Self-Love First with Laura Conley: How to Lose Weight & Embrace Lasting Happiness

00:00:01 - Caitlin Kindred
It's Tuesday. Oh, my gosh. That was a high one. Welcome back to CK and GK.

00:00:07 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
We're the show for adults who need a grown up.

00:00:11 - Caitlin Kindred
So today we are thrilled because we have Laura Conley, host of the Yummy mummy podcast, and she's a certified life coach, weight coach here, helping us with grown up advice for taking care of yourself so you can love the body that you're in and love your life in general.

00:00:27 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Fabulous.

00:00:28 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
So good.

00:00:29 - Caitlin Kindred
Ah.

00:00:30 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Thank you, guys, for having me. I'm so excited.

00:00:32 - Caitlin Kindred
So glad you're here.

00:00:34 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
So also here is Caitlin, who, if she was a transformer, would be Optimus fine.

00:00:41 - Caitlin Kindred
Oh, hey, I'm. I need to know this website where you find these pickup lines, because I'm all about them. So good.

00:00:49 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Oh, my gosh.

00:00:50 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
So I just, like, google funny pickup lines, and then I scroll through all these articles are, like, 101 ways to pick up people at the gym or whatever.

00:00:58 - Caitlin Kindred
Well, that's my flawless apple pie, Jenny.

00:01:02 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Cooling on a window sill.

00:01:05 - Caitlin Kindred
Yeah, cooling on the window sill as you do steal it. Yeah, I forgot about that. There's your leslie. Nope. Opener for the day. Yeah.

00:01:13 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
All right.

00:01:14 - Caitlin Kindred
Okay. Well, let's. Let's actually get into this. So, as we mentioned, we have Laura Conley of Laura Conley coaching here with us today. And I have to tell everyone how we actually found Laura. You posted in a Facebook group for podcasters, and the message was. So. The vibes were so good with this message, you were talking about being a weight loss coach for women. Excuse me, who have tried everything, but you mentioned that your primary goal, and this is why I knew I had to send this post to Jenny. But your primary goal is to teach them to freaking love themselves and their lives so that they can be the role model they want to be for their kids, around food, around body image, but just around enjoying life in general. Just the positivity in that, the energy in that was, like, magnetic for me. I knew. I was like, jenny, I have to get this girl on. We were hooked. And so we're thrilled that you're here, and I'm so ready for these tips for taking care of yourself and living your best life. I can't wait.

00:02:14 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Oh, thank you so much. That's so fun to have that reflected back, because it is my mission. It's like the weight loss is really just the trick to get these moms in, because so many. So many of us have been conditioned by our culture to want to lose weight. And I think that that's fine, but it's like, come on into the yummy mummy. And, yeah, you're gonna lose weight, but the way you're gonna do it is gonna be really unfamiliar because what we're doing is we're loving ourselves. And actually, for some of my clients and some of your listeners, probably that. That sounds cringy. We're like, oh, I don't even want to love myself. Like, I just want to feel good in my body. Like, ugh. Like, self love. Like, what even is that? Self care. What is that? And so, actually, the weight loss is kind of like a byproduct of us learning to love ourselves. And I always try to encourage people or, like, sell people on, like, self love and self care care because you're with yourself every single day, all day long. Like, think of that like, an annoying person from your fifth grade class, and, like, they're always next to you or like that bully from 9th grade or whatever your memory is, and they're with you all the time, and they don't treat you kindly. It's like, the worst. And so I think so many of us are our own worst enemies, and we are just talking to ourselves. We're berating ourselves, and. And some of us know that we do it. Some of us are very conscious of us beating us up, and some of us don't know that we do it, but it actually runs in the subconscious. So a clue into do you beat yourself up? Do you speak to yourself in a way that you would never dream, speaking to a best friend? A clue into that is, do you feel like there's, like, this black cloud hanging over you throughout the day? Like, do you just kind of feel, like, low level. Ugh. And that could be a cue that you aren't speaking lovingly to yourself or kindly to yourself. So, anyways, I think self love is all about the way that we talk to ourselves, first and foremost, because you could take all the bubble baths, you can get all the massages, you can do all the things, but if you're beating the crap out of yourself inside your mind, it's fake, it's not real. It's a band aid. It's not going to actually create what you're wanting to create with that bubble bath. It has to start inside your brain first in order to translate into your body in the way that you feel and in the way that you actually treat yourself.

00:04:47 - Caitlin Kindred
We've done an episode on self care, and we did it around, like, a new year's resolution sort of theme, right? It was like, self care can be a resolution or whatever if you want. But, like, self care, the best kind, is a habit, right? It's like, the reason it's self care is because you do it all the time. It's not just like taking a bubble bath once. It's those people who take one every night who are like, I need my bath. Or, like, I'm a walker, so I'm like, I need my walk in the morning. I have to have that. Otherwise I don't feel like myself, right? So this is such an interesting way to look at that, because the way that you speak to yourself is habitual, right? It is so ingrained in yourself. You've been talking to yourself like that probably for as long as you can remember, right? So that it's really interesting take on that. And I'm very, very much about this.

00:05:37 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Yes, you mention the kids, right? Like, we want to pass down a legacy to our kiddos that we're really proud of around body image and food. The way that we talk to our kids becomes their inner voices. I think that's the quote, right? But what I think. I think it's a step farther. I think the way that we talk to ourselves is actually what becomes their inner voices, because they pick up on all the subtleties. Like, they pick up on the way that we look at ourselves in the mirror. They pick up on what we're doing at the dinner table. They pick up on, like, are we going to the gym for the second time in the day? This was. This was my old life when I was in my yo yo dieting days. I would, like, do two a days all the time. They notice, like, are we changing our outfit 17 times? So they pick up on our inner voice even if we don't say it out loud. And so that's another, like, kind of carrot. Like, if you can't do the self love, self care thing for yourself, do it for your kids, and it'll eventually be for you, too, for sure. So I'm like, use your kid. Like, some people are like, you can't do it for other people. You have to do it for you. And I'm like, I don't care who you do it for, as long as you're. As long as you're doing it and you don't have to do it. Like, whatever. There's all the freedom and all the choice here. But I do think my kids, like, my kids are so motivating for me, right? Like, I think we talk about a lot. A lot. Like, I want to be a good role model. I want to be a good person. And so I think that can be motivating. Like, our children are going to inherit our inner voices. Like, they pick up on those small subtleties. Like, they know. They know what our relationship with ourselves totally is.

