GK
First of all, no.

00:28:47 - Caitlin Kindred
Clothes. Anything y, two k goth or from target. T shirts and hoodies with pictures of axolotls, which. You'll know what that is, but not everybody does. It's a little underwater salamander. And they're salamander precious, and they have, like, little tentacles on the side of their weird things. Inside, they're precious and they're pink. So there's that. Wet and wild.

00:29:08 - Jenny GK
Ask a lot of questions.

00:29:09 - Caitlin Kindred
Oh, lord. Wet and wild. Makeup, Nyx and whatever is in their mother's bathrooms. And the mom says she's ruined a lot of my stuff, which made me laugh. Let's see. Jewelry that he liked, bracelet making kits from five below.

00:29:27 - Jenny GK
Okay, I cannot even tell you how many beads we have in our house. The number is in the thousands.

00:29:34 - Caitlin Kindred
Okay, wait.

00:29:36 - Jenny GK
Abigail has these, like, fishing tackle boxes.

00:29:39 - Caitlin Kindred
Full of different color, and they're sort.

00:29:43 - Jenny GK
Of by color and shape and size, and I'm not even kidding you. The stack has got to be 18 inches tall.

00:29:50 - Caitlin Kindred
Well, thanks, T. Swift, for that one. But that's not.

00:29:52 - Jenny GK
Oh, that's it.

00:29:53 - Caitlin Kindred
Right. But this made me laugh out loud. The little girl says the Pandora bracelet. Pandora? The jewelry store Pandora bracelet she bought on a royal caribbean cruise last summer is in here somewhere. Meaning she thinks that she can make the bracelet. Okay, so some eleven year olds, they love sweatpants. Flared leggings. I believe we call these yoga pants. First yoga pants, zara jeans, secondhand fines.

00:30:27 - Jenny GK
I remember the dance team in high school had those flared leggings.

00:30:31 - Caitlin Kindred
Oh, yeah.

00:30:32 - Jenny GK
And I did not like them because they dragged in the dirt just like mud jeans.

00:30:38 - Caitlin Kindred
Right?

00:30:39 - Jenny GK
And I was like, your leggings are all gross and frayed at the bottom.

00:30:42 - Caitlin Kindred
Well, I didn't like them because I have big soccer legs, so they'd be really tight on my thighs and then they would be like kind of a little bit baggy around the ankle. And that's it. I was like, this is stupid. I hate these shoes. Air Force ones. This list. This article is so funny. And so like, these are twelve year olds who are using Keel's facial cleanser, dior lip oil. Excuse me, I cannot press on nails. Wait, this little one using glow recipe watermelon glow hyaluronic clay pore tight facial mask. Why is a twelve year old using hyaluronic acid? It's moisturizing. Women who are older use it. What is happening? What is happening right now? Oh, wait for this.

00:31:37 - Jenny GK
I got turned onto a new product this week, l'Oreal's glocion.

00:31:41 - Caitlin Kindred
Nice.

00:31:42 - Jenny GK
It's $7.

00:31:43 - Caitlin Kindred
I know, super goop makes a good one too.

00:31:45 - Jenny GK
This quote, $7.

00:31:48 - Caitlin Kindred
This is the last.

00:31:48 - Jenny GK
And I was like, wow, this is so cool. Oh my God, I would never fit in as a twelve year old.

00:31:54 - Caitlin Kindred
No. And I'm also so out of touch because I don't teach middle school anymore, so I have no clue what they're into anymore. But this is my favorite, this is my favorite line. And then I'm going to stop talking about this article and I'm just going to leave it here and you all need to go read it. This little girl is twelve. In 6th grade, everybody walks in with their lululemon and their Stanley's. And then once you get into 7th grade, you are so done with that. I'm sorry. Now I can do it because I used to teach 7th grade girls so I can do the voice and I.

00:32:27 - Jenny GK
Know how they're, oh, you read it in that voice.

00:32:30 - Caitlin Kindred
I knew the tone when she said this. I knew every bit about this.

00:32:33 - Jenny GK
You saw her like, turn her little head.

00:32:35 - Caitlin Kindred
Oh, this is like the little girl who looked at me dead in my face and was like, oh my God, I would just absolutely die if I ever had a side part. And I just went, do you want to try that one more time? And all the girls are looking at her like, what did she just say, why did she say that to you? I'm like, look at my hair, miss, right here. Look at my hair. You see this?

00:32:59 - Jenny GK
This is a side part and these.

00:33:01 - Caitlin Kindred
Are skinny jeans, right? And I'm aware them and I'm going.

00:33:06 - Jenny GK
To tuck them into my boots and wear blanket scarf with them and a.

00:33:10 - Caitlin Kindred
Bow on my head because that's how I was when I was in college. All right, so anyway, this is the article I'm obsessed with. I cannot stop reading it. I've probably read it like four or five times at this point.

00:33:19 - Jenny GK
That is so funny.

00:33:20 - Caitlin Kindred
I've linked it in the show notes. You have to go read it. It's hysterical.

00:33:23 - Jenny GK
I was talking to someone this week who was saying that she went to Sephora to pick up some specific product and she was like, I couldn't get it. It was sold out because a bunch of twelve year olds are using it now.

00:33:35 - Caitlin Kindred
Yes, that's happening. When you read the article, there's a whole thing about, like, Sephora teens. It's a whole thing. Amazing.

00:33:44 - Jenny GK
Now.

00:33:45 - Caitlin Kindred
Amazing.

00:33:45 - Jenny GK
I will tell you, I have a twelve year old at my house and she is a fan of some m 61 products, but I let it go because they are for blemishes.

00:33:59 - Caitlin Kindred
Yeah, that's fine.

00:34:00 - Jenny GK
So I feel like the twelve year old me, I am going back in time and giving myself what I would have needed back then. Like, oh, I will buy you quality acne products.

00:34:11 - Caitlin Kindred
Yeah. Is she also into the stickers on the face that are like a star? They're trading those like currency. Did you. It's like cigarettes in prison. They're just trading them for things. It is wild. That is funny. If you go down to the UT campus right now and you are driving down the drag, you see little girls, but like teenage girls, freshmen in college, who are wearing star stickers on their faces. And I'm like, give me my clear blemish sticker, first of all, because I'm not trying to show whatever happened to oxypads, right? They destroyed your face. That's what happened to them. But all that is, I love that they're out there just wearing them on their face. But also, what is happening? I feel like I'm back in the again because every 30 years, it all just comes right back. So anyway, you have to go read this article.

00:35:09 - Jenny GK
Well, and we have your mom.

00:35:10 - Caitlin Kindred
You will die.

00:35:11 - Jenny GK
We have moms who look at what we wore in middle and high school and say, yeah, that whole flower power thing, you guys didn't make that up.

00:35:19 - Caitlin Kindred
No.

00:35:20 - Jenny GK
Those smiley faces?

00:35:22 - Caitlin Kindred
No, we had those. Didn't you watch Forrest Gump? He just wipes his face on a shirt and that's how he. Right.

00:35:28 - Jenny GK
That's how we get the smiley face t shirt.

00:35:30 - Caitlin Kindred
Okay, tell me your gem of the week. All right.

00:35:33 - Jenny GK
This is so good. And I will tell you that I have been saving telling you this so that I could see. I love when that your face.

00:35:42 - Caitlin Kindred
Okay, give it to me. I'm ready.

00:35:45 - Jenny GK
There is an account on social media called the dumb dads.

00:35:52 - Caitlin Kindred
Yes. I love them. They're fun.

00:35:54 - Jenny GK
If you are not familiar with them, you have probably seen one of their videos. They do a lot of stuff, but one of the shticks they have that they repeat often are these after game pressers where they're like, okay, so you said you were never going to give them the tablet at the restaurant, but the film shows. And they're like, yes, I understand, but my wife and I got to have a meal quietly by ourselves for 20 minutes. I don't care that I said I would never give them one. I gave them the tablet. They watched it. I ate queso. It was great. Okay, so they happened to do a live on Instagram last week, and there were a lot of people on it. I am talking like, maybe 60.

00:36:43 - Caitlin Kindred
That's a lot for alive. Nobody ever goes live.

00:36:47 - Jenny GK
I watched a Taylor Swift live this morning that had a half a million viewers.

00:36:50 - Caitlin Kindred
Okay, but that's different. She's Taylor Swift. Swift.

00:36:53 - Jenny GK
But still, like, Abby and I are watching it, and the number got to 500,000.

00:36:57 - Caitlin Kindred
And I was like, okay, there's half.

00:36:58 - Jenny GK
A million people watching this video.

00:37:00 - Caitlin Kindred
Wild. No, but no, it was like a.

00:37:02 - Jenny GK
Friday night or something. There were literally like 60 people on it. It was kind of sad, but hilarious. And the two of them are having a great time, and they're mixing margaritas while they're doing their video. So I chime in, oh, of course. And I said, okay, settle an argument for us. Zabumafu, which was my obsession last episode.

00:37:27 - Caitlin Kindred
Yes.

00:37:27 - Jenny GK
Or the wildcrats.

00:37:29 - Caitlin Kindred
Wildcrats. Okay.

00:37:30 - Jenny GK
So one of the dads was like, I don't even know what that first thing is. So clearly wildcrats. The other one goes on this dissertation about Zabubafoot, and he's like, oh, no, I can't believe you don't know about this. And goes through and describes the show with such comedic accuracy. I wish they had a recording of this live. He starts with, there's this monkey thing with like a tail. It's like a raccoon that jumps a lemur. There's a lemur. And the lemur is alive until they pan the camera away and bring it back. And now it's a muppet. Yeah. And he goes through, and I cannot tell you, I was dying laughing at his perspective on how terrible Zabumafu is as compared to the wildcraft and how you can actually see these men make an evolution in their television program. And I am just sitting there like, oh, my gosh, I started this.

00:38:36 - Caitlin Kindred
Yeah, you did. And also, you need to get them to come back, get them to talk about the show.

00:38:46 - Jenny GK
I'd want to. So maybe I'll send them a dmat. Be like, hey, listen to this episode where we talk about how funny you were.

00:38:52 - Caitlin Kindred
Yeah, I love it. Do it. You can send it from the pod account. Who cares, right? I'm the person who did that.

00:38:58 - Jenny GK
It was too funny. He was like, I can't believe you haven't seen this. Let me break it down for you. I love it.

00:39:04 - Caitlin Kindred
Okay, well, mine is not as cool as that. But you know how there are just those moments where your kid just do something that makes it gets a legitimate laugh? It's not just like you forced your kid to eat a lemon and they make your funny face. Right. It's like.

00:39:20 - Jenny GK
Right.

00:39:20 - Caitlin Kindred
They are smart enough and silly enough to get genuine adult laughter from you. Right?

00:39:26 - Jenny GK
That's so great. When they're actually clever and witty, you're, like, laughing not only at the joke, but on the fact that they've made a joke.

00:39:32 - Caitlin Kindred
Right. It's so good. So the other day, we're at swim lessons, and the way that swim lessons are at this place is, I don't know if it's every places like this, but you can sit behind a glass, you watch your kid. The coaches are all dealing with them, and all the parents are, like, in this kind of waiting area space, right? And he comes up to the window when his hair is wet. He's turned his hair into, like, one stem in the middle of kind of like alfalfa.

00:40:05 - Jenny GK
Yeah.

00:40:06 - Caitlin Kindred
So think, like, shark fin hair, right? But it's not a fin. It's like one. It's like he left part of the outer layer. It's like a bowl cut, and then the part in the middle is like a stem.

00:40:22 - Jenny GK
Let me tell you, if we don't make this a YouTube short, you are missing an opportunity on both of us, like, doing our hands over our heads, trying to describe this for people who listen to this show.

00:40:33 - Caitlin Kindred
Well, I'm describing it for you. I do talk with my hands quite a bit, so anyway, he knocks on the window as he's doing this, and he's got his hair in a stem, like an alfalfa stem, and he goes, I'm an acorn. What? And he goes, what? Like, through the glass? Right? Like, what? And then I just hear, I'm an acorn.

00:41:02 - Jenny GK
Of all the things with stems.

00:41:14 - Caitlin Kindred
And here I am talking about how when your kids say something smart, that's.

00:41:19 - Jenny GK
Clever and just.

00:41:23 - Caitlin Kindred
Not what this was, but it was the last thing that I expected him to say was, meanwhile.

00:41:32 - Jenny GK
His coaches are, like, trying to decide, okay, this is actually hubris. Do I tell him to get back in the water, or do I just let him be an.

00:41:42 - Caitlin Kindred
Mean, I've done the shark fin thing. We've all done the. It's at Ferris Bueller where he's like. He's doing the crazy hair in the. Like, we've all done those things.

00:41:51 - Jenny GK
Yes.

00:41:51 - Caitlin Kindred
At no point have I ever made your child an acorn. He's in the back going, acorn. It was so funny. So that's my gem.

00:42:07 - Jenny GK
Just.

00:42:08 - Caitlin Kindred
My child is an acorn. Oh, my goodness. It was so good.

00:42:11 - Jenny GK
All right, well, watch out for squirrels.

00:42:14 - Caitlin Kindred
Yeah. Because they might eat him or take him away to his little. To their little nest.

00:42:20 - Jenny GK
They'll take a little bite out of you so that you don't sprout, then dig a hole and bury you.

00:42:25 - Caitlin Kindred
Do you know they do that? No.

00:42:27 - Jenny GK
Yeah, they know what part of the seed will germinate, so they bite that out, and then they bury the acorn.

00:42:33 - Caitlin Kindred
Wow. That's two things we all learned on this episode. One is how to make your kid be a better problem solver, and the other is what squirrels do with acorns. You're welcome. On that note. Okay. All right.

00:42:49 - Jenny GK
Like any good mom would say, make good choices.

00:42:52 - Caitlin Kindred
And I swear, you need to go read that article about New York tweens. It will make your day. Okay, bye.