Michael Scott's Dinner Party and Other Gems: Top Moments from 100 Episodes

00:00:00 - Speaker A
This episode will be released on January the 9th, which is my 40th birthday.

00:00:05 - Speaker B
And so my gift to you is.

00:00:08 - Speaker A
This super cut of our first hundred episodes.

00:00:11 - Speaker C
Enjoy.

00:00:13 - Speaker B
97, 98, 99.

00:00:18 - Speaker C
It's episode 100.

00:00:22 - Speaker D
I like when I fake push the button and I thought I was recording and then I wasn't.

00:00:27 - Speaker C
I got it. I got it. It's Tuesday, you know. Welcome back to our show.

00:00:44 - Speaker D
I'm about to start making a list of songs that I really hope you turn into an intro.

00:00:50 - Speaker B
If you've been with us since the beginning, you know that we've had to change a few things, including the name of our show.

00:01:00 - Speaker D
Hello. We're here. Welcome to the podcast. All right, well, back to business.

00:01:09 - Speaker A
We're two moms who are also teachers.

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And we pretend to adult on a regular basis.

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We know a lot of things.

00:01:17 - Speaker D
Oh, my gosh. But we do not know even more things.

00:01:21 - Speaker A
Our podcast is a little about a lot.

00:01:24 - Speaker D
A random, crazy assorted lot. Yes.

00:01:29 - Speaker A
And our approach to teaching is all about fun and practicality. So come and laugh and learn with us. Welcome to the very first episode of Top Knot Talk. If this is your first time listening, thanks so much for joining us. And if you are coming back, thanks for not ditching us.

00:01:49 - Speaker E
We appreciate the non ditchers.

00:01:53 - Speaker B
Caitlin and I have introduced each other in some pretty crazy ways.

00:01:57 - Speaker A
With me today is Caitlin. She is kind and loving and just dysfunctional enough to be funny.

00:02:07 - Speaker D
You can either have a normal childhood or you can be funny, right? Isn't that the quote? I had a normal childhood. To be fair, I think I just had just enough issues to be moderately funny. Anyway, across from me is mom of Dorothy's Bornak and everyone's favorite golden girl, Sophia Petrillo.

00:02:26 - Speaker C
Oh, my God.

00:02:27 - Speaker D
Isn't she the best?

00:02:28 - Speaker C
Thank you.

00:02:29 - Speaker E
If you were going to call me.

00:02:30 - Speaker A
A golden girl, she's the best one to get called.

00:02:33 - Speaker C
Sure.

00:02:33 - Speaker A
I would be Dorothy.

00:02:34 - Speaker C
So this is a compliment.

00:02:36 - Speaker D
You are not nasty or mean enough to be Dorothy. Well, that's Jenny, my humble, intelligent golden retriever. Maybe not when I'm drinking water. You are just my favorite magnificent middle school marching, you know, across from me in her home is Frasier Crane in Seattle.

00:03:05 - Speaker A
I'm listening.

00:03:06 - Speaker B
We've chatted a lot about sports.

00:03:09 - Speaker D
If you want to skip, you can skip, but we're going to talk a little bit about sports.

00:03:13 - Speaker A
Did you hear about the slap?

00:03:18 - Speaker E
I heard about the slap in passing. I cannot tell you what happened, so I need you to fill me in because I wrote it down. I was like, this is something that I need to know about. And I don't.

00:03:29 - Speaker A
Oh, my gosh. It's so good. It's so funny. Okay, so Tommy fam is on the. Okay, and who is your favorite pearl?

00:03:39 - Speaker E
Wearerson?

00:03:41 - Speaker A
Peterson.

00:03:42 - Speaker C
Yeah.

00:03:43 - Speaker A
The Giants and the Reds are playing each other in the outfield during warmups. Tommy Fam just walks up to Jock Peterson and says, remember from last year? And jock says, fantasy football.

00:03:59 - Speaker E
Oh, fantasy football.

00:04:01 - Speaker C
And Tommy slaps him across the face. No.

00:04:05 - Speaker A
He got suspended for three games because he was mad about their fantasy football teams from last year.

00:04:13 - Speaker C
No. Yeah.

00:04:15 - Speaker A
Apparently they were having a fight over having players on the injured reserve list and putting them on your bench or whatever. And they texted back and forth during the season about this issue in their.

00:04:29 - Speaker C
League and Tommy was still mad enough that he hit him and he's on the bench for three games. Who does that?

00:04:38 - Speaker E
That's the nuttiest thing on the planet.

00:04:41 - Speaker D
What in the world?

00:04:42 - Speaker E
Are you kidding me?

00:04:44 - Speaker A
When we did that episode about fantasy football, we know the boys.

00:04:48 - Speaker E
Seriously, I cannot. What in the world?

00:04:53 - Speaker A
Well, every so often ESPN does a little window of the Ocho where they put funny sports on tv.

00:05:03 - Speaker D
That was the whole.

00:05:05 - Speaker A
Right, right. It was like, where are you going to put on ESPN eight? Well, they cover the funniest things. This past weekend we watched the world knife throwing championship. You get sucked into these things, right?

00:05:22 - Speaker D
Like you do.

00:05:25 - Speaker A
I spent the entire weekend in bed one time watching the big twelve gymnastics tournament.

00:05:30 - Speaker C
I can get into that.

00:05:31 - Speaker A
So this knife throwing, right? I picked a guy, turns out he goes to the finals. So now we're all on the edge of our seats. Is he going to win? He didn't, but I won't use his name in case someone wants to go back and watch. I don't want to give away the ending. One of the things that showed up on the o show was sent to me by one of our listeners. Okay, shout out to crystal. She says, you have to cover this on your show. They had an excel battle.

00:06:03 - Speaker D
Wait, hold on.

00:06:05 - Speaker A
A spreadsheet off, if you will.

00:06:07 - Speaker D
I feel like I need to watch this because my life is in.

00:06:12 - Speaker A
There's a link.

00:06:13 - Speaker C
I'm going to put it up in the show notes.

00:06:15 - Speaker A
People can watch the coverage. They're calling it an esport, like video gaming. But excel, they had an all star battle and it was televised on video.

00:06:28 - Speaker D
Can you tell me what kinds of things they were doing in this battle? Were they using obscure commands that nobody knows how to use?

00:06:37 - Speaker A
They are like doing financial modeling.

00:06:40 - Speaker D
Oh, that's boring. I'm actually kind of interested in this. Okay.

00:06:46 - Speaker A
It's really funny. You can see their screen, but you can also see, like, a little cap of their face. It's like the world.

00:06:54 - Speaker D
Like, how you can see their cards and how you can see their faces, right?

00:06:57 - Speaker C
Yes.

00:06:58 - Speaker D
It is good.

00:06:59 - Speaker A
It is funny. Thanks, crystal, for bringing this to our attention. You know, every week we sit down and we talk about what's going on in our lives and what's going on in the world. You can hear my dogs fighting in the background. I want to talk about what's going on in the world of sports.

00:07:13 - Speaker C
Yay.

00:07:14 - Speaker A
Starting with Selena.

00:07:16 - Speaker D
Selena.

00:07:17 - Speaker A
Selena. Starting with Serena.

00:07:24 - Speaker C
Flor. Some of my kids were there to see her play. They came back, and they. That's so cool.

00:07:30 - Speaker D
This woman, it was an honor and a thrill to have been the same age as her, and watching her come up in all of this was just, she's 41 or something, so she's just a little older than us. We would have been in high school together had we gone to high school at the same time. So it's just very cool to know that there's someone who's your age who's accomplished so much. We got to watch everything that she did. All of those.

00:07:57 - Speaker A
Okay, wait, pause, pause, pause. Cool or depressing?

00:08:01 - Speaker C
No. Amazing.

00:08:03 - Speaker D
Are you kidding?

00:08:04 - Speaker A
Like, hey, I set up the coffee machine to go off this morning before.

00:08:08 - Speaker D
I went to bed last night. That's a great, you know what? I don't view it that way. There was a time where all of the professional sports players were older than us, and then there was a time when we were the same age as them, and now we're at the back end of that where we're not the same age as them, and they're all younger than us, and they all look like babies or half our age.

00:08:26 - Speaker C
Right.

00:08:27 - Speaker D
Exactly. And I understand what you're saying. That part is depressing. What I think I'm thinking about here is watching her come up on the tennis stage, watching her and her sister, who are relatively similar in age to us, and seeing the progression of their careers in real time and feeling like this person could be a peer, not tennis wise, not athletic wise, but just in terms of age, that part is cool. So either way, she's the greatest player of all time, and we're just so thrilled to have gotten to watch. Did you watch the final match? Because I did, and I cried. I sat there sobbing, sobbing. Amazing. Anyway, so this man's name is Antonio Brown. He plays for the Buccaneers. And this is his hysterical quote that has just been circulating these days. Okay. My biggest regret in my career doesn't involve calling my GM a cracker, which is true. He did do that. Or showing up to Raiders camp late in a hot air balloon with frozen feet. Also true. Or throwing rocks at that ups driver. And it definitely doesn't involve taking my shirt off and doing a victory lap around the jets stadium mid game while throwing up deuces. My biggest regret is that I'll never get to see me Antonio Brown play a game live. Sure, I can watch the game afterwards, but I can't imagine what that was like for you all to see something like that, like watching the Beatles or Jesus perform at Red Rocks. And that is Antonio Brown on his biggest regret. Now, here's my favorite part of this. Red Rocks is where you want to be to hear live music. It's just, oh, yeah, beautiful. And the sound is incredible. And it's just an experience to go hear a great show at Red Rocks. I've been several times as someone who grew up there.

00:10:29 - Speaker C
Who'd you see?

00:10:30 - Speaker D
I've seen lots of people there. I've seen Weezer there. I've seen the goo dolls there. I've seen Coldplay there. I've seen, oh, gosh, I'm going to be in so much trouble for not knowing the name of this band. Wilco. I've seen Willie Nelson there. Lots of people I've seen at Red Rocks. And it's always been a great show every time. The best part of this tweet to me, this quote that Antonio Brown released about himself. One, it's hysterical that he actually did do all of these things and he paid fines for all these things that he.

00:11:09 - Speaker C
No, he's not.

00:11:10 - Speaker D
Sorry, red rocks.

00:11:12 - Speaker C
I'm pretty sure it was him who.

00:11:13 - Speaker A
Quit midseason last year.

00:11:14 - Speaker C
Was it him?

00:11:15 - Speaker D
Oh, geez.

00:11:16 - Speaker C
I think he's the one who just.

00:11:17 - Speaker A
Walked off the field and they were like, dude.

00:11:19 - Speaker D
Oh, yeah, that's right. He doesn't regret that.

00:11:22 - Speaker A
He's like, I didn't like the plays. I didn't like the plays they were being called.

00:11:25 - Speaker C
I didn't want to be game.

00:11:28 - Speaker D
Gosh, this speaks volumes to the maturity that we're dealing with here. But anyway, I love whoever is running these social media accounts that respond to this kind of stuff because red rocks answers with that Jesus set was fire.

00:11:43 - Speaker C
And I completely lost my mind.

00:11:49 - Speaker D
Like, watching the Beatles or Jesus perform at Red Rocks.

00:11:52 - Speaker A
Yeah, okay.

00:11:52 - Speaker D
That Jesus set was fire. Get out of.

00:11:55 - Speaker C
So good.

00:11:57 - Speaker D
Like, whoever is running the. Oh, my God.

00:12:00 - Speaker A
When he did love thy neighbor, I lost my mind.

00:12:06 - Speaker B
We've shared hundreds of gems.

00:12:09 - Speaker A
All right, well, that brings us to the gem of the week. This is your chance to either laugh with me or at me, at something that happened to me. This time, it's with me.

00:12:18 - Speaker D
Okay.

00:12:19 - Speaker A
We had a buddy in from out of town, and we were trying to decide where we could go for a family dinner with this friend. And we said, oh, what if we went to the rotating sushi bar? For those of you who are not familiar, this is a restaurant where you sit at a table and the sushi comes by in a conveyor belt around the restaurant, and you can just take right off the conveyor belt and they charge you by the plate. Kit, my four year old has never been to that. And he looks at us deadpan. I think that would make me vomit. Oh, because he thought the restaurant rotated.

00:12:53 - Speaker C
Not.

00:12:58 - Speaker D
Oh, he's not wrong. If that's how it works, I probably would get sick, too. But no, you're not spinning around in a circle and eating. I don't know how to follow that. But I just learned today that Mariah Carey has a masterclass.

00:13:17 - Speaker A
This is a psa for right, right. And he looks at me and says, jen, what were you watching last night when you were home alone?

00:13:27 - Speaker D
Were you seriously doing karaoke by yourself at the house? Okay, that's self care.

00:13:34 - Speaker A
I medicated for my anxiety. But as I'm out there, I hear this humming.

00:13:42 - Speaker D
Not like cicada noise. Like a different noise?

00:13:44 - Speaker A
No, like it was an entire swarm of bees.

00:13:48 - Speaker D
Oh, that's a big nope.

00:13:50 - Speaker A
My shoulders are up. I'm looking around. I am panicked because I also have a phobia of bees. Oh, yeah. I was horribly attacked as a child. And it's, like, inside my head.

00:14:02 - Speaker D
Hold on. Like, my girl style attacked.

00:14:05 - Speaker A
I didn't die well, no, I disturbed a nest, and I was stung so much that my dad had to turn the hose on me to get them off.

00:14:12 - Speaker D
I did not know that.

00:14:14 - Speaker A
Yeah, it's still a phobia. Like, it's totally irrational.

00:14:18 - Speaker D
No, it's not irrational. It's traumatic.

00:14:20 - Speaker A
But I hear the swarming sound.

00:14:22 - Speaker D
Yeah.

00:14:23 - Speaker A
And I'm like, wait, what?

00:14:24 - Speaker D
Get me out of here.

00:14:25 - Speaker A
And I am panicking. And then I see that it's a roofer across the street running a drone. And I said to him, you know, in 2021, I should recognize that sound as a drone and not a swarm of bees. He goes, oh, you were freaking out.

00:14:43 - Speaker C
He watched you.

00:14:46 - Speaker D
I just kind of looked at her.

00:14:48 - Speaker A
Like everything's small. She goes, yeah. Isn't in Portugal, the houses are small, the fences are small.

00:14:54 - Speaker D
Like, even the people are small. No. For some reason, my eleven year old.

00:15:02 - Speaker A
Thinks that Portugal is a miniature version of the world.

00:15:07 - Speaker B
But most importantly, we learned while we left.

00:15:13 - Speaker A
I actually remember when Eminem was deciding what color they were going to replace with tan. And you, as an Eminem eater, could vote. And it was blue, purple or pink?

00:15:25 - Speaker D
Was it pink?

00:15:26 - Speaker A
It was blue, purple or pink and blue one.

00:15:29 - Speaker D
I don't see how any other color, like, how did purple even stand a chance? Or why was it even a thing?

00:15:41 - Speaker A
Why are you that opinionated about it? Why would purple not stand a chance?

00:15:45 - Speaker D
Yellow made it. Well, because it was like a rainbow. I really like this one, which is one for the road. Okay, so it means, like the last drink you have before leaving, right? Some people call it a roadie, but that's not the same thing. The roadie is what you take with you in the car, in the trip. But the one for the road is the last one before you go. Right. Often in reference to a pub. Like, before I leave the pub, I'm going to have my last one. This one's also kind of dark. Right. So during the medieval times, middle ages period, any condemned prisoners, condemned meaning up for death, right, were taken from London City jails to Tiburn Hill for execution. Now, me being an I, this was like, oh, yes, I have to do this one. So on the way, they would pass down Oxford street, which is a busy street in London, and the cart would stop and the criminals were allowed to have one final drink at a pub on that road before they were publicly executed. The one that they had was on the road to their execution. This makes me think of Martha Stewart.

00:17:07 - Speaker A
Giving her lobsters vodka as she boils them.

00:17:11 - Speaker D
I make desserts. That's like my thing. I'm good at it. And I like to bake because I can see every single ingredient and I know that if I stray from that, it's not going to come out the right way. So the only thing that I measure with my heart is chocolate chips. Everything else gets put in exactly as it's supposed to be.

00:17:31 - Speaker C
Okay.

00:17:32 - Speaker A
I have never heard measure with my heart, but I'm about to get that painted on a piece of old Barnwood and hang it in my kitchen.

00:17:39 - Speaker D
I mean, garlic and chocolate chips, you measure with your heart. You do not put in one clove of garlic when I ask for it. Yeah, I know. Yeah. It's very white. Lady TJ, Max, sign. Oh, this is what I'm saying.

00:17:55 - Speaker C
Oh, absolutely.

00:17:58 - Speaker D
Keep that in mind. All right. Don't have an extended cocktail hour.

00:18:06 - Speaker A
I know where you're going with this and I'm already starting to feel uncomfortable.

00:18:09 - Speaker D
Okay, the best episode. This is arguable. So I'm just going to put this out there. The best episode of the office is the dinner party episode. Okay. This is the one where the cold open is Michael pretending to cancel late night work and then inviting Pam and Jim over to his house for dinner with Jan. This is the episode where we learn that Michael runs through the glass door because he thought he heard the ice cream truck. This is the one where he dips his food in his red wine. This is the one where he thinks he's being poisoned by jan because her cooking is so bad that he thinks she's trying to poison him.

00:18:50 - Speaker A
He sleeps on the bench at the.

00:18:51 - Speaker D
Foot of the bed. He sleeps on the bench at the foot of the bed like a jewel. Right? She makes bond fire candles. This is the best episode ever. He talks about.

00:19:04 - Speaker C
He pushes the tv into the wall.

00:19:07 - Speaker D
This is the best episode ever. But remember that Jan is making Osabuko and it takes 3 hours for it to cook. So she traps the guests there for 3 hours. She says everything else is done but the osabuko needs to braise for 3 hours.

00:19:28 - Speaker C
Oh, my gosh.

00:19:30 - Speaker D
Who does that?

00:19:31 - Speaker B
Thanks so much for sticking with us.

00:19:33 - Speaker A
We love your support.

00:19:35 - Speaker B
Stick around for another hundred episodes and we'll do it again.

00:19:38 - Speaker C
Bye.

00:19:39 - Speaker D
All right, I think that's our show today, guys.

00:19:42 - Speaker A
Okay, well, whether you are deciding to talk about the weather or not, make.

00:19:50 - Speaker D
A choice and grab a friend and run to the bathroom. Maybe she'll gas you up while you're in there. Yeah. All right. Bye.