00:07:11 - Caitlin Kindred
Oh, totally. And I've had that conversation, too, with my husband. Like, if you hear me saying something bad about myself where I'm like, oh, I'm such an idiot, like, you're supposed to correct me. Like, no, don't talk about yourself. Don't talk about yourself like that. Right? Like, we've had, you know, we've had that conversation because I don't want my child saying those things about himself when he gets older. Right? Like, I don't want that for him. So interesting.

00:07:34 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Yeah. I think that's, like, such a cool legacy to leave behind. Like, permission to. To give to our kids. Like, you're allowed to love yourself. Like, you're allowed to love yourself unconditionally. Like, we're not taught that. At least I wasn't taught that growing up that I was, like, allowed to love myself. It's, like, to your point, too, Caitlin, like, we make mistakes, and we're like, oh, I'm such an idiot. Like, what's wrong with, like, what's wrong with me? And what a cool opportunity to, like, change that talk track and then give that to our kids, because, yeah, I.

00:08:08 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Didn'T read self compassion until I was in my thirties, and I feel like I should have read it at 13.

00:08:13 - Caitlin Kindred
Yeah.

00:08:14 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Yeah.

00:08:14 - Caitlin Kindred
And I wonder if it's, like, a. We're supposed to be humble, but, like, humble and self deprecating and self loathing are not the same. Right? Like, it is possible to be humble but still love yourself.

00:08:27 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Yeah. Not mutually exclusive. Like, yeah. And I think our culture. I believe everything on our culture, but I I think our culture, like, teaches us that. That, like, being humble means, like, you know, beating yourself up inside your. And your mind. And it is. It's brave to love yourself unconditionally. It's like, a bold act because for some of us, it might not feel safe.

00:08:52 - Caitlin Kindred
That's a really interesting point.

00:08:54 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
I'd, like, think about it. Like, have you ever complimented someone and they don't accept the compliment or they deflect? They're like, like, this just happened to be the other day. Someone's like, oh, your butt looks so good. And I was like, oh, it's just these jeans. And then I was like, no, it's not these jeans.

00:09:07 - Caitlin Kindred
It's my. What's the first thing that you like? You're like, no one's gonna know. I got this dress, $13 at target. And then the first thing that someone's, oh, I love your dress. You're like, it was $13 at target. Like, it's the. You know, if you don't accept the compliment, you have to have a caveat that goes with it, right?

00:09:24 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Like, yes.

00:09:25 - Caitlin Kindred
So it's so frustrating.

00:09:27 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
So I read year of yes by Shonda Rhimes, who is the creator of Grey's Anatomy. And what's the other one?

00:09:36 - Caitlin Kindred
Bridgerton.

00:09:36 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Bridgerton. Yes, all of those. And there's a whole chapter about just, she went through this phase of accepting compliments, and she just said, thank you, and not, oh, it was only $13. Or, oh, it's just these jeans, or, oh, well, you know, I just got my hair done. It was just like, oh, thank you.

00:09:55 - Caitlin Kindred
I imagine the look on people's faces, they were probably like, oh, um, yeah, you're welcome.

00:10:00 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
You're welcome. I think that's great, though, because it gives. It gives that permit, that person, then potentially permission to do the same.

00:10:09 - Caitlin Kindred
Yeah. Okay. So I'm hearing so far that a couple of these tips are work on your inner monologue, for sure, of how you speak to yourself. And if you can't find the motivation within, use any sort of external motivator, kids or whatever, to help guide you down this path of taking care of yourself.

00:10:30 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Yeah. And it's like, how do you actually do that? I want to give your audience, like, really tangible tips because it sounds a little nebulous. It's like, oh, that sounds great in theory. So next time you make a mistake, quote unquote. Or maybe you do make a mistake. Like, maybe you do yell at your kid, right? Like, I'm actively working on not yelling at my kids. Yeah. I think we're all probably working on writing. It's a lifelong practice, so. So next time, maybe. Maybe you're not a yeller. Maybe you are. But anytime you make a mistake, right, that maybe goes against your values. So this is me. I'll give you a real time example. Like, I yell at my daughter, and then, ooh, the guilt just floods into my body because I'm thinking the thoughts, like, what's wrong with you? You told yourself you weren't going to do this. You were going to screw her up. Like, get it together, Laura. You told your coach you weren't going to do this, right? And so that's the inner monologue. It's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. And it's like, what I would encourage you guys, the listeners to say instead is like, now key, don't beat yourself up. When you notice you're beating yourself up, just be like, just be like, good job. You caught it. So in that moment, I would be like, oh, Laura, you're feeling so guilty. Yes, you did yell at Laura when you didn't want to yell at Laura. And that's okay. We're learning. The goal here is just to get 1% better and to, to love yourself right now so that you can actually make a real repair with her. So that's the difference is, like, going from, what's wrong with you, you idiot. Like, get it together to like, oh, that was tough. Like, that's, that isn't in alignment with who we want to be. And it's okay because you're a human who's learning, I'm willing to love you, Laura, in this moment. Like, and that's unconditional love. And that is what I want to pass down to my kids. Like, the ability to love myself even when I'm not being myself. Capital s self. So that's a tangible way to do it, is like, love yourself in the mistake and give yourself permission to love yourself in the mistake, because a lot of us don't believe we deserve the love from ourselves.

00:12:49 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
I am a feelings about feelings person so many times. And I'll say, okay, why are you upset about this?

00:12:56 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Or why are you feeling guilty?

00:12:57 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
And so now I have feelings about my feelings. I'm like, jen, there's too many layers here, right?

00:13:03 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Yes, yes, I'm supposed to feel this. This is a normal, natural part of being a human. It's okay that I feel this. Like, we're taught we're supposed to be happy 100% of the time or 80% of the time. It's like, no, life is 50 50. It's supposed to. I mean, I don't really know if it's.

00:13:20 - Caitlin Kindred
But be, it's worse than that. Some days it feels better.

00:13:23 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Yeah, it's a hot spot.

00:13:25 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
And it's a great guiding principle, because when you do feel guilty or when you do feel disappointed or fill in the blank, uncomfortable, unintentional, whatever emotion, it's like, oh, I'm supposed to feel like this. Oh, yes. And I mean, to loop it into, like, some of the work that I do. A lot of us think, like, to your point, like, oh, I'm not supposed to feel guilty. Like, oh, gotta get rid of this guilt. And so what do we do? We turn to scrolling on the phone. We turn to the kids, goldfish or the ice cream. Or we turn to the, I mean, the wine. Fill in the blank. Because we don't want to feel the feelings as we're taught. We're not supposed to have these feelings. They're wrong. They're bad. So let's soothe with food. Let's make them go away with alcohol or scrolling or netflix or fill in the blank. And those things aren't inherent, inherently bad or wrong, but only when they're used.

00:14:14 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
For self medication are they right. Like, having those things in your life is not a problem. It's using them to avoid feeling.

00:14:22 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
To avoid or escape.

00:14:23 - Caitlin Kindred
Exactly.

00:14:24 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
I agree with you 100%, Jen. And also, for the audience member, I think it's helpful to, like, you get to decide, right? If. If, like, for example, my husband, like, he eats emotionally sometimes, but it's, like, not that big of a problem for him because it's like once in a blue moon and he doesn't have, like, it's not too much of a net negative for him. It's kind of a net neutral. Okay. He has a stressful day. He eats a half a bag of potato chips once every three months. He wakes up the next morning, he feels amazing. If I do that, I wake up and I have a sugar or a chip hangover or ice cream hangover from it.

00:15:00 - Caitlin Kindred
Really?

00:15:00 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Yes.

00:15:02 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
All this salt.

00:15:03 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
I'm so puffy.

00:15:04 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
I would eat the half bag of chips and say one of two things. Either I hate myself because I ate all these chips, or I guess the whole week's out the window because I already ate half a bag of chips.

00:15:13 - Caitlin Kindred
Might as well have the cheesecake. What would the third option of, like, look at me. I only half the bag. I have another half to go. That's where I. Because I was like, oh, she's gonna say, I'm so proud of myself. I only have it, not the whole thing. I really wanted the whole thing.

00:15:29 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Oh, that's a. That's amazing. That is, like.

00:15:32 - Caitlin Kindred
That's positive self love.

00:15:33 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
That's what you can. Yeah, exactly. That's self love right there.

00:15:37 - Caitlin Kindred
You're a pro.

00:15:38 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
So it's. Yeah, it's not loving when it's used for. And this is just my belief system when, like, food is used for what it's not for. And I believe that it's for fuel most of the time. Like, yes, there's times for, like, you know, obviously eat a freaking cupcake on your birthday or whatever, but it's.

00:15:56 - Caitlin Kindred
Yeah, I get that. Okay. So I also, when you were speaking to yourself, that, like, take a breath.

00:16:03 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Whoa.

00:16:03 - Caitlin Kindred
Moment. It felt a little bit like you were talking to your daughter, like, to a child, right? Like, it's how your. How you would speak to a little one who just made a mistake. Right? It's so gentle. It was such a gentle, like, whoa. Take a breath.

00:16:21 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Yeah.

00:16:21 - Caitlin Kindred
You need to be more gentle with yourself. So if you're struggling with that mindset of how to talk to yourself, I mean, I guess you would imagine. Imagine you're talking to yourself, your tiny self, right? Yeah. How should three year old caitlyn be hearing that line? Right?

00:16:38 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Yeah. Yeah. Like, if you want to change behavior, there's so much science and, like, data on this. Like, if you want to change behavior, whether it's your behavior or your three year old's behavior, the most effective way to do it is to come at it from love and compassion. We think that if we just beat ourselves up hard enough that we're going to change. If we just punish the crap out of ourselves, we're going to change. But we all have enough data and proof that, like, that doesn't work. Especially, like, my clients, like, they have tried to beat themselves up into oblivion. They've tried to punish themselves into, you know, into a certain gene size. It doesn't work, at least permanently. So it is, to your point, like, if my four year old hits my six year old, I first have to take a deep breath, and then when they're a little bit calmer, when I'm being the parrot I want to be, it's. It's exactly to your point. You go over Phoenix, like, whoa. I noticed that you got super frustrated because Laura took your toy. I get it. I'd be frustrated, too. Like, what can we do next time you're frustrated instead of hit her? Because hitting isn't okay. Being frustrated is okay. And it's the same thing with. With me talking to me. Right? Like, I probably got frustrated at Laura. That's probably why I yelled at her. I probably got really irritated or annoyed or whatever. It's okay to be annoyed. It's not okay to yell.

00:17:51 - Caitlin Kindred
Right. Yeah, I get that completely. I think that makes a lot of sense. Also, your children's names are Laura and Phoenix. I'm obsessed with.

00:17:58 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Oh, thank you.

00:18:00 - Caitlin Kindred
Okay, so, so far I've heard, like, change the way that you speak to yourself. Make it habitual. Be gentle with yourself. Talk to yourself the way that you would, young version of yourself. Allow yourself to feel those feelings that you may have been told are not okay. What else can you tell us about how this self care and. I don't know.

00:18:22 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
So how do you feel a feeling. So, again, to give them, like, this tactical, in, like, day in the life, like, how do I actually apply this? Like, we talked about how to examine your thoughts, and maybe if you're beating yourself up, how to change that talk track. But how do you feel a feeling, like. And maybe, I mean, I think now we're doing such a better job of that. But I wasn't taught, even though I did have a mom who was pretty good and, like, totally emotionally intelligent. But the point is, if you're noticing that you're really angry or you're really irritated or you're feeling really guilty, what I teach my clients is the now feeling work. So now is an acronym. N stands for name it. And there's. There's some parenting books that are out there that say, like, name it to tame it, and I swear to God, the n of the n o w half the time is all I have to do. If I just name it, it sort of starts to disintegrate. So n. And now is, oh, wow, I'm feeling really guilty. The o is okay. It. It is okay that I'm feeling guilty. This is a normal part of being a human. And then the w is witness it or watch it. Oh, my God. It's like, it's in my chest. It's like, you might want to close your eyes for 10 seconds here. And then I always ask either or is it hard? Is it soft? Is it fast? Is it slow? Because every feeling is just a vibration in our body. That that's the. The way that I define feelings or emotion. It's just a vibration in your body. And actually knowing that makes these kind of negative, in quotes, emotions not so scary. It's literally just a vibration in your body. That's all it is. And if that's true, then we can witness it. Okay. It's. It feels like it's black, and it feels like. So if you can witness it and see where it is in your body, I know that sounds a little weird, but when you do that, it loosens the grip. So it's like, we are taught to move away from negative emotions, and it's like, how can you actually move towards. How can you invite them in and feel it? Yes.

00:20:23 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Notice it and then move?

00:20:25 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Yeah. Yes, exactly. So now name it. Okay. It and witness it. And with the understanding that, yes, most likely, if you do this now feeling work, the feelings are going to loosen their grip, and you're going to be able to move forward. But I. But I want to encourage you to just to do the work without the tight grip of, I do this, then it's gonna go away. Like, what if it was just always allowed to be there? Like, what if it was, like, a party that you were having and happiness was allowed to be there and guilt was allowed to be there? It's kind of like the movie inside out. Like, all the characters are allowed to be there. Disappointments allowed. Elation is allowed. Bliss is allowed. Devastation is allowed. They're all allowed in. Like, come down and come and sit right next to me. Here's a cocktail here. Here's whatever. Like, I find I get so much relief when I. When I. When I release the resistance to. The resistance to the uncomfortable emotions is what is so painful. The emotions themselves, when we're like, no, I'm allowed to feel this. I'm supposed to feel this. It's not that bad. Like, I had a really traumatic event, and I could share details, but I know you have, like, little. Little ears, but I had a. An event with a pregnancy, and when I let go of the resistance, it was a feel. It was a sacred feeling. It was a feeling of bliss. I had a lot of disappointment around this pregnancy, a lot of, like, feelings of pain and shame, actually. And when I released the resistance, it was, like, pure connection and bliss and almost a feeling of, like, sacred, like, holy feeling, because it was, like, me connecting with myself and, like, taking care of myself. So that's another little carrot. It's like sometimes when you feel the feelings without the. And you let go of the resistance because you're not thinking, I shouldn't feel this, or, I'm bad for feeling these. It's not even that bad. They're not even that bad. So that's another carry.

00:22:26 - Caitlin Kindred
I love that. First of all, I'm sorry to hear about any sort of pregnancy is hard for a lot of people, and Jenny and I have both. We understand that feeling, and it hasn't been easy for a lot of people. So I'm sorry to hear that. But I also. I love the whole leaning into it thing. I'm kind of equating it. I mean, you are located in Colorado. You are familiar with driving in snow. I grew up there. I learned to drive there. And I remember one time coming back from a concert in Boulder and driving on the hill, and you have to parallel park everywhere on the hill, and there was ice all over the place. It was a super bad, snowy night. Ice everywhere. And my husband, who born and raised here in Texas has very little experience driving in snow. Watched as I leaned into the scary. Right. Like, what do you do when there's like, ice on the ground? You drive into the skid because it's how you regain control of everything. And it doesn't feel natural at all to do that unless you've practiced it. Right. So when you lean into the feeling, it's not going to feel natural at all the first few times. And then once you practice that, you'll know exactly what to do and you'll be able to let go and regain control of it. And that's. I used to just be terrified of skidding. Right. And it's still scary. But knowing what to do and having it be automatic is really important. And so I'm just thinking about how I can apply that same automaticity to this now piece that you're telling me to do where I explore and lean into that. I think it would really help me regain control of everything else that feels out of control in that moment. Right?

00:24:16 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Oh, that analogy.

00:24:18 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Isn't it good?

00:24:19 - Caitlin Kindred
Way to go.

00:24:20 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
That is such a good analogy.

00:24:22 - Caitlin Kindred
I, you know what else I do? And I like, this is why I also like this now things I will ask someone else if it's okay that I feel this way. Have you ever done that? Where I'm like, am I wrong for being upset that whatever the thing is, and I shouldn't be asking that question, right? Like, I would tell someone else, right? I would tell, I would tell all of you. Like, this is your feeling is your feeling is you're feeling. You're entitled to your feelings and no one should be telling you how you feel and how you don't. And yet, when it's my self, I will say, jen, am I wrong for being upset about this? Like, please tell me if I'm being rational or I'll do the same thing to my husband. Like, you know, why, why did I get upset about this? I feel like there's a reason or, you know what I mean? Instead of just being okay with the fact that a feeling is not necessarily a decision, it's just how you feel. Right? So it's not by a car. Totally different, right?

00:25:15 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Yeah.

00:25:16 - Caitlin Kindred
So I love that.

00:25:17 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
That's so good.

00:25:18 - Caitlin Kindred
I love that. I'm gonna, I'm gonna lean into that. I'm like over here furiously trying to mute myself as I'm typing, taking notes on things. I love it.

00:25:26 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
I think that's so smart. Because what I find this has been my work lately is I'll have a feeling. And I'll be like, well, that's irrational. To your point, that's irrational. And it might actually be irrational, but so what? The feeling is still there. And so by me saying it's irrational, that doesn't do anything, that doesn't help me or anyone around me. So it's like, to your point, once the feeling is in your body, it's there. And you trying to, like, logic your way out of it is most likely not gonna work. It just. It wants to be acknowledged. It just wants to be, like, seen. And sometimes I also like to take it a step further and be like, what do you have to teach me? Like, guilt or anxiety? Like, what message do you have for me? I need to figure out an acronym for that. But usually if you ask your feeling like, this is getting woo a little bit, but who cares? I think you guys don't care about getting woo. It's a tiny bit of woe done.

00:26:23 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Like, deep parts work where it's like, okay, imagine that part of yourself. What does she look like? What does she need? Like, you are preaching to the choir here.

00:26:32 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Okay, I figured. But it's like, ooh, guilt. Like, what do you have? What do you have to teach me? Or disappointment? Like, you have a message for me, you know? And oftentimes it'll be this, like, really intuitive hit that you wouldn't have gotten otherwise. So I think that's another fun way to play with your feelings. And it makes your feelings a little bit more approachable, too. It's like, oh, maybe there's a message here.

00:26:57 - Caitlin Kindred
So, yeah.

00:26:58 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
The only thing I'll say about guilt, though, that I've been having a lot of fun with. I don't know fun is the right word, but asking myself, because I think guilt is a really common emotion for moms, like, across the board, women across the board. Like, it is. Oh, my God. And I love to ask, like, is this my guilt or is this culture's guilt that they've. That culture or my conditioning or other people's thoughts have put on me? Like, is this true guilt? And true guilt, I actually like true guilt because true guilt, for me, it points me back to my values. Like, oh, I feel guilty after I yell at my daughter. That is true guilt because that's not how I want to show up. That is not in alignment with my value system. But if I feel guilty for, like, an act of self care, like going for a workout, because to your point about walking, oh, that's totally me. Like, I have to get. I have to move my body. I have to get some sunshine, or I'm like, not that nice. So, yeah, it's like, if I feel guilty, like, tomorrow, I'm probably gonna go for a walk. On the way out the door, leaving my kids and my husband, I might feel a twinge of guilt. And I. I like to give that back to culture and be like, oh, that's. That's not for me. That's not mine. That's what culture tells me. I'm supposed to be with my kids 24/7 or some B's, you know, limiting belief or whatever. So I think that's. I don't know. It's a random. No, I love random thing that I like to share about feelings because I think that's a. I think that that is rooted in self care. Giving that back to, I don't know, whoever, whatever. The culture, the conditioning, the socialization that we get, it's. That's not mine.

00:28:30 - Caitlin Kindred
And.

00:28:31 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
And it's. It still might be in your body. Oh, that's not mine. Let me take it and give it back. And that's. That's. It's a practice for. For sure. Because if you have a lot of guilt from other, like, if you have tendency to people, please, like, this will be a practice. And that's.

00:28:47 - Caitlin Kindred
I'm pointing at myself, really. I'm just thinking. I'm like, oh, it's so normal, though.

00:28:55 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Again, not your fault.

00:28:58 - Caitlin Kindred
I know I have oldest daughter syndrome, and it's. It's deep and it's real. And my parents. My parents are wonderful parents who really did, like, say things like, it's okay to be mad, but, like, don't talk to me like that. You know what I mean? There were things like that that happened at our house, but that doesn't take. You know, there's. It's still deeply ingrained. Like, I'm fanning myself. Jenny knows I do that when I, like, I start to, like, get hot and, like, things hot. Things feel real, and I'm like, okay, all right, I'm having a moment. Excuse me. We readjust my seating here because I'm getting hot and sweaty. Okay. All right. I feel like this is. That was really. If it wasn't a little therapy session, I don't know what is. Right? Like, that was. That felt good. I don't know. Is there any other, like, quick, like, tangible thing that you would say that we haven't touched on? Because I feel like there's been so much good stuff here.

00:29:56 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Oh, God.

00:29:57 - Caitlin Kindred
Not to put you on the spot, if you don't have one. We'll just cut it. No, no.

00:30:00 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
I mean, I could talk forever about this, but I think it actually ties into the guilt. It's like, what is something you. What is just one thing you just really want to do? Like, is it girls night once a week? Is it a massage? Is it a daily walk? Like, what is this one thing that you really want to do, but your lower brain is telling you you can't for some reason? Is that reason true? Is that legit?

00:30:27 - Caitlin Kindred
Like.

00:30:28 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Cause my brain will be like, oh, no, you can't do that because Brian, like, my husband will get mad at me. Cause I wanna go to girls night. And it's like, no, he won't really. Like, really. Like, I'm pretty sure he's gonna be like, cool. Go.

00:30:40 - Caitlin Kindred
Right?

00:30:40 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
So, like, notice, what is one thing that you know deep down, like, ask yourself. Your. Your intuition, your body, whatever someone on your board of directors inside you will tell you. I don't know if it's your gut, your intuition, your body, whatever. We'll tell you. We really need this. We really need more friend connection. We really need more sunshine. We really need more massages. Whatever the thing is. We really need a workout, whatever the thing is. And then be willing to go get it for yourself and to be relentless in that, because I think that's what stops us from, like, true self care is, like, this limiting belief, again, that we don't deserve it or that we have to earn it or. Or whatever it is. So.

00:31:23 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
And.

00:31:23 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
And again, it's a practice. Like, it's not going to be comfortable to take care of yourself. Like, it's probably going to be really uncomfortable at first, but then to your point, like, you'll start to build that muscle and you'll start to practice, and it'll be easier, and then everyone in your life will benefit. That's another carrot. Like, you. I mean, you guys have heard the phrase, it's like a happy wife equals a happy life, but it's like, it's kind of true. Like, you set the tone in your house. You're the thermostat. So, like, can you imagine if you had a thermostat that was like, 95 because she was so, like, fed up or whatever? It's like, I think that this, again, if you have to do it for your kids, do it for your kids. Like, I know for myself. Like, I am not a good mom if I haven't taken care of myself. Like, I am not. It is not fun. And if I have taken my taken care of myself, I have all the energy to give. It's, like, even fun to watch me be a mom or be a wife or be involved in my life when my cup is filled, filled with up. But remember, you have to fill that cup up with things that are true pleasures that give you a net positive, like a walk. What are those things for you? They're individual for everyone. So maybe just make a list of five things that fill your pleasure cup up. Because if you don't fill your pleasure cup up with things that are true pleasures, you will find false pleasures because you have a lower brain that seeks dopamine. You are a dopamine seeking humid. Whether you like it or not, your brain is going to find that dopamine hit. I want you to have dopamine hits that serve you, that don't leave you with more to clean up the next morning. So, like, everyone's different in terms of what their self care looks like. But I would encourage you to go get it for you and for the people in your life. It's the best gift you can get.

00:33:07 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
I love the idea of listing, of coming up with these five things.

00:33:11 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Five things. What would your. What would your guys be? Is I'm thinking about them, but I'm.

00:33:16 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Also thinking about, like, having this conversation with my twelve year old daughter. Like, what are your five things that you want to do?

00:33:23 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Yes. That is giving me the chills.

00:33:27 - Caitlin Kindred
Yeah. Asking her that question.

00:33:31 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
So we're gonna take a break, and during that time, we're gonna write our five things, and I am not even gonna be able to come up with five in the break, so. So it might be week long homework.

00:33:40 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Love it.

00:33:43 - Caitlin Kindred
All right, y'all, welcome back.

00:33:45 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
We're still here.

00:33:47 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Yep.

00:33:47 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
And Laura's still here. Laura's still here. We have to talk about what we're obsessed with. And mine comes to me courtesy of Molly McAwesome on Instagram. And, you know, I've talked about Molly before. She's our favorite theme park influencer.

00:34:10 - Caitlin Kindred
I'm sorry, and I'm not remembering. Here's the deal.

00:34:13 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
She walks around Disney or Universal or she's going, and she eats all day long, and her makeup looks flawless and.

00:34:21 - Caitlin Kindred
Like, out in the sun. Yeah, exactly. How are you doing that?

00:34:25 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
It's humid, it's hot, it's gross. You're eating ice cream. Like, why do you look so great? So I'm wearing her mascara now. It's essence. Bye bye, panda eyes. I'm not kidding you. I got it at Target for, like, $7. I love it.

00:34:46 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
I can't top that.

00:34:49 - Caitlin Kindred
Bye bye, panda eyes.

00:34:51 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Like, bye bye, panda eyes. And, you know, I have done the lash princess.

00:34:55 - Caitlin Kindred
Yeah, I have to.

00:34:57 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
I've also done, like, the grown up girl mascara that you buy at the store that has the name of a color and a planet in its name. And this $7. Bye bye, panda eyes. It's my new obsession. I love it.

00:35:12 - Caitlin Kindred
Okay. Yes.

00:35:13 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Do you know the trick for mascara? This is so gross. You're gonna hate it.

00:35:17 - Caitlin Kindred
Okay.

00:35:17 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Yeah, put it on.

00:35:20 - Caitlin Kindred
Yeah. I put it in my cleavage.

00:35:21 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Yes.

00:35:22 - Caitlin Kindred
That's what you're supposed to do.

00:35:23 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
You, like, either tuck it in, or you put it, like, under your arm while you do the rest of your face.

00:35:27 - Caitlin Kindred
Yeah. You put it on one. Yep.

00:35:30 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Oh, I did not know that. Yes.

00:35:31 - Caitlin Kindred
Fun fact. It goes on better, smoother. So, mine. My. My adhd is deep and real, y'all. And I, like, since leaving the classroom, I really struggle with, like, when do I do the tasks? Like, when do I get something done right? Like, I know I have the task list. I have the Pomodoro timer over here, but nothing's happening. Like, I'm working all day, and nothing is getting done. So I bit the bullet, and I subscribe to motion. M o t I o n. Motion, as in, like, my body is in motion, okay. And it uses AI to schedule time block. Excuse me. Tasks for you. So here's what I mean. I have my task list. I type it into motion, and it finds times within my, like, meeting schedule and stuff during the day. When I say, like, I will work on items from this time to this time, it will put those things on my calendar for me so that I know that during this time of the day, I am supposed to be working on content for this company or this particular item or whatever it is, and it is helping me so much. Like, I'm. This is, like. So you actually crossed things off your task list. Like, things are done.

00:36:54 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
You're like, yeah, my robot assistant helped me. Now, Caitlin, tell me, like, when you use this motion, are you saying please and thank you?

00:37:04 - Caitlin Kindred
I don't have to, because the only thing I'm doing is typing in the task that I have to complete, and then it automatically does it. Now, I know you have a thing with the robots, and I have to say thank you. So I'll make sure that from here on out, I say thank you to the robots every time.

00:37:19 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
I've been using chat GBT for some stuff at work, and I've been like, do you have time for one more question? And it comes back like, yes, I'm.

00:37:27 - Caitlin Kindred
Here to help you.

00:37:27 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
I'm like, thank you so much for giving me all this time and effort, but I'm telling you, Laura, here's the thing, okay? It might sound crazy, but when these robots take over the planet, they are going to remember that I was nice to them.

00:37:40 - Caitlin Kindred
She says this every time we talk about AI, anything, like, it's always about the robot uprising. And they're. And they're.

00:37:46 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
And they're going to go around and be like, I'm going to eat your soul.

00:37:48 - Caitlin Kindred
I'm going to eat yours.

00:37:49 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Thanks for being nice to us.

00:37:50 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Eat you?

00:37:51 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
I'm gonna eat.

00:37:51 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
You know, I'm definitely going down.

00:37:54 - Caitlin Kindred
Good game.

00:37:54 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Good game.

00:37:55 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
It's not too late for you to say thank you, Alexa.

00:37:58 - Caitlin Kindred
Siri, you're.

00:37:59 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Yeah, I need to. I need to apologize to Siri, because I. I haven't been yelling at my kids. I've been doing really good, but instead I just been taking it out.

00:38:06 - Caitlin Kindred
Siri.

00:38:06 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
And I, like, just call her up.

00:38:08 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
And say, hey, I'm really sorry I've been mean.

00:38:10 - Caitlin Kindred
Listen, if I care about you, would just set the timer when I tell her to. I wouldn't have to yell at her in the first place. So she just. She listens to everything else, but she's not listening to that, so she. Sometimes. Sometimes you gotta get a little sassy with those things. But anyway, yes, I will say thank you. Laura, do you have any obsessions that you. Hmm.

00:38:33 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Okay. Have you guys ever read Kristen Hanna? Like, she wrote the Nightingale? It was kind of, like a big hit a couple years ago.

00:38:39 - Caitlin Kindred
That's on my want to read list on CK & GK Podcast, and I haven't gotten to.

00:38:43 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
It yet, so she just came out with another book called the women. I mean, it might be my favorite book, and I just, like, devoured it. It was like. I do ever have that experience where you're like. You're on the last couple pages and you're like, more to be over, but.

00:39:00 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Also, I'm finishing it.

00:39:01 - Caitlin Kindred
Yeah.

00:39:02 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Like, I have a hole in my soul. Like, now, that genre.

00:39:06 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Are we talking here?

00:39:07 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
It's actually historical fiction, which I love, is like, okay, I would think. I would hate it. Like. But you. But you get a dope.

00:39:14 - Caitlin Kindred
Oh, yeah.

00:39:15 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Because you feel like you're learning something while you're, like, being entertained. So. She does such a good job of not making it history is like. I don't know, like, it. It. When I say historical fiction, it sounds so, like. Yeah, a hundred percent. So, yeah, I mean, I would highly recommend that book. I just. I had the best spring break because of that.

00:39:43 - Caitlin Kindred
Love it.

00:39:43 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
I just wanted.

00:39:45 - Caitlin Kindred
If you heard all the banging in the background, it's. It was just me writing. Sorry.

00:39:50 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
If you listened last week, you. My obsession was a book. And if you don't go back and listen to last week's episode and you can hear all about the book I'm reading, so.

00:40:00 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Good. Yeah, you will. Oh, you will love the book. And, I mean, I feel like it ties into the theme. It's very self care to read a book with the window open, get the.

00:40:08 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Breeze, the whole thing.

00:40:10 - Caitlin Kindred
Yeah.

00:40:10 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Maybe not this season because of the.

00:40:12 - Caitlin Kindred
Pollen, but maybe not in Austin, right?

00:40:15 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Some of us are having allergies, but when I have allergies, I get to have my favorite allergy medicine, which we all know is hot cheetos.

00:40:28 - Caitlin Kindred
That's so good. It just clears you right out.

00:40:32 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Yup. Opens up my sinuses, and I try and, like, swallow them as close to whole as possible so they like my throat all the way down.

00:40:40 - Caitlin Kindred
Fake, like, unhinge your jaw. What are you doing? Okay, okay.

00:40:46 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
So, like, food is fuel and allergy. And allergy medicine.

00:40:50 - Caitlin Kindred
Do you. This is so random that I remember this, but I know Jenny is a big fan of the nanny, so she might. Okay. There was a scene where Fran's mom was like, oh, my medicine. I need my medicine. And the first thing she did was open the fridge and go to the Hershey syrup and pour it in a big old spoon and giant glass size spoonful of Hershey's syrup. It was so funny. And every time I hear you talk about medicine like that, I always go to that line in my head. Anyway, gem of the week. Tell me. Tell me what's going on.

00:41:26 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
So mine is gem of the. A couple weeks ago.

00:41:29 - Caitlin Kindred
Okay.

00:41:29 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
But it's fine.

00:41:30 - Caitlin Kindred
Fair. That's fine.

00:41:31 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Um, it was Easter, and Abigail said that she wanted to have a scavenger egg hunt where each egg has a clue to the next one. Well, Kit cannot read. He is five, so I couldn't really do that for him. So what I did was hide a bunch of eggs with either an a or a k on them. And so he. If he saw a k, he knew it was his egg and it would just have candy inside. If it was Abby's egg, it would have a clue.

00:42:02 - Caitlin Kindred
Okay.

00:42:03 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
And I was very proud of myself because I wrote all Taylor swift themes, clues about where the next egg would be.

00:42:12 - Caitlin Kindred
Wow, that's impressive. Oh, my God.

00:42:14 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
So, like, one of the clues was, I just want to stay. And if you are a swiftie, you know the next line is in that lavender haze.

00:42:22 - Caitlin Kindred
Uh huh.

00:42:23 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
And so the egg was hidden in the lavender plant.

00:42:26 - Caitlin Kindred
Oh, cute. Whoa. That's so smart.

00:42:29 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
I could build a castle out of all of these they've thrown at me. It's bricks. So we had a pile of bricks in the backyard. She had to go find the egg in the bricks. I was very proud of myself.

00:42:38 - Caitlin Kindred
That's amazing. Well done.

00:42:40 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
It was super fun.

00:42:41 - Caitlin Kindred
I found a. Some other Pinterest mom who made a scavenger hunt, and I printed it and cut it out and taped it on the various places where she told me to in my house. And then I only had eggs in certain spots, and I didn't have to go looking for them on this and find old candy later.

00:42:58 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
We are still finding eggs.

00:43:00 - Caitlin Kindred
See, that's the problem.

00:43:01 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Not taylor swift eggs, just k eggs. Because I did not have a list. But I'm telling you, like, if I was gonna make a list of the five things self care, like, one of them might be, like, a creative project. Like that.

00:43:13 - Caitlin Kindred
You love those. Or, like, a theme. Some sort of theme.

00:43:16 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
I love a good theme project.

00:43:17 - Caitlin Kindred
Yeah. You get into that?

00:43:19 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Yeah.

00:43:19 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Okay, so, passing the baton.

00:43:22 - Caitlin Kindred
Okay, well, here's mine. And this is just me being either not paying attention to my child as he talks, or I don't know what I was doing mishearing. Here's what happened. So, Sam, my son, says it must be weird having a tail, which is already weird enough, right? That he just said that, and I completely misheard it.

00:43:44 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Or, like, as a animal, I think.

00:43:47 - Caitlin Kindred
I think he was mean, because it.

00:43:49 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Is weird if a human has a tail, right?

00:43:52 - Caitlin Kindred
But I think he was meaning, like, what if, like, he woke up in another body and this body had a tail? Like, I think he was talking about as, like, a dinosaur or something. I don't know. Okay, it's still weird, but whatever. He's right. It would be weird having a tail. And. And I didn't hear him, and I said, yeah, it is weird having a kid sometimes. Oh, it gets so much better. And then he goes, yeah, like, you'd have this thing sticking out of your butt. And I was like, wait, wait. What? You think that kids just stick out of your butt? I'm sorry, what? And he just looks at me like, silent.

00:44:26 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
No, mom.

00:44:27 - Caitlin Kindred
Like, the ellipses. I can see them in his head. Like, what? What? And I just kind of look back at him, and then he goes, tail. Tail. It must be weird having a tail. And I was like, wait, okay, you just said, it must be weird having a tail. And he goes, yep, that's. That's what I said. I'm, like, telling my kid, it's weird having a kid. Having a kid. You think they come out, but, like, I just place that I did not need to be taking it. And here he is talking about, like, what if he had a dinosaur tail?

00:45:04 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
I. I just.

00:45:07 - Caitlin Kindred
Ugh. I was, like, cackling about this for a while because, like, what did I do? Like, I just completely. Mom failed on this one. The tail is weirder.

00:45:18 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Tail is weird.

00:45:19 - Caitlin Kindred
Tail is way weirder.

00:45:21 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Laura, thank you so much for being on the show. What do we need to know about your yummy mummy program?

00:45:27 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Okay, well, number one, if you're a podcast listener, which apparently you are, you should go listen to the Yummy mummy podcast. You can find it wherever. Wherever podcasts are. It's just called the Yummy mummy podcast with Laura Conley. And my name is Ella. U r a c o n l e y. You can also check out Lauraconlee.com dot over there. You will see everything you need to know about the yummy mummy. I run group programs. It's called the yummy mummy experience. And we learn to lose weight from the last time and become free from food forever, all from a place of love. And also that we can pass down what we want to pass down to our kiddos. So we do that through hunger, hormone balance, mindset, emotion, work, accountability, and what I call becoming your own bestie, which is really self care and self love. And that's all that is. So you can check that out at Laura conley.com. And if you're Instagram people, that's kind of where I hang out in terms of social media. And my handle is Laura Conley coaching. These lovely women are gonna put a link for you guys. So you guys have a little gift in there. If you are interested in losing weight, I offer the perfect weight loss plan. It's kind of like a little ebook, so you guys will get that for free. Usually it's $37.

00:46:37 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Thanks.

00:46:38 - Caitlin Kindred
That's amazing.

00:46:39 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Yeah. Yeah. And I just want to say, like, you don't have to want to lose weight, but also you're allowed to want to lose weight if that's what you want. It's all about choice. And I felt so much shame for so long for wanting to lose excess weight. I thought that meant that I didn't love myself. And in fact, I put that weight on by eating things when I was choosing to ignore myself and not love myself. So it was like this really interesting thing. And when I finally gave myself permission, I went on this journey that really was rooted in self love. So I feel like, you know, want what you want, right? And you don't have to tell. You don't have to tell anybody. Like, you don't have to want to lose weight. But if you do, like, you're allowed to, there's a lot of. There's a lot of voices out there that say, you know, just love and accept yourself where you are. And I'm like, yeah, I'm all for that. And you wanting to lose weight doesn't mean you don't love yourself and you don't accept yourself. It actually could mean that you do. And you're listening to a deep desire inside of you that will give you so much. So that's kind of the spiel.

00:47:41 - Caitlin Kindred
I like it. It feels like when you are about to talk to yourself self and self happiness.

00:47:45 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Yes. So when you're about to talk to yourself and you're reaching for words, be kind and gentle and make good choices.

00:47:56 - Caitlin Kindred
Sorry, it looks like you just try.

00:47:59 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
It as you do that.

00:48:00 - Caitlin Kindred
Like, you just look like you were also reaching for some words. So that's why I started cackling at you. Anyway. And check out the yummy mommy podcast. We will have all the links to all the things. And Laura, thank you so much for joining us today. This was really fun. We appreciate it.

00:48:15 - Jenny GK, Laura Conley
Oh, thank you so much. So fun. I could talk to you guys forever.

00:48:18 - Caitlin Kindred
Come back anytime. We'd love it. Yeah. Bye